My Life

Right on the money

2008-08-24T08:21:00.001-03:00

Your horoscope for August 24, 2008
You may be feeling a difficult internal conflict, Jennifer, based on the fact that you know there are things that you need to be doing and responsibilities that you need to be taking care of, but at the same time, you simply do not want to do them. You would much rather spend your day forgetting about your duties and just having a good time. Whatever you decide to do, commit to doing it, and do not let regret or guilt spoil the picture.

The times...they are a-changing

2008-08-08T09:34:00.004-03:00

I can't get a song out of my head. "Gather 'round people wherever you roam..." Yep there it is again...Bob Dylan's voice. I wonder if it means something?

My JDRF contact in Moncton, has asked me to organize a Community Walk in the Miramichi. I said yes! Who knew that little old wall flower me, with no voice, would ever agree to something like this? Not I! Since agreeing, I have had moments where I am half proud of myself...excited even. Other times a wave of panic washes over me. I think 'what the hell am I doing' and want to tell her I change my mind. Hopefully the bad moments will become fewer, as we start meeting and things start coming together. Hopefully.

This evening the whole family is going into town to buy the last supplies we need before Max's arrival tomorrow. I see it like I am pregnant and tomorrow is the due date. Only this time no C-section is needed - thank God! And of course, the baby looks less like Jason and more like Chewbacca. We are also going to pick up a few things for back to school, mostly clothing. I told Abby that bit of news and she preceded to dance around the room. It's a sin she hates to shop so much.

Wakey, Wakey

2008-08-05T09:45:00.003-03:00

This morning at 5:30AM, Jason woke me up to tell me that Jules' pump had "no delivery". She was 22.5. He had to get ready for work so could I please get out of bed and take care of it? Rather then wake her up to change her site and endure the cries, I opted to give her a pen with 1.5 units instead. That done, I returned to the warmth of my cozy big bed where a lone house fly preceded to land on my face. Why do they do that? After finally falling asleep, I was awoken again. This time by Samuel to tell me that he was having a nose bleed. Lovely. Then back to bed with the same fly landing on my face. Ugh! They should make little guns with red laser sights just for this occasion. Then Jason comes in to give a hug and kiss and tell me he's leaving for work. Informs me that he has to pick up Gary and Kellie because Sherry's dog Jake is bleeding?? What is with this morning? Somehow I did manage to fall asleep again. Actually I was probably asleep before Jason's car was out of the driveway. Got back out of bed at 8:30AM. Changed Jules' sight. Gave the kids breakfast. Made some coffee which I notice is getting dangerous low. And now I am awake.

Two Years

2008-07-22T10:42:00.000-03:00

This morning at break time, Jason called me from his cell phone. While working, he had passed by the calendar and saw "July 22" in bold, large print. When I answered the phone, Jason asked "Do you know today is?". I glanced over at the calendar on my fridge and said "Um...July 22?". I was trying to think of who's birthday it might be today. I really had no idea. Then Jason says, "Two years ago today....?". I gasped. I could not believe that I had forgotten. How was that even possible?

Two years ago today, Jules got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I'm not going to rehash what happened that day. I've written about it in detail before. It's a day that I will never forget.

Last year, I felt such a need to make it to this date. One year. I felt a need to go and do everything we had done the summer before. To revisit everything...only with diabetes. I had to prove to the world?..the girls?..myself? that this diagnosis was not going to control our lives. That we were not beaten.

Fast forward to now. I can't say I never gave it any thought at all. Returning to PEI, and then to Fundy, I couldn't help but think how drastic our lives had changed since the last time we were there. How could I not? But it was so nice to be there again. We had such a great time. I definitely did not waste too much of time thinking about it. It was more of a passing thought that would drift into my mind only to drift right back out again.

Forgetting todays anniversary, is very significant I think. Wait, perhaps "forget" is the wrong word. As I've said, I could never "forget" that day. It is one of the few days in my life that I will always remember in great detail. But had Jason not phoned just now...Had he, himself, not looked at the calendar when he did....Today would have come and gone without us giving it a second thought. Maybe a week from now we would have remembered, only to realize it had already passed by.

What is so significant about this date slipping our minds, is exactly that - it slipped our minds. We were not focused on it. We've been enjoying Summer, living our lives, and the approach of this date did not have a monopoly on it. In other words,...progress!

Who Are You

2008-07-17T23:26:00.004-03:00

Just killing time until I can check the girls. Watching VH1 Salutes The Who on television. When they played Teenage Wasteland I had to resist cranking the volume. I realized tonight that I have had this blog since April of 2004. For fun I clicked into the archives just to see who I was back then. How my life has changed. Whoa. Nuff said. I also noticed how much I used to blog and how much I don't now. This stirred some regret. It's nice to have your life documented, if only just to help yourself glance back now and then. I must try and blog more often. Even just little blurbs about what the kids are up to. Something to give some hint of what my life is like at this particular moment in time.

In that spirit, today I mowed the lawn. Not very exciting, but there it is.

My Life In Pictures

2008-07-15T09:47:00.017-03:00

I can't seem to take the time to write about the things we are doing, so instead I thought I would share a few photos.

We're getting a puppy! He was only ten days old when this picture was taken. Look how tiny he is! We'll be bringing him home around the 10th or 11th of August.

We participated in the Canada Day Parade again this year. Our little way of thanking everyone for their support. Unfortunately, we lost the sign on my side halfway through. :(

After 3 years of missing her, I finally got to return my island! PEI, that is. I wish I could convey into words how that place makes me feel. Not just the cottages or Avonlea, but the island itself. As soon as we were off the bridge, my eyes started to fill with tears...I could not believe I got to come back. I didn't want to leave. The kids, being older this time, enjoyed it immensely. Especially Abby, who could not remember ever being there. I took 106 pictures...wish I could post them all.

The Anne of Green Gables Country Fair was happening at Avonlea the weekend we were there. This guy would walk around playing his mandolin and singing...

At Avonlea, you can dress up in the old time clothes and get your picture taken for free. You just have to use your own camera. We all did it....but Samuel stole the show! I tried to get him to smile but he was in character. He said he was tired of waiting for the train that would not come. Too cute!

Jason took this pic of me and the kids in the Avonlea gardens. Beautiful! I took a good 20 pictures of the plants and flowers alone!

This past weekend we got to return to Alma, which is just outside the Fundy National Park.

The kids loved walking on the beach in their aqua shoes. Jules collected sea shells in her bucket. (*Notice Abby's "Marilyn" pose* LOL)

This is where we would sit and watch the tide go in and out. It is just yards away from out Motel room door. Very relaxing to listen to the waves and feel the breeze off the water.

One of the many beautiful views....this one was taken when the tide was out.

While we were there, we celebrated Jason's 34th birthday. Happy Birthday Honey!

Just Keep Swinging

2008-06-30T10:20:00.003-03:00

This weekend we had hopes of going camping but opted to cancel due to the weather. Plus Abby was not feeling so great either. Instead, the family and I, watched movies together...pretty much the entire weekend. It started with Jason stopping at Blockbuster on his way home from work on Friday night. He rented "Enchanted" and "National Treasure 2 - Book of Secrets". We treated the kids with cheesies - 2 1/2 cups to be exact -and ourselves with salt & pepper chips and ringalo's, and cuddled up together on the couches.

Enchanted was actually quite entertaining, even for us adults. Abby had already seen it once at school and would constantly turn around to watch me watch the movie. Even Jason did not seem to mind it. After tucking the kids into bed, we put in National Treasure 2. Having enjoyed the first one, I knew it was the perfect movie for my mood. Nothing too scary, too dark, or too depressing but still entertaining. It's got a bit of an Indiana Jones vibe to it...without the snakes.

On Saturday the girls preceded to watch Enchanted again, and Jules watched National Treasure 2. (It's rated PG). The rest of the day was spent tidying up the house. I tackled upstairs while Jason took the basement. Trust me...I got the better part of the deal. Jason also tinkered with his old dodge outside and I slow cooked a roast pork for supper. We toyed with the idea of going for a drive into town but we decided we really wanted to just stay in. We hit the Irving for more movies. I picked up Ocean's Thirteen, which I had never seen. Samuel passes me this animated movie called "Everyone's Hero". I hadn't heard of it so I flipped it over to read the back. The name Christopher Reeve catches my eye and I'm sold.

It turns out that he was directing this film when he passed away. He cared very deeply about bringing this type of story to the public and created it's theme "just keep swinging". It is filled with an all-star cast providing the voices. Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Williams, Forest Whitaker, Rob Reiner - just to name a few. The film takes place during the Babe Ruth era in NYC. A little boy named Yankee Irving loves baseball, the Babe and his Dad. It's a really great film for children to watch, with a really great message. At the end, there is a very climatic, inspiring, scene where the boy finally connects bat to ball, while his Mom, Dad and the Babe look on. The music rises up louder, screen fades to black and the words "For Christopher and Dana Reeve" appear. I lost it. I bawled my head off. Jason turned to me and said "You don't even know them, Jenn".

There are some people that, although you never met them, you feel a connection with. I have always felt like that with Chris & Dana. I cannot begin to say the admiration I feel, the inspiration, when I think of how they lived their life. How when faced with the most unspeakable tragedies, they "just kept swinging". That is what I wish to instill in my own children. When life knocks you down, when you're diagnosed with a debilitating disease or suddenly find yourself paralysed...you can climb back out of the darkness, dust yourself off and discover an inner strength that you never knew you had. It is not fair that these two great human beings, were both taken away long before their time.

Drunk on Life

2008-06-27T08:46:00.003-03:00

One week of Summer vacation has already passed! I wish I could slow down the clock. Summer just goes by way too fast for my liking. I cannot say how much I have enjoyed this first week being home with the kids. I am overflowing with gratitude and contentment. So much so, I'd say I'm on the verge of being annoying! To those annoyed folk, I apologize. I just can't help it. :)

I wake up in the morning, realize that it is Summer and neither me nor the kids have anywhere we have to be, and I smile. I love it! I love everything! I love this beautiful house that we get to live in. I love my beautiful yard, my huge lawn, my flower beds. I love that we have eagles that fly over head and humming birds that come religiously to our feeders. I LOVE my porch!! I still need to pinch myself that I actually have one of those considering I only dreamed of one since I was a kid. I love my kids. I love the fact that they are responsible, respectful, and well adjusted children...(most of the time). I love it when they play well together, doubled over in a fit of giggles. I love it all! .....Hell, I love you man!

Perhaps someone has slipped something into my water? ;)

Pumped

2008-02-13T07:44:00.004-04:00

Today is the day. Kids are packed, pumps are packed.....I'm almost packed. This is really happening! Had a moment last night in bed when I realized the date. Today is February 13th. Tomorrow will be one year since Jason was done at Weyerhauser. That was a big change for us. And now, almost one year to the day, here we are embarking on yet another big change. February seems to be a big month for us. :)

Oh well, gotta go finish getting ready. Kids are very excited. The girls are behaving as if they are going away on some sort of vacation.....with their pink pullmans and carrying their purses. Too funny. Samuel is "pumped" to be staying at Grammy's house and that he gets to play with Paulina and Anna all day long, since school was cancelled yet again. What is up with this winter anyway?

Fingers crossed.

And away we go......

The Dawn

2008-02-12T21:32:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the big day.

Pump day.

Tonight, after bedtime snack, I gave the girls Levemir for what should be the last time. Levemir is the name of their long-acting insulin. It is supposed to last 24 hours and keep their sugars at a good basal rate. However, some people believe that it doesn't last the whole 24 hours, like it is supposed to. Since their diagnosis, over 1 & 1/2 years ago, we have been injecting them with two different types of insulins. Levemir at bedtime and NovoRapid at meal times. NovoRapid is a fast acting insulin that helps to bring their sugars down at meal time...when they are eating carbohydrates. But after tomorrow, when they are on a pump, they will only be getting one type of insulin - fast acting. The pump will be giving them little tiny amounts throughout the day, kind of like an intervenus. And then at mealtime, we will tell the pump how many carbs they have eaten, and it will give them insulin to cover them.

I don't know how well I am doing at describing this. It's hard to explain. Two years ago I didn't know anything about this. I used to think that an insulin pump had to be surgically inserted into the body like a pace maker. I guess I've come a long way.

A few months ago I made friends with a fellow Mom of a diabetic kid. Thank God for her! She is really helping me by answering my questions and reassuring me that everything will be ok. She promises me that we will be in love with the pump before we know it. In other words, it's all good. :) Just the other day, Lisa (my new BFF) was describing to me how she changes her son's sight. I had been under the impression that the needle was the thing that stayed in the belly, under the skin, for 3 days at a time. I believe I even blogged about it in my last entry. Turns out that the needle is only used to insert a teeny, tiny, soft plastic tube. So much better! Technology really is an amazing thing. I don't think I am doing very well at describing the process. Perhaps I will get better once I actually know how to do it myself. LOL. That might help. Did I mention that the needle is only as big as the one we use on their insulin pens? Like 5mm long. Very small. Gone are the days with the long four inch needles and flicking away air bubbles. No big scary needles here.

We have to be at the hospital and have the girls admitted by 9am. Then we should start getting trained on how the pump works and how to use it. Hopefully, by lunch time, we will be hooking the girls up. I'm praying for it to go smoothly. I'm scared that if it doesn't go smooth the first time round, that the girls will change their minds. Especially Abby. However, I've been told that the site change shouldn't really hurt anymore than when I give them insulin in the belly, and they're already used to that. So I remain optimistic. We will stay at the hospital all day tomorrow, all night and will probably come home some time the next morning. Samuel is going to stay at Mom's. He's excited to be having a sleepover of his own.

It's going to change how we do everything....all over again. We'll have to teach Mom plus there's the whole school thing. The teachers and T.A.s will have to be briefed. Sometimes my brain feels like it is going to overflow with thoughts. Hard to harness them.

But it's all good.

Now if I could only get some sleep.......

Pump it!

2008-02-09T09:42:00.000-04:00

This week the girls will be put on their insulin pumps.

Breathe.

I haven't really been blogging much lately but thought I better write something, do something to document this for myself. And perhaps for someone else out there who may one day unfortunately be in the same situation.

Pumps are very expensive. VERY. But we were lucky enough to get ours before our benefits ran out from Jason's previous job. I believe that company was Maritime Life, which had awesome coverage. Some companies will not cover the cost of a pump, only their supplies. We got two Medtronic pumps and what should have costs us $13,200, only costs us $400. Again, very lucky. Pumps usually last approximately 5 years. So next time, I hope we are so lucky again.

We've been waiting for the right time to put the girls on. Or should I say the right financial time. My oldest daughter Jules, has been wanting a pump for a long time now. And finally the right time seemed upon us. Then we got word that Jason was yet again getting laid off his job. This time, however, they assure us it is not permanent, but only for a few weeks. To make a much longer story shorter, we've decided to go ahead and do it. Jules has waited long enough. Plus we are putting Abby on one as well. They will go through it together.

They are both very excited to be going to spend the night in the hospital. But have also confessed to be a little scared about the pump. Frankly so am I. It is quite the mixed bag of emotions. Now that the moment we wished for, prayed for, is finally upon us...I find myself hesitant. Not so sure anymore. Scared.

We have found ourselves a new normal, a routine, with the insulin pens. It's not such a big deal anymore. There are many days we do it without any much thought at all. I don't feel so controlled by it anymore. But now, with a pump, it's a whole new learning curve. It's like starting over. Bye bye comfort zone. Hello change. And change is something I've had just about enough of....thank you very much.

Right now when you see the girls, if you didn't know, you couldn't tell they were diabetic. Not unless you saw them getting their sugar checked or witnessed them getting insulin. Other than a medic-alert bracelet, there is no mark or stamp on their person that screams "we have diabetes!". But with a pump, it is different.

A tiny needle will be inserted into the skin of their belly. This needle is attached to this little plastic thing. The insulin pump has a tube that clips into the plastic thing and that is how insulin will travel into their body. I compare it to a seat belt. At any time, like swimming or taking a bath, we can simply unclip the pump, wait, and when they're done, clip in back on. For some reason, however, it seems to bother me that during this time, like bathtime, when I am playing with Abby in the tub, or when Jules is running around the sprinkler in her bikini, etc... they will have this little plastic circle taped on their belly. A physical reminder of their condition.....as if I could ever forget. Like I said, a mixed bag of emotions.

So why do it then? Because it will give them better control. Free up their schedule. If on vacation, we happen upon an ice cream stand and it is not meal time, then maybe they could have a cone. Unlike now. If they want to sleep in and skip breakfast, they can. Unlike now. If they run high in the night and require some extra insulin, I can just press a few buttons and not have to wake them for a needle. Unlike now.

A pump is the best possible treatment for a type one diabetic and I want that for my girls. So wat if it's new? So what if I'm scared? So what if it means more change? We will get through. Just like we did when they were diagnosed three weeks apart. And before long we should have our new normal back. A routine again.

Breathe.

Here we go.

The Chair

2008-01-28T10:32:00.000-04:00

Okay. So as anyone who knows me already knows, the past few years I've been on a mission to evolve when it comes to my self worth. How I think of myself, treat myself, ..... you get the idea. In some areas I have come really far. So far that I can now look back with bewilderment that I would ever have behaved in such a fashion. Other areas are still a work in progress. Still others probably haven't seen much, if any, change.

One issue that was/is always something I struggled with is the act of doing something, an activity, etc... just for myself. Just because it was something that I enjoyed. To some this sounds so simple, yet maybe there are others out there who can relate. I tend to use the word
"selfish" in my head to describe any such activity. If I wanted to go in to town or even just take a walk by myself, it would be "selfish" since that would leave Jason home alone with the kids. If I wanted to buy something for myself, be it a sweater on clearance, a couple of extra things at the Dollarstore or even a grocery item that would be just for me(it/ muslix cereal or sweet & salty bars, etc..) I would call myself "selfish" for wanting to spend money on "just" me...I mean who did I think I was anyway?

Cut to the box.

There was a cardboard box in the corner of my room that had literally been there since we moved in....over a year ago. It was filled with photographs and picture frames that I hadn't yet sorted through. The box was quite large and was on my side of the room so that every morning when I woke up, if I glanced down to the foot of my bed, I would see this box. Now I love my room. Love it! I love the red walls and it's deep purple ceiling, our dark wood furniture, and how the long goldish curtains hang on it's big window. I love the high bed and it's large walk-in closet. It is everything that I ever dreamed of having in a bedroom. But I didn't love the box. The box took away from the rest of the room. The box gave me an excuse to leave things like bags, clothes and yes even other boxes! laying all over it, so that my corner was usually if not always a mess.

Until two weeks ago.

Inspired by a new year, I did the unthinkable and purged my bedroom. I cleaned out my over stuffed night stand, organized my closet, cleared off the top of my dresser and....got rid of the box. In actuality I downsized the box so that it now tucks itself nicely in the corner of my closet, but still the effect is the same. The corner was clear! I had always dreamed of having a chair in that corner, so just to see how a chair would look, I stole my little brown tub chair from the living room and set it there. Awesome! Words cannot express the joy this little act brought me. It made the room seem so much more "adult". Like a "real person's" room. The way bedrooms look on television and in the movies.

I loved it so much that I never put it back. I sat on that chair more in the bedroom than I ever had in the living room. It became my little place to retreat to. To sip tea, drink wine, read a book, paint my nails, etc... You name it, I did it on this chair. However, now there was a "hole" in the living room where the chair had been. On cold mornings the girls would now gather together in their nightgowns on the floor next to the heater....they had no chair to sit in. Jason couldn't rest his feet on the windowsill and watch television, a position that he loved...and really missed. What was I to do? I had no choice.

I bought a new chair!

Yes I, the one who has on numerous occasions been referred to as a chair(for letting others "sit" on me), the one who never lets herself do anything "for herself", did the unimaginable - and bought a chair. Not a new chair for the living room, like originally thought, but a new, stylish chair for the bedroom. A chair just for me.

Did I feel guilty? Sure. Still do at times. But on Thursday, when the chair gets delivered, I will be squealing with pure excitement and trying my best to squash the word "selfish" out of my head's vocabulary.

Eat, Drink & Be Merry

2007-12-04T14:54:00.000-04:00

A meme for the holidays....

Four things you always find yourself drinking at Christmastime

Hot chocolate
Jack Daniels
7up
Wine

Four things you always eat around Christmastime

Turkey
dressing
candy canes
chocolate balls

Four people you buy presents for every Christmas

Samuel
Jules
Abby
Mom

Four people you always receive a present from at Christmas

Mom
Margaret
Christina
Grammy

Four presents you remember getting as a child

Barbie jeep
Annie necklace
a pink snowsuit(I was not impressed...LOL)
a Tandy computer

Four places you always visit over the holidays

Mom's house
Margaret's house
Sherry's house
Christina's house

Four people who always visit you over the holidays

Mom
Margaret
Sherry
Kellie

Four Holiday Gatherings you usually attend

Coughlan Family Christmas party
Underhill Family Christmas party
Kids school pageant
Jason's work Christmas party

Four Holiday movies you watch every year

It's A Wonderful Life
Home Alone
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
The Santa Clause

Four Christmas specials you still love to watch

Arthur's Perfect Christmas
Franklin's Christmas
A Charlie Brown Christmas
How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Four great holiday memories

When I saw Rudolph's nose flying through the sky...I swear I did!! :)
The first Christmas I spent with Jason
The first Christmas with the kids
Watching Mickey...our dog...open his present

Four not-so-great holiday memories

The year that we re-scheduled Christmas...I don't recommend it at all!!
Opening the store on Christmas morning
Closing the store on Christmas night
Taking Jules to the hospital(watching her put on IV)during a snowstorm on Christmas day

Four things you love about Christmas

the tree
the lights
gathering at Mom's on Christmas Eve
watching the kids on Christmas morning

Four things you don't love about Christmas

the crowds
the stressing over money
the sometimes hectic schedule
the pressure to visit when you'd rather stay home LOL

Four people you are tagging

Kellie
Sherry
Carol
Stacy

Name That Tune

2007-11-29T17:50:00.000-04:00

Thought I would check in for a minute. Haven't blogged in quite some time. I ran into town today to get groceries and finish up some Christmas shopping. I bought a few things for Jason (can't tell!) and finished Margaret's shopping for the kids. I dare say I'm done my Christmas shopping. All that's left is Dad and I think we are still all going in on his present, so that's just a matter of donating my amount of the money. No shopping really required. So just Dad and the "Christmas groceries" which I can't buy right now anyway. Cool! I think this is the earliest I've ever been done. Credit can be a wonderful thing....or not. :)

While perusing the kids toys at Zellers, I came across the game "Name That Tune" - 80's edition. It's a DVD game that apparently plays classic video clips. It's regular price was $39.97 but it was on clearance for only $12.97. So even though I hadn't allotted for it, I snatched it up anyway. Games always come in handy over the holidays. I think it's safe to say it will be played at least once over Christmas. The question is....can any of us beat Kellie?? She seems to be the expert of that era. Hmm...I am definitely up to the challenge. Game on!

My house is all decorated inside and out. We actually put up our tree on Sunday. I've slowly been decorating it, little by little. All that is left now is the ornaments. We would have been done already but Jason is working nights this week and we're waiting for us all to do it together. I looped boughs from the ceiling this year. It involved drilling holes in the gyp rock, much to Mom's dismay. Apparently this is something you just don't do. It's only three holes, in our center beam. We shoved those plastic anchor things into the holes and then screwed in screws. After Christmas I'm simply going to remove the screws and touch up with paint. Then next year, the holes will already be there, ready for screws. I'm hoping that you won't even notice them. I just can't live in a world where we can't hang the things we want, wherever we want them. I mean what's the point?

Right now I'm listening to Brook Benton sing "This time of year", it's an old Christmas song. I should totally hunt up some more Brook Benton songs. I never heard of him, other than this song. His voice sounds a bit like Nat King Cole? Or someone else? Maybe his voice sounds like Brook Benton and I have heard him before and didn't realize? Anyway it's a good voice singing a good song.

Is anyone else been watching Pushing Daisies? I really enjoy that show. It's so....charming. Whimsical even. It reminds me of something but I can't remember what. LOL. I sense a pattern coming on.

Caffeinated

2007-11-15T23:11:00.000-04:00

I should be in bed right now. I should. It's 11:12pm on a Thursday night. Scratch that, it's 11:13pm. Tomorrow morning I have to get up and get the kids ready and off to school and then myself ready and off to work. I know that the morning me would really appreciate it if I went to bed right now. But the thing is, I'm not tired. Why is that? I'm not sure. It could be the hot chocolate I drank at 10:15pm. Wait. Does hot chocolate have caffeine in it like coffee? I mean I know it obviously has some caffeine in it, but is it enough to keep you awake? It would appear so. Note to self: no hot chocolate after 9pm.

Cause I Can Take A Hint

2007-11-10T15:55:00.000-04:00

15 Cancelled TV Shows That I Miss(in no particular order)

Gilmore Girls
Once And Again
Out of Practice
The OC
Felicity
Everwood
Ally McBeal
Boston Public
Reunion
Roswell
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
Watching Ellie
The Class
Politically Incorrect
Another World

Independently Still

2007-10-11T09:42:00.000-03:00

My walk was cut short this morning, courtesy of a neighborhood dog, or rather by my fear that said dog was not too happy to see me. He had just finished chasing away the hydro man, when he turned to see me approaching. He stared at me for a while and then started to walk slowly toward me, almost creeping, with no tail wagging. I did the "Hell-ooo" in my most friendliest voice, but got no reaction. Rather than take any chances, I decided to turn around. To my surprise it began to follow me. For a second I was so scared that it might actually attack me that I called Mom on my cell phone, to ensure someone would come rushing to my rescue. I always carry my cell with me just in case the school needs to get in contact with me regarding the girls, but I guess it can come in handy for possible dog attacks too. :) The dog almost immediately turned around but I didn't. Defeated, I chose just to walk to the end of the road and back, which really is no walk at all. It started to rain before I got home, so I guess the dog saved me from a very wet walk.

What really surprised me is how disappointed I was in missing my walk. I mean this morning was a really dreary morning. It was already misting out before I even left. I've been quite fortunate that every other day that I've gone walking, the sun has been shining. And let's face it, it is so much easier to be in the mood to go out for a walk when it is a beautiful sunny morning. Yesterday was really my first overcast morning walk. I thought about not going. I did. But then I realized as much as it would be easier to use the weather as an excuse not to go, I really wanted to go. And then this morning, it was misting out, totally looked like it could rain at any second. I'm not going, I said. Not in the rain. No way. But then I found myself suiting up with hat and splash coat and away I went.....insert above dog story here.

What has happened to me?

Thanksgiving morning was a beautiful sunny morning. Blue skies. Colored leaves. Chilly air. A beautiful Fall morning for sure. So beautiful that it inspired me to go for one of my walks. I usually only go during the week. Jason was cooking breakfast while the kids were playing. I kissed everyone goodbye and off I went. What a great walk that was! I don't know if it was because it was Thanksgiving Sunday, or how beautiful a morning it was or maybe it was the songs that played on my iPod or a combination of all three. It was just very uplifting.

As I was walking home, with golden leaves softly falling and twirling around me I was reminded of another Thanksgiving some 12 years ago. Although I had had my driving license since I was 16, my parents had just put insurance on their sky blue 4x4 Jimmy for me for the first time. Jason and I were still living separately at our parents' houses. I asked to take the Jimmy for a drive up to Jason's house and since my parents weren't going anywhere and I was now an insured driver, they actually said "yes". It was my first time driving alone. I pulled out the driveway feeling so independent. I drove along the Barnettville road with the sun shining down on me. How cool was this? Look at me! Finally! Ahead the road was sprinkled with multi-colored leaves. I sped over them and glanced back to see them dancing in the air behind me. I remember thinking, "I did that. I made those leaves dance. Me. All by myself". Sure it doesn't sound like much now, but at the time it meant a lot. To me it was a symbol of my independence. My adult life was about to begin.

Looking back, I guess it did. My parents had paid for insurance because I, along with my sister, was working at the mall in town. It saved them from having to taxi us back and forth. Soon I would buy my very own car. A clunker that would give me quite an education in motor vehicles. Then later, of course, Jason would get on at Weyerhaueser and we would make the final move out of our parents' houses and into a basement duplex in town. And the rest, as they say, is history.

But getting back to my Thanksgiving walk, with the memories, along with the leaves, swirling around my head. I felt somewhat the same as I had that fateful Thanksgiving drive. Only this time, instead of the excitement that filled me as I raced through the leaves to make them dance, I was filled with a peaceful calm as I walked along while the leaves softly fell around me. I wish I could put it into words better. It was like back then I couldn't wait to go out and make things happen, you know? Remember when you were twenty years old and what that felt like? But now I've grown. I've changed. Now I cherish those times when I don't have to do anything. When I can just breathe, you know? Like I said, it's hard to put into words.

I walked up my walkway and up the porch steps and opened my front door. The house was now filled with the smell of bacon. Jason and the kids had already finished eating and he had just tucked a plate for me into the microwave. I took my still-warm breakfast outside and ate it on the porch while sitting in one of my favorite yellow chairs. Jason was now washing his old white car on the lawn, while the kids ran around laughing. Our burnt orange maple tree glowed against the clear blue sky.

I smiled.

Sometimes the best moments in life happen when you are doing nothing at all.

Walk On

2007-09-27T08:07:00.000-03:00

I have embraced the fact that all my kids are in school. In fact I'm past embracing and am now down right enjoying it. Every morning, after sending the kids off on the bus, I take a moment to drink my coffee and then I go out for a walk. These walks have really helped me. I'm not walking as part of some exercise regimen to lose weight, but simply because it makes me feel good. I plug my iPod in, listen to whatever song happens to come on and I'm off. I come back feeling pumped and ready for the rest of the day.

It is so strange because at first I was walking just because I had made a promise to myself that I would. I made myself go. I would pray for rainy windy days that would make it easier to say no, let myself off the hook and stay home. But it's become a habit now. I find myself looking forward to it, enjoying it. On the days that I don't go for some reason, like when I have to go to town or the kids are home sick, I really miss my walk. It's just a little bit of time spent alone with myself. Yes, I am home alone all day, but here in the house, there is always something that needs to be done, something you feel like you should be doing. But out on the road, for that brief period of time, it's just me and the music.

I think I'm hooked.

And....begin.

2007-09-06T09:07:00.000-03:00

The first day of school has come and gone. Abby was so excited she barely slept the night before and hardly ate anything for breakfast that morning. Jason had taken the last half of his night shift off so he could wake up and see her off. There was of course the mad rush to make sure everyone was fed, dressed and packed. I had to pack so many things to take with us that I didn't know how we were going to carry it all. Six boxes of Kleenex, two sharps containers, glucagon, two red bags for carrying snacks to gym, etc..., newly filled insulin pen, pen needles, three pairs of inside shoes, four cases of juice boxes, four 3-packs of cracker snacks, and let's not forget the digital and video cameras. God bless Sobey's reusable shopping bags!

Finally when everyone was all ready and the pictures were taken, Jason headed outside to start up the old 68' Dodge. This was of course, the vehicle that Jason wanted us to drive up to the school in. We filled it with all the bags we had to carry, and left it idling at the mouth of the driveway. Being so busy, I never had time to cry or get too sentimental over the moment. Then the bus came. As I watched her walk across the road and climb those steps, it was like time stood still for a moment. Or the very least, went in slow motion. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. She sat down and smiled at me through the window, her tiny hand waving furiously.....and then she was gone.

I stood still for just a second, feeling the moment, and then the mad rush continued. We had to beat the bus up to the school, grab all of the bags and be standing curbside, camera ready for when she stepped off the bus for the first time. The parking lot was full of parents doing the very same thing, so we were forced to park on the side of the road. Narrowly escaping falling into the deep ditch, I managed to somehow grab the heaviest bag there and walked as fast as I could to the front steps. Phew! Mission accomplished. Abby, Jules and Samuel all departed the bus and our whole family walked into the school. Surreal.

Abby never once seemed scared or sad. After unpacking our load and talking with both teachers, reviewing the girls schedules, etc., it was finally time to leave. By this time, our car was the only one left, sitting there all alone by the side of the road. How bizarre it was to walk across the parking lot, get into the car and drive off without taking Abby with us. Jason and I both turned to look into the back seat, almost surprised not to see her sitting there smiling at us. The past two years had been filled with special times spent with her while her siblings were at school. And now for the first time in 7 & 1/2 years, there was only Jason and myself. No kids at all. Bizarre indeed.

Just as we had done last year, we headed up to Nine Pine for breakfast....our new tradition. The place is filled every year with parents celebrating the first day of school. This year we were joined by Sherry and Gary, who with Anna in preschool, also found themselves childless for the day. During breakfast, Mom called the cell just to let me know that Abby was doing fine. After returning home, I tried to busy myself with things that I enjoyed doing, so as not to sit and watch the clock. I decorated the porch for Fall, which was my first time, considering we did not move in last year til the end of October.

At 1:50pm, the phone rang. It was the school saying that Abby was 24.6! Got Mom to give her 1.5 units before sending her onto the bus. And so it begins......

The trio arrived home safe, sound and still looking forward to school tomorrow, which I guess is all you can ask for. I'm sure before you know it, I will be too.

Fall In

2007-09-02T19:33:00.000-03:00

Summer vacation is officially over. Tomorrow will be filled with baths, braids(girls' choice for first day of school) and butterflies...in my stomach, that is. This Summer was everything I wanted it to be. Calm. That was all I ordered, all I wished for. Calmness. And God delivered. So why then, do I feel so sad? Like I never got my fill? I guess everyone feels like that. Summer is smart.....it always leaves you wanting more. No one ever gets sick of Summer.

Right now Jason is gone up to Blackville to pick up a movie for him and I to watch, once the kids go to bed. He and I plan to enjoy a glass of wine, some snacks and frankly each other, one last time before we are thrust into the world of homework, bedtimes and everything else that comes with school, for another year. Then the countdown will begin for Thanksgiving,...Remembrance Day....and before you know it, we'll all know how many weeks there are until Christmas(16, if you're interested).

I must admit that I am feeling the urge to become more organized. I dare say I am looking forward to it. One of the perks of having all your children in school, is that you can tackle a job like housecleaning a room or organizing the basement, and not have to stop to referee a fight, check the girls sugars, or listen to them constantly asking you when lunch is going to be ready. If you wanted to, you could even (gasp!) skip lunch altogether. I'm not sure how long this nesting period will last. A week? A month? Who knows?

What I do know for sure is that Fall is coming whether we like it or not. So I'm choosing to like it. To focus on all the things that I enjoy about this season. The crisp air, colorful foliage, decorating the porch, etc... And you know I am dying to dig out my sweaters! I am such a sweater girl.

Anyway, time to get the kids ready for bed. Jason has returned with Premonition starring Sandra Bullock and that guy from Nip Tuck, whose name escapes me.

...and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

2007-08-31T23:43:00.000-03:00

I should so be in bed now. Definitely going very soon. Sleepover went well. The kids had a really good time, as I knew they would. Mom got up and checked them at 3am, as I knew she would. Well, the rational part of me knew anyway. The irrational part kept asking her if she wanted me a 3am wake up call. She of course declined. The movie was also very good, as I knew it would(sorry, just seeing how far I can go with this). I'm not sure who is the bigger star in that film - Matt Damon or the director. I just love the cinematography. It makes you feel like you are walking through the streets with him. The sound was really good too, especially this one part where the glass is shattering. Awesome! And of course it had amazing fight sequences. The Bourne Ultimatum....see it,....if you haven't already.

Today was a lovely rainy day. I say that without even a hint of sarcasm. I've always oddly enjoyed rainy days. Gives you permission to stay home and do nothing. And that's pretty much what I did today. Well I did get the kids to give their rooms a thorough cleaning, do a little bit of laundry, and the usual bed making and sweeping....but really nothing major at all. Instead I listened to some Carol King and Otis Redding, slow cooked a roast for supper and watched When Harry Met Sally for probably the hundredth time. Love it! Who cares that I literally know every line they are going to say before they say it. It's a classic. I also got a touch of the (gasp!) Christmas spirit today. I know, I know....I will try not to mention it again. Just sometimes I can't help myself.

Tomorrow we are planning on going across the river to camp for the night, where I will try to remember to "throw it like a Frisbee and aim for the holes", obvious advice courtesy my lovely Aunt Donna.

Before I retire to the boudoir, I must tell a quick story from earlier in the week. Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban was on CBC. Anyone who knows the story knows that the character of Lupin is a werewolf. My husband has a phobia of werewolves. An odd phobia, I know, considering werewolves do not exist, but so it is. Anyway, when the movie, which had some howling werewolves scenes, was over we went to bed. We had the bedroom windows open since it was such a nice night outside. Jason set his alarms and I was writing in my journal when we heard howling. At first I dismissed it as an echo in my mind from the movie. But then the howling happened again...and again....and again. I turned to Jason. We exchanged looks. And he promptly got up out of bed and closed the windows. LOL. The look on his face was priceless. Just thought it was ironic that the coyotes would howl at that exact time.

Five Days Left

2007-08-30T11:49:00.000-03:00

Still trying to maintain composure over Abby starting school. She is sooo excited, constantly asking me what day is it. We are pretty much ready for school to begin. Bags are backed, names written on everything, hair cut, even the clothes thing has been taken care of. I usually go insane doing the clothes switch-a-roo. This is where having a basement really comes in handy. Took me no time. I knew where everything was and just picked out some Fall things. No sense in digging out all the heavy sweaters and coats, etc.. when they won't be wearing them yet. When we lived in the trailer and I stored everything over at Mom's, I had to spend an entire day looking through clothes. I would come home with tons of bags of clothes that included everything for Fall and Winter. Never wanted to have to spend another day doing it so I would always bring over everything. Would drive myself crazy every season. Thank God that's over.

Tonight all three of my kids are having a sleepover at Mom's house. It is the girls first time sleeping away since their diagnosis. Even though they will literally just be across the street, I find myself feeling a bit nervous. Yes my Mom is fully trained and has babysat for me often, it's the nighttime thing that worries me. We still check their sugars in the night at around 3am, and although Mom has assured me that she will do the same, those little irrational worries creep in. Like will she get up? Will she sleep through her alarm? Will she even set an alarm? Should I just set an alarm and call her to be sure? Crazy, crazy, crazy. Guess just another "first" that I have to go through. I really want the girls to have an enjoyable sleepover. Especially Jules, since she has complained that Samuel has gotten to sleep over at a friends house and she hasn't. One of those times where you so don't want diabetes to make her life different than his, but can't help it.

Taking full advantage of the situation, Jason and I plan to go to the movies tonight. I have had free air miles tickets for almost six months. We have just never managed to go, usually due to babysitting issues. But tonight the babysitting is taken care of. Jason is working days this week so we can go and catch an early show and still be back in time for him to get enough sleep. Think we are going to see The Bourne Ultimatum. Tonight is it's last night playing. If it is anything like the previous two, it should be good.

Was thinking of taking the kids up to the school today to show Abby her classroom. The teachers are not working tomorrow so today is my last chance to do it before school actually starts. But I still have a lot of things I want to do before taking kids over to Mom's. Hmmmm..... Told the kids earlier in the week that I would do it, so I guess I will just have to fit it in.

They Should Make Pills For This

2007-08-25T09:31:00.000-03:00

So much I would like to say but don't really want to take the time. I've been up. I've been down. (isn't that lyrics to a song?) I was doing amazingly well all Summer, all things considered and then I guess I slipped. Down into that dark hole that always seems so hard to get out of. After some analyzing I have come to the conclusion that a huge part of it was due to lack of sleep. Something that I rarely take into consideration. Getting up in the night here is just part of our regular routine now (checking girls' sugars), I never think of how it might affect us. Jason and I would always alternate nights, but now that he is working, we alternate weeks. The week he works nights, he checks them as soon as he gets home, while I check them when he is on days. And I guess getting up in the night 6-7 days in a row can sometimes have it's affect on a person. Go figure.

Anyway I'm back now. I'm consciously trying to focus on the plus side of Abby starting school. Really what is the negative? All it means is that she growing up....which is what we want anyway, right? I can now even find myself looking forward to having some free time home alone. How lucky am I? This is sooo not a problem....just ask any working Mom! I will also be available to work at the school more. Last year I had to turn down many a day cause I had no one who could look after Abby. We are going to really need the money...can't even think of how we are going to do Christmas this year. Hmmm...just might have to pull a Tonya Harding and make some work for myself. Gotta find me a big stick.

And she's ok

2007-08-22T09:36:00.000-03:00

Last night I took a bath - a nice, hot bubble bath. I literally cannot remember the last time I did this. I should do it more often. What is it about water that feels so healing? The instant my legs immersed into the water, I felt better. Like A LOT better. It was as if I had dipped myself in some kind of magical potion.

Abracadabra! (poof)

And then I was myself again.

If I Had A Million Dollars...ALC Contest

2007-08-08T11:07:00.000-03:00

Following Carol's lead....here is my pic.

https://eclubrewards.alc.ca/default.aspx?p=r&r=c_mil_eafreturn&cid=fee37d22-95ae-4c30-8b7b-a681df568f4e

Meme Time

2007-08-07T10:20:00.000-03:00

This one comes from Andrea

1. Who is your favorite style icon from the 20's - 40's? This is a hard one. There are so many to choose from, but I will say Marlena Dietrich and/or Katherine Hepburn. They were the brave ones who dared to wear "trousers". LOL.

2. If money was no object, how would you decorate your whole home? We just built a new home last Fall, and I was blessed enough to paint/decorate every room pretty much however I wanted. So, amazingly I would say I already got to do that. Having said that, I would love to have an electric fireplace in the living room, along with a sofa table, book case and new end table. To add some new art work would also be cool.

3. What's the most annoying toy your kids have? This one is not near as bad as it used to be. LOL. The girls have tons of pairs of those plastic high heel shoes. The noise they make on the floor can get quite annoying by times. Samuel's electric battleship game makes a noise the entire time you're playing it, that can grate on your nerves. Other than that, it's actually not too bad right now.....but Christmas is coming. :)

4. What culture fascinates you? I've always been fascinated with the Native American culture in the way they trust and respect nature.

5. What's the earliest thing you remember? Jeez, this is hard.....For some reason I want to say sucking on a cold face cloth. LOL. No idea why. Teething maybe? I vaguely remember my Mom discovering the fact that I had pooped in my pants and trying to convince her that it was a puzzle piece in there and not what she thought. I was twelve at the time. LOL.

The rules of the meme:

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like the food you hate most in all the world, etc.. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment about asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

My Big Fat Family Reunion

2007-08-03T10:54:00.000-03:00

It's that time of year again.....for the great big family reunion weekend. I cannot believe how fast the summer is passing. Well...I guess I can, since it always seems to fly by. Wonder why that is? Why does summer fly by and Winter drag on? Could it be that one lasts for two months and the other lasts for six? .....Yep, that's it. Anyway, last night we took our trailer over and set it up. Mom and Sherry did too. We're in a different place in the field this year, but I think it will be a nice change. The weather right now is calling for some rain, so I think it's good that we all have awnings, thinking they might come in handy.

It was very bizarre to be standing back in that field last night, feeding the horses. I kept staring over at Grammy's & Granddad's house, memories flooding my mind. Only now the memories are different. They are of last year, when all hell broke loose and we suddenly found ourselves living there. What a roller coaster ride last year was for my family. Sometimes it still takes me a few minutes to process it all. I am sure I will have my moments this weekend, when I will be thankful that I am wearing sunglasses. Only I won't be crying for the reasons you think, not out of sorrow or pity, etc.. Instead all tears will come from grace, from gratitude. Living there in that house helped me. It comforted me when I so needed comfort. There were times when I never wanted to move - ever. Not even into my brand new home, which was slowly making it's way to us. I would sit in Grammy's rocking chair and read by her lamp. I loved feeling the warmth of the fire that came from the stove in the kitchen. I grew accustomed to seeing the horses everyday, enjoyed the fact that they were getting to know me and I them. They were definitely part of the healing process. And perhaps one of the best things to come out of all this, is our relationship with my aunt & uncle. We've made friends in them. We visit them now and sit and have tea and talk for hours. I will always cherish those months when we were neighbors.

Now I must go and start doing the things that must be done before we leave tomorrow, laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc... Procrastination is a horrible thing that I do much too often.

And The Green Grass Grows All Around

2007-07-26T09:40:00.000-03:00

Just a quick update.....haven't blogged in a bit.

We have finally made some headway in the yard work area. Our grass is growing as we speak. Will try to post some pics later. Jason finished building my flowerbed alongside the porch. Pretty awesome! Although I did not have enough hemlock ties to finish one on the other side of the step. :( Too bad. Perhaps we can purchase a couple more at some later point. I think it would look even better if it covered the whole front of the house. I also hit the garden centers to catch the sales. Managed to pick up quite a few different perennials. They're all quite small, but will grow with age. And they don't usually sell full grown shrubs for $2.

So yes, the grass seed has been planted. Jason has been working nights all week, so the responsibility of watering the lawn, has been passed down to me. It takes me approximately an hour and a half to water it. It is quite the large area. Cannot wait until watering phase is over. This recent heat wave has not helped at all. But it will all be worth it when we finally have a back yard. Can't wait!

This past Sunday, as some of you know, was the anniversary of Jules' diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes. I had always intended to write a long post retelling the story, complete with before and after pics. But when Sunday finally came, I opted not to blog at all. In fact, a vast majority of the day I was not thinking of her anniversary at all...which I took as a good sign. I think I had so many moments of mourning, remembering, and even healing, leading up to that day, that when the day finally arrived....I had nothing. I felt that sitting down to write this long drawn out post would only make me feel bad, so why do it? At one point I actually thought about telling Jules that it was her anniversary, but quickly opted against it too, for the same reason. I think , hope that Abby's anniversary will pass the same way.

She is fine.

They are fine.

WE are fine.

And the green grass grows all around. :)

Cause You Never Know....

2007-07-20T10:14:00.000-03:00

Reunited...And It Feels So Good

2007-07-19T10:33:00.000-03:00

Friday morning, before we left to go camping, a package finally came in the mail from Utah.

And then we had ourselves one happy camper. :)

Stainy Weather

2007-07-11T09:56:00.000-03:00

This weather is getting ridiculous. Seriously. It is getting harder and harder not to complain about it ALL the time....and I like rain usually. But come on! Since Summer vacation officially started I don't think we've had one full day of sun. I'm wearing my knitted slippers and cardigan sweaters and it's not even Fall yet, it's barely mid July. I think I can even blame it for forming my recent tea drinking habit. I guess if one had to choose a Summer to have such sucky weather, it should be the one with no vacation plans. There's nothing like forking over money, waiting for months and then having it rain your entire trip. The only excursions we have planned are camping ones, that does not involve investing too much money.

We DO have plans though. Plans that involve bulldozing, topsoil, grass seed, cement tiles, building flower beds, etc... And this rain just isn't helping. Especially to someone who has no patience for waiting, such as myself. For days I waited to stain the porch. The label on the can reads "Do not use if rain is expected in the next 24 hours".

Gee.

Nice.

At this rate I could have been waiting for months.

Nope.

Couldn't do it.

I threw caution to the wind and stained anyway.

And it rained.

Damn.

No harm, no foul. The front steps just need a second coat now. :)

I've continued to stain now for days, weeks even. Any spare moment that I have when the sky does not look like it is about to fall, I've spent staining. I enjoy it. It's therapeutic somehow. It brings me joy. I've stained the railing of the porch white (2 coats), the kids play house white (2 coats), the back step railing white(2 coats) and the porch floor, steps and outer face a wood stain. I've also painted the kids playhouse door, and my rocking chair and table on the porch, a happy shade of yellow. Plus I put one coat of stain on an Adirondack chair.

I've been accused of being a little obsessed.

I still want to stain the floor and stairs of the back step, put one more coat of white on the kids playhouse and stain the floor of it's tiny porch, plus stain both of my Adirondack chairs. I'm also toying with the idea of staining my basement stairs the same as the porch floor.

They are supposed to come today(or yesterday) to bulldoze and bring topsoil. Then the real fun will begin. Kents is delivering my cement tiles for my walk and hemlock ties for my flowerbed tomorrow. That reminds me.....those wooden ties will require stain too. :)

Number of days cloud free - 0
Number of times I said the word "stain" - 12
Feeling I get while working outside - Priceless

A1C

2007-07-10T10:13:00.000-03:00

Yesterday was the girls' A1C blood test. Every three months they have this done. It shows the doctors their average blood sugars for that period. We put an Emla patch on the inside of one of their elbows as to freeze the site. This way it doesn't hurt so much. Jules' will even go so far as to say that it makes it not hurt at all...... just feel funny. Abby is usually not too bad either. She will still cry but it's more of a soft cry just cause she's nervous or a little scared. Yesterday was different.

Yesterday Abby sat on my lap in the lab, like she always does, and holding her friend. Sunny the bear has come more than once, but this time it was a Barbie fairy princess that she gripped tightly in her hands. Jules' was already done and picking out stickers and digging through finger puppets. I removed her Emla patch and the nurse started looking for a vein. Abby started to whimper, right on cue.......just like always. Suddenly as the nurse was about to insert the needle, Abby started crying, not softly this time but loudly, "Nooo! I don't want you to! Please don't! Noooo!". It was horrible. I found it very hard not to cry myself. Afterward, in the parking lot, we were buckling them up into the van. Jules and Abby were in the back together. Abby turns to Jules and says "That was kinda scary".

It's moments like these that suck me dry. Wipe me out. Takes me a little while to recover.

I am not looking forward to October.

Cause I've Got Nothing To Say

2007-07-06T10:53:00.001-03:00

Love the color of these petunias......called "Daddy Blue".

My new hanging baskets with more petunias. Love them!

Our new BBQ! Woo-Hoo! (note: newly painted yellow rocker in background)

His & Hers Adirondack chairs that I've always wanted. (Plan to stain these yellow too.)

Kids playhouse after make-over. Much better.

My rose bush is blooming!

Summer Sequel

2007-06-26T10:17:00.000-03:00

As I've mentioned before, we are planning on putting Jason's old car in the Canada Day Parade. Yesterday morning, I had a genius idea. Since we're going to be driving through the community very slowly while everyone looks on....what better opportunity to thank said community for their support? Kinda make it into a Team Keenan float, if you will.

I bought some white Bristol board to make signs. Haven't quite decided how to word it yet, but it will be something along the lines of "Team Keenan thanks you for supporting us in the Walk for the Cure". We're all going to wear our JDRF t-shirts and we've already purchased a flag kit for the car. I also bought some sticky-back magnet strips for attaching the signs to the car, so as not to hurt the paint. Very important you know. :)

I told the kids and Jules got very excited. All of this has been very beneficial to her, I think. The story in the paper, the support at the yard sale, participating in the Walk.....it has shown her that people out there really do care. I've never been one to enjoy the limelight...or the spot light...or anything that would draw attention to myself. LOL. But all of that goes out the window when it comes to this. I would never want my little hang ups get in the way. I guess that's just one of the many blessings that has come out of all this....helping me to let go of some of my issues.

Good news! Samuel has decided to join us after all. Of course, only after we promised him candy. LOL. It's all about the food for him, you know. We're still planning on going camping Friday and Saturday night. So far the weather is looking alright. I hope it holds out.

Yesterday Jason and I had the rare opportunity of being in town without the kids. So we grabbed some Dixie Lee Chicken(hadn't eaten there in ages!) and headed over to the Richie Wharf and ate it outside by the water. Lovely! Sitting there under the pagoda(as God is my witness I WILL have one someday!) with the breeze blowing, I was reminded of the island. Oh, how I want to go back there someday! It felt so like Summer. I commented to Jason that it felt like July. You know how July has a feeling? And then, of course, I was reminded of last July.

The last time we were at the Richie Wharf was two days before Jules' diagnosis. Jason's brother was home visiting from Ontario. We had just received our official floor plan of our new house. Life was grand. My stomach turned a little. It's like my reflex is to start mourning all over again. And then I have to remind myself that she's ok. Abby's ok. We're ok. All of this happens in my mind, in the time span of 3 seconds. Then more enjoying the sun, and the breeze and quality time with my husband. Then I spot a tour boat sailing into view. I'm reminded again of that fateful day when Jason's parents and brother and his family took a tour of the river while we waited for them to return. Stomach turns......mourning......we're ok.

I think this will happen a lot to me, and with greater frequency, until the anniversary comes and goes. Last Summer seemed like it was stolen from us. It's like Christmas. You look so forward to it, counting down the days til it's arrival and then it finally comes......and it sucks! You're shocked. You want a do-over. You can't believe you have to wait a whole year til it comes again. This Summer is like our "do-over". We've gone through the ups of downs, trials and tribulations of a whole year with Diabetes, and now we've been rewarded with Summer's arrival. And we're fine. No, better than fine. We're strong.

And life is grand.

Gratitude

2007-06-25T22:17:00.000-03:00

One night last week I was rummaging around in my night stand and discovered my old gratitude journal. I had not written in it(or any journal for that matter) in a very long time. Too long. I began to read. You know how they say that you don't know what you've got until it's gone? Well I now know that I always knew......I always knew how blessed I was. And that was good to know.

Previously I would write five things that I was grateful for that day. I'm sure some people would think that I might find it hard to be grateful, considering the year we've had. But I say I have even more blessings than ever before. So now, every night, instead of just writing five things, I write ten. It's become my favorite part of bed time. To put pen to paper and reflect on all my good fortune. What better way to end the day?

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha

Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines. ~ Leroy Satchel Paige

Night Shift

2007-06-24T10:19:00.000-03:00

One of the only benefits to Jason working nights this week is that I will not have to get up at 3am to check the girls' sugars. I've had to get up Sunday thru Saturday. I getting a wee bit played out. Last night I didn't get up until well after 4am, and then it seems so hard to get back to sleep again. The joys of diabetes.

Another plus to the night shift is that it gives Jason a four day weekend. Woo-hoo! He'll sleep in Friday until 11am or so and then he's not required to work until Tuesday morning. We were thinking of going camping but are torn, considering all the Canada day festivities. We could leave at dinner time on Friday, and come home early Sunday morning, so that we wouldn't miss the parade and annual party at my Aunt's house. But this would mean we would miss the fireworks on Saturday night. Hmmm. We're supposed to gather at Kel's house for the Rock n' Roll fireworks the next week. So maybe the kids wouldn't mind. I guess it will all depend on the weather.

We're planning on being in the parade this year, with all of us in Jason's old car. I figure we might as well, considering we found ourselves in the parade last year. LOL(see archives). Samuel is not at all interested in participating. He would much rather be catching candy then throwing it. Go figure.

The whole family spent the day in town yesterday. Had a detour with Jules at the hospital. Nothing serious, she's fine. I bought Dad his late Father's Day gift, and got myself an Adirondack chair. It's wooden, unstained and lovely! I plan to stain it yellow, so it will stand out on my porch. I still need to finish staining the porch itself but the rain won't let up. I hope to have the white part all done by Canada day.

We ran into a couple we know in Walmart. They pulled us aside to ask us questions about our new house; if we liked it, etc... They also said they had heard how beautiful our house was inside. Wow! It was so bizarre to be on the other end of that conversation. Don't know if I'll ever get used to it.

Schools Out For Summer....Well Almost

2007-06-21T10:43:00.000-03:00

Today is the last day that Abby and I will be waiting and watching for the kids to come home from school and get off the bus. Yes there is still school tomorrow, but Abby has a full day of preschool while Jules and Samuel only have a half day. So this is it. Next year it will be just me waiting for the three of them to come home. Very weird and somewhat sad. I'd like to think that I'm not as neurotic as I was when Jules and Samuel started kindergarten....but only Summer will tell. It's hard not to get sad when you know how fast they are growing up.

I am really looking forward to Summer this year, perhaps more than I ever have. Which is strange, considering this is the first year in a long time that Jason has no vacation and we have no plans to travel anywhere. No PEI. No Fundy. We'll be very lucky if we go camping in Moncton. Even luckier to go camping more than twice. Money is beyond tight right now. But still the ~~excitement~~ contentment for Summer is there.

As anyone who has not been living under a rock already knows, we had a hard Summer last year. Very hard. And it had nothing to do with the fact that we weren't going anywhere on vacation. This year the expectations are not as high as previous years. While other Summers were filled with planning trips and scheduled fun family time, this year the only expectation or hope can be described in one word. Calm.

This year I will drink in every minute of this Summer and be grateful for the calmness. The lack of excitement. We had enough excitement last year, thank you.

Super Freak

2007-06-13T08:34:00.000-03:00

Got some great news last night. My brother is engaged! Yes I know that they've only been together for five months, but I think this is such a good thing! She is very nice and really seems to care for Lee and he for her. It's great that I don't have to worry about him being alone anymore. I think this is really a 'til death' relationship. They're definitely in it for the long haul. Jules was very excited when I told her, visions of dresses dancing in her head. lol. But she'll have to wait a year or maybe two for the blessed event, since there is no date set as of yet.

In other news, Jason and I drove down to Moncton last Friday evening to retrieve "Do-your-best-Bear", better known to us as "the little bugger". lol. He had been left behind at the motel and was deeply missed by all. Seriously. It was quite dramatic when we realized he was missing. Did wonders for my "Mother guilt". I had phoned the motel Sunday night and was told that he was nowhere to be found. A cousin who went to Moncton on Monday, dropped in and checked for us. Still no bear. So what was a parent to do? Samuel decided if he couldn't have the original he would settle for a duplicate, so onto to the Internet we went, searching for "the little bugger". Turns out that he is a collector's item. Seriously. The only place I could find him where they would ship to Canada was on eBay. So, there we were bidding on a care bear on eBay like those freaks who collect such things, just to have them sit on a shelf or in a glass case. (No offense if you happen to be one).

Late Monday night, the phone rings. It is the motel. They found the bear! Oh joy! Thank you God! I can't wait to tell Samuel in the morning! .........Then it hits me. The auction! As anyone who has ever bid on eBay knows, any bid you make is considered a legally binding contract. You are not allowed to retract it. And since we were so anxious to comfort Samuel, our maximum bid was pretty hefty, ......well, hefty for a teddy bear anyway. So of course we won the auction. (Crap!) I mean, not even the freaks would outbid us! So who is the freak now? lol.

And so it is that right now, somewhere in Utah, another "little bugger" is planning a trip.

Oh well, now we have a spare. :)

Little Wonders

2007-06-11T18:31:00.000-03:00

Rob Thomas says it best...

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know, the hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made in these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours still remain

All of my regret will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours still remain

Walking On Sunshine

2007-06-05T09:11:00.000-03:00

Saturday morning we packed up the family and headed for Moncton. This was the weekend of the walk. We arrived around noon and checked into our motel room. We stayed in the same place as we did when we were down buying the van. It's perfect for us because it has a full kitchen, that way we can bring some of our own food to supplement cost. It also has two double beds and a fold out couch, which we needed since my mother was staying with us. The biggest selling feature of course is the heated indoor pool. The kids couldn't wait to go swimming. All of this for $95 plus tax! Hard to beat that!

We had a quick lunch with the rest of our group(their room wasn't ready) and then we took the kids shopping. Abby was very excited because we were also celebrating her birthday. The stores were mostly crowded, almost annoyingly so. It was hard to keep track of the kids. They were always running off with Mom, Kel or Sher. In the dollar store, I searched for something that all of us could wear to unite our team at the walk. I really would have like to have ball caps, but since it was the dollar store, this was hard to find. We opted instead for pink visors. Pink, of course, because we were representing such girly girls. lol. Maybe we should have done crowns?

After shopping, we ran into DQ and bought Abby her ice cream cake that we promised her. Then it was time for her "party". Everyone gathered in our motel room where we ate take-out, ice cream cake and watched Abby open her presents. She really enjoyed herself. I'm glad that she got to have a special birthday. Samuel is now asking if he can have his next birthday party in Moncton. Ummmm, no! lol. Then it was time to go into the pool. Jason had bought the kids these long plastic water shooters.....not a good idea. I might "accidentally" leave those home next time. It was great to be in the water again. First swim of the season! Later in the evening, we did our usual trek to Value Village. We always seem to go there whenever we are in the city. It might sound sad, but this is how I get clothes. This trip I snatched three pairs of jeans, one pair of shorts and a tee. Not too shabby.

The next morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining. We all ate breakfast together in the motel's little diner. Not feeling like eating the usual fare, I choose the Belgian waffle with strawberries and cream. Heaven! I couldn't finish all of it, it was so big. Then it was time to pack up, check out and don our visors!

JDRF's Walk for the Cure was located in Riverfront Park in downtown Moncton. In other words it's in behind Main Street, along the Petticodiac River. In regards to the walk, I must start by saying that it was one of the most organized events I've ever been to. Awesome! Since we were early, we snagged a picnic table and managed to keep it throughout the entire time. I led my team over to where we submit our pledges. When they saw how much we raised, they gave us a round of applause. Very nice. They also gave me a walk t-shirt, a nice bag and an ipod shuffle! Very nice indeed! My teammates also got a t-shirt, but no ipod. :( An ipod was the incentive prize for any walker who personally earned more than $1000, and since our yardsale profits were on my pledgesheet.....I got the ipod. Oh well, there's always next year girls. lol.

Scattered around the park were activities for kids. There was a jumping castle, some sort of blow-up tunnel castle, an arts and crafts table and the most amazing face painting.

There was also a very efficient BBQ area(no lines!), a snack stand, and coolers everywhere filled with ice cold water, juice and pop. Everything was free! Maybe the best part was the band Cat Sass - freaking awesome! I mean every single song was good. Their music really helped pump everyone up. A hockey player(#26) from the Moncton Wildcats and it's furry mascot were also there getting their pics taken with kids and signing t-shirts.

He signed my shirt, which would probably be more cool if I knew who he was. lol. Abby was not at all impressed with the mascot. She's not that into large fuzzy strangers trying to hug her. Go figure.

At 1:45pm, the band announced that it was picture time and could all the kids with diabetes please come up to the front of the stage to get their picture taken together. My girls were pretty well in the center, with fellow diabetic kids on either side. Just as the kids were finally all situated and smiling for pics, the band starts playing You and Me by Lifehouse. "What day is it.....". They were not 3 notes in and I was crying. I will never be able to hear it again without crying and seeing this image in my head.

Just after this pic was shot, two babies were seated on the right hand side. They were no more than 7-8 months old. It made me cry even harder to know that they too had this disease.

A few sleeve wipes later (I forgot kleenex) and after a very interesting trip with the kids to the port-a-potty, it was time to start the actual walk. We all lined up at the Start sign. Much to my Mom's chagrin, a bagpipe player started to play. And then we were off! The walk did not seem to take too long, 35-45 mins I would say. To Samuel, it was an eternity. lol. Jason carried Abby a lot of the time. Halfway through they had a stand set up with water bottles, where we took a rest so we could check the girls sugars. Then it was time for the home stretch.

This whole experience has helped me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I would recommend it to anyone who has gone through the same situation. I can not begin to describe my emotions as my family neared the finish line. Jason, the kids and I all held hands and stepped across. It was like that finish line represented so much more than just a 5k walk. It was that together, as a family, we had been to hell and back and yet we were not beaten. In fact we were stronger than ever. A moment I will never forget.

Ready for the Walk?

2007-05-31T09:26:00.000-03:00

I've been active online much more than usual this week. Blogging, twittering, facebooking, etc... Don't get too used to it, though. As anyone who follows me knows I go through phases. Periods of time where I will blog everyday, or like today - twice a day, followed by weeks of nothing. lol.

I just received an email from the JDRF fundraising coordinator in Moncton. She sent out an email to all team captains to go over some last minute information and instructions. I read the instructions regarding submitting pledges, etc.. and then began reading the schedule of Sunday's events.

12pm – 1:45 pm - Registration (all pledges should be remitted by 1:45 pm)
12pm – 1:45 pm – Live Entertainment by musical band “Cat Sass”, BBQ, refreshments and activities for kids of all ages
1:30 pm – group picture of all children with Juvenile Diabetes (this picture will be used for a Thank You poster after the walk

I started to cry. Just the image of a group of young children gathered together, all smiles, all suffering with Diabetes would have been enough to make me cry back in the day. But now my two beautiful daughters faces will be there too. Too much.

She ended the email with the usual "if you have any questions, please contact me" etc... But then in large letters she wrote:

On Sunday, June 3rd, we WILL WALK TO CURE DIABETES!

And again the waterworks! I'm starting to become anxious about the walk now. If I can't read an email without bawling, how am I going to hold it together on Sunday? I've always known it was going to be an emotional, moving experience. I've just been avoiding thinking about it, I guess. Instead I've focused on the yard sale, Abby's birthday, etc.. But now the walk is upon us and there's no avoiding it any longer. It's one thing to get misty eyed and quite another to convulse uncontrollably. I don't want the kids to have to witness that. lol. Sunglasses are most definitely on the top of my list of things to pack, followed by a box of kleenex.

Not sure if I will be posting again before we leave. Today I'll be busy cutting cake, playing Mario, etc.... and tomorrow I work. Then comes the craze of making sure everything I want to take is clean and laundered, packing, double checking my list(OMG! Must make a list!) and helping the kids pack their bags. So, yeah I might not be back. But I'll be sure to take lots of pics which I will post and/or flickr. That is if I can stop crying long enough. ;)

Happy Birthday Abby!

2007-05-31T08:39:00.000-03:00

Today is Abby's fifth birthday, so of course pancakes were in order this morning. I don't quite remember when or how this tradition began, but on every one's birthday we always have pancakes for breakfast. I baked her a cake last night after she went to bed and put up a few decorations. That way when she woke up this morning, she would feel it was her special day. Right now she is wearing a red sparkly dress and black dress shoes. We're not going anyway today, she just felt the need to dress for the occasion.

Our kids have recently been introduced to Mario, as in Luigi's brother. One of the items we snagged at our recent yard sale was an old Nintendo 64 game system complete with four controllers and a handful of games. One of which is Mario Party 3. Jason and I used to play games like these for hours on end. Entire weekends even. You could say we're both a little geeky. Anyway, as a special treat since there is no party today, the whole family is going to play Mario Party 3 together. The kids love playing it. It is not the regular Mario adventure game but more like a board game where you roll the dice and compete in little mini-games together. Good times!

The Big Number 5

2007-05-30T09:26:00.000-03:00

Tomorrow is Abby's 5th birthday. Hard to believe. I hate to type such an over-used line but.., time really does fly by. It's not that it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby, it's more that it seems like only yesterday she was 3. And now today is her last day of being 4. This just reminded me of a childhood memory. I am about to turn 10. We're down in the basement playing or doing something or other when Sherry turns to me and in an "impending doom" kind of voice says "Today is your last day of being 9. Tomorrow - double digits! You'll never be a single digit again!". It worked. Looking back it is so ridiculous to get depressed about turning 10! But yet I did. Kinda gives you a sad look into my psyche, doesn't it? It's like even at such a young age, I knew how fleeting life was. Or how being a kid is such an important time. Therapy anyone? lol. It's not Sherry's fault. When it comes to guilt or anything sentimental, I'm a very easy target. Who else could mourn being a single digit? lol.

......But I digress.

We've decided not to have a stereotypical birthday party for Abby on Thursday. She's not much for large groups of kids anyway. On Jules and Samuel's birthday, she hid the entire time in my bedroom. "Too many kids" she'd say. Instead we're going to celebrate her big number 5 in Moncton. We're going there this weekend for the JDRF walk. That way we can go swimming in the pool, get her an ice cream cake from DQ, and do who knows what else. Tomorrow I'm still going to make pancakes for breakfast(tradition on birthdays), bake her a cake and give her one present. But I've asked everyone else to save their presents to give to her on Saturday.

When Jules and Samuel turned 5, their last birthday before starting school, I had a big party at the bowling alley. I always swore that I would do something just as big for Abby's fifth. Unfortunately, the money just isn't there this time. Times have changed. It may sound bad, but by going to Moncton for her birthday(something we were going to do anyway) whatever we end up doing, I can tell her it is to celebrate her. Which let's face it, is not that far off. Sure it's not really just to celebrate her birthday, but the fact of the matter is, the reason we are going to Moncton is for her and her sister Jules. To raise funds and awareness for diabetic research and to expose them to more people their age who suffer from this disease. So, on Saturday, if she happens to go in the pool with her cousins - Happy Birthday! If we happen to go to the movies or to a mall - Happy Birthday! If we happen to eat out at a restaurant - Happy Birthday! What's the harm if it helps to make her feel that her birthday is special?

Because it is.

Happy Birthday Baby! Hope you have a great day!

My Moose....Part Two

2007-05-28T11:08:00.000-03:00

Last Tuesday, May 22nd, Abby and I had to run into town to pay some bills. It was a clear sunny day. On the way home, I was driving down the highway when something caught my eye. It was a moose. It was not on the highway, but rather down in the ditch. I slowed the car down and then finally came to a complete stop. Surprisingly there were no other cars on the highway at this time. I grabbed my cellphone to take a pic and rolled my window down. It stared right at me and took a couple of steps toward me. What a beautiful creature. I don't quite know what it is about them. Their size, maybe? Do they remind me of horses? I'm not sure why I love them so much but I just do. So there we are, just me, Abby asleep in the back of the van, and the moose...alone on the highway together. It felt very spiritual. I started talking to it when I noticed that some cars were coming. So I told it to be careful and not to get hit by a car....accelerated and drove away.

Cut to this morning. I was looking in my archives to see if I had blogged anything this time last year. I clicked on May, 2006. I only blogged twice that month. May 21st's title was Our Song, where I talk about mine and Jason's song. The title for May 25th? My Moose.

"...when suddenly a moose walks into my line of vision! It's just standing there on my front lawn. I stare at it for what seems like minutes, in shock of it's presence and in awe of it's majestic beauty........I don't know what it was. Maybe the mood I was in, or just being that close to a wild creature? But I felt like the moose came for me. Crazy I know. But it was like in a movie. Something magical about it. A connection."

Weird eh? I mean I know, living where we live, the chances of seeing a moose this time of year is rather high. But the odds that I would personally have a close encounter alone with a moose on almost the exact same day? Not so high, I think.

I'm starting to think that maybe the moose is my animal totem...or one of them.

An Animal Totem is an important symbolic object used by a person to get in touch with specific qualities found within an animal which the person needs, connects with, or feels a deep affinity toward. You can have several animal guides through out your life. Sometimes an animal guide will come into your life for a short period of time, and then be replaced by another depending on the journey or direction you are headed toward. Your guide will instruct and protect you as you learn how to navigate through your spiritual and physical life.

I've always thought that the spider was my totem. They were everywhere...and I mean everywhere. Everyday. Hanging from the ceiling, crawling on my shoulder, I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without spiders following me. Which was quite upsetting at times, considering I'm arachnophobic. A psychic once said that this was because I was a witch, lol, that's another story.

To the Native Americans, Spider is Grandmother, the link to the past and future. In India it's associated with Maya, the weaver of illusions. With its gentle strength, Spider spins together the threads of life with intricate webs. Spider knows that the past affects the future and vise verse. It calls us to make use of our creativity and weave our dreams into our destiny. For many Native Americans, "spider woman" stories are important creation mythologies. One of the common feature of those are wisdom symbolized with spiders' webs (for example, she taught the human how to weave). Also generally accepted are the ideas that her "thread" connects the human world and the world of spirits or the "above world" and the "below world". Spider Woman also weaves the "relationship" of the Web of Life and all beings.

But lately the spiders seem to have subsided. Maybe I need a moose totem in the spring?

Though moose appear awkward, they possess a gracefulness with which they move easily through deep snow and unstable terrain. Their excellent depth perception, and sense of hearing enable them to know when to camouflage themselves. This is an incredible feat since the adult male can stand 7 feet tall and weigh 1,200 pounds. These animals can be unpredictable by either running away when they see you, ignoring you, or mauling you. Moose calves are born with their eyes open, and those with this totem are usually born with their inner eyes open. Moose uncovers the depth of who you are and aligns you with your inherent wisdom. Moose teaches us to value ourselves and reward ourselves for a job well done.

Hmmmm. Something to think about I guess. For those of you who don't believe, please disregard. For those who do, you can check out http://www.animaltotem.com/find-your-totem.html.

No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends

2007-05-18T22:33:00.000-03:00

The above line is from one of my favorite movies, It's A Wonderful Life. Right now I am feeling a lot like George Bailey.....again. Late last Summer, in the midst of our chaos, the community blew me away with their support. And now they have done it again.

The Anglican Church Hall in Blackville is now filled to the brim with donations, not only from family members and friends, but from complete strangers as well. It is unbelievable! Our story was published in two local papers that came out this morning. Upon reading them, an older lady from our community, whom I've never met, called to offer us her winter coat. Another gentlemen called from Newcastle to offer donations. Several older ladies surprised me with baked goods to sell in the sell. One even said she made me something special that was just for us to eat at lunch tomorrow...not to sell. She had dropped off a few items for the sale and gave me a huge hug before leaving and promising to return tomorrow. I can't stop to think about it or I will start to cry.

I had a moment as I was locking up the hall to come home tonight. I was proud of myself. No, proud doesn't seem like the right word to use. It's hard to describe. It's like seeing my children's picture in the paper along with the story describing everything we went through. It's like I can feel several emotions at the same time. I'm sad, yet happy, yet nauseous, yet proud, yet inspired, yet.... Like I said, very hard to describe. lol I intend to take the camera tomorrow so I can post pics of just how much stuff is actually there. Some people snuck their way in tonight, while we were still setting up. Mostly family members. lol. But now I've already raised over $70 and the sale hasn't even started yet! Amazing!

Now I have to try and wind down enough to get some sleep. The whole family has to get up early tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy.....but oddly, it feels good.

Happy Mother's Day!

2007-05-13T09:13:00.000-03:00

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there. I was awaken at 6am this morning by three smiling children. One was carrying a tray that held a bowl of frosted flakes, a slice of toast with peanut butter, a juice box and a Mother's day card. lol. 6am!! I smiled and asked them what time it was. Then I explained how it was very sweet to do what they did, but Mom was also very tired and really wanted to get some more sleep and that they should probably go back to bed too.

Cut to 7:30am. I was awaken by three smiling children. One was carrying a tray that held a bowl of fruit loops, a slice of toast and peanut butter, an apple, a juice box and a Mother's day card. lol. I was very touched that were doing this but still a little disappointed that they had woke me up again. I remember doing it to my Mother when I was a child. How excited I was to be doing something for her. So I laid there for a little bit longer but thought I should get up before they decided to try cooking bacon on the stove. lol.

Hope everyone has a good day today, and that their children were as thoughtful as mine!

......only thing is now we are out of cereal. :(

You Are My Sunshine....

2007-05-10T08:27:00.000-03:00

Yesterday the weather was beautiful. It's about time! Abby and I sat out on the porch to watch the kids get on the bus and even that early in the morning, there was no chill in the air. Love it!

We put the tent trailer up, which is always exciting. But this year it was a bit more emotional. The last time it had been up was when Abby got diagnosed. We had been camping in Daigle and had to pack up quickly to get to the hospital. I'm usually really good with having it all clean and ready to set for the winter, but under the circumstances, I never got around to it. So when we walked into it, I was sad to see the condition it was in. Needless to say I have my work cut out for me. I think once I have it all clean, then I will be ok. It's so silly, but just knowing where that dirt came from bothers me. I'm suddenly taken back to that day. It is August 12th. Jason is gone to find a local drugstore to buy urine strips. We know we have to dip Abby's urine to see if there is any sugar in it. It is a gorgeous sunny morning. I sit on the picnic table and take pictures of the kids playing in the playground. I know. I don't want it to be true, but inside I know it is. I stare at Abby as she smiles at me and laughs. She has no idea.

Yes. I need to clean the trailer out. To wash away the past and start fresh. It will be a good summer this year. Full of camping trips and swimming pools and sunny days. Maybe we'll even make it to Fundy. I had all intention of cleaning it out today, since it is supposed to be nice again. But I just got called to go into work. So now it will be my project for the weekend, I guess.

The Year

2007-05-09T08:31:00.000-03:00

Update time.....

In regards to our upcoming sale, the ACW told me I could go up on Saturday, shortly before they closed and help myself to anything that was left over from their Rummage Sale. So Sherry and I filled my van with clothes - to the top! A lot of which is in excellent shape. Some still had tags left on them. Anything that had a stain on it or did not seem to be in good shape, we left behind. We had to rush around because I had to get back home in time to get interviewed.

Harold Adams had contacted me and was interested in doing a little story for the Route 8 news - the newsletter that comes with the sales flyers. I got home just in time to freshen up a bit and then he was here. The story is not that personal, strictly about the sale and the walk. Afterwards the whole family went outside and he took a few photos. He wished us luck and said he hoped the article would help our cause. I hope so too.

During the interview and then later, after he left, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions. In fact, I've really been all over the place emotionally for the last couple of weeks. I think it is the whole walk thing. And the fact that the first anniversary is fast approaching. I was sad that this event was necessary, but as we sat there on the porch smiling for his camera, I felt genuinely happy. And proud. This little idea I had, had actually grown into something that was being supported by so many people. In that moment, I felt like I was making a difference.

This past year, so much in my life has changed. We moved into our new home which pretty much has all new furnishings, we bought a newer van, my son got pre-diagnosed with asthma, my in-laws house burnt down and my husband lost his job of 11 years. The biggest change, of course, is my daughters' diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes, just three weeks apart.

With every loss experienced in life, I think getting through "the year" is crucial. The first Christmas, first birthday, first day of school, etc... As each special day passes, you prove to yourself that life does go on. That "You can do this". And while part of you does want to fast forward the year, to get all this "newness" over with. There is that other part of you, the one you try to bury or ignore, that secretly wants to hit pause or better still - rewind. And that is the part of myself that I've been battling these past few weeks.

On my front lawn, there are two maple trees, one larger than the other. This section of my yard (of my life) is one of the few things that has remained the same. Lately, I've found myself staring out the window at my large maple tree. This is the one that provides the most shade in the summertime. Memories flash through my mind of life BD - before diabetes. *flash* Jules and Samuel are 3 yrs old, Abby barely one. I've spread a quilt on the ground, in the shade and we're having a picnic.....of pizza. *flash* Jason and I are sitting in our newly purchased folding chairs. We're looking at brochures and planning our first family vacation to PEI *flash* I'm sitting in the shade watching the kids play. Mom walks over and surprises the kids with "red eye" cookies. She joins me and we sit together and watch the kids lick the jam out of the center first. When I see these images, I cry and long to go back. I'd give up the new house and the new van, anything to be that family again. The family that doesn't have diabetes in their lives. Right now I can still say "This time last year....". This time last year, they didn't have it. How can it be real when this time last year things were so different. It reminds me of that book which has recently been turned into a play - "The Year of Magical Thinking", where she cannot accept her husbands death. Somewhere deep inside of me, I must think that I can stop this from being true. As long as the past is not that far behind, we can still go back.

Obviously I know this isn't true. No intervention needed, I promise. On most days I can even see the good that has come out of this. I just need to go through the year.

The plane boss! The plane!

2007-05-08T08:56:00.000-03:00

A few nights ago I had a dream that I witnessed a plane crash, right from my own house.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

So yesterday afternoon, my girls were outside playing, my son was watching TMNT, and I was cooking supper and talking on the phone to Jason, who was on his way to work. All of a sudden I started hearing this noise, soft at first, then louder and louder. I looked to the television thinking, "What-the-hell are those Ninja Turtles doing?". Just then the noise got so loud I thought we were about to have an earthquake. I literally braced myself for the shaking. And that's when I saw it.

A plane.

I ran to the front window.

"Please don't crash, please don't crash.", I chanted, as I watched it disappear beneath the trees. I waited for it. The crashing noise, the explosion......

I raced out onto the porch.

And then another plane appeared.

And another.

My husband asked me yet again what was going on. He had asked several times but I hadn't answered him.

"I don't know", was my reply. I had no idea.

All I knew was that there were three planes circling our house. They were flying extremely low. And I mean extremely low. None had gone so low as that first one, though. I literally thought for a moment that maybe it had indeed crashed and these other planes were circling the crash site. Their huge shadows passed across our yard.

My daughters came running toward me. They were scared the planes were going to crash into our house. My son came outside. When he saw the planes, he pointed up and shouted, "It's Heroes of the Pacific!" - the name of a PS2 game about Pearl Harbor. lol.

Across the street my Mom, sister and her kids were also outside watching what now seemed like our very own air show. I grabbed the video camera and started taping so Jason could watch later. Just then a provincial forestry truck drove up the road with it's light flashing.

Forest fire.

I raced back into the house and put on some shoes. I shut off the burners on the stove, supper was just going to have to wait. I let Jason go, as he arrived at work. I know he hated missing all the action. When I went back outside I noticed that Abby didn't look so good, so I brought her back in the house to check her. Sure enough, she was low. I gave her a juice box and we ran over to my Mom's house.

My Mom and sister had also seen that first plane. And like me, they thought for sure it was going to crash into the river or into the camp in the Rapids. It was seriously that low. Our kids were no longer scared, and were waving at the planes who were still flying overhead.

Apparently there had been a forest fire of some kind down the road. I don't know how big it was because we never saw any smoke. But it was obviously out now, as the fire trucks went back up the road and the planes flew away.

And our suburban excitement was over.

Maybe tonight I'll dream that I won a million dollars :)

3 Years!

2007-05-03T14:50:00.000-03:00

I just realized that I've been blogging for three years now. Man how time goes by fast. It's crazy how so much of ones life is out there in cyberspace for the world to see. To think I used to consider myself shy! lol.

I took the kids to the doctor yesterday. Our doctor is such a sweetheart. He knew our medical benefits had run out so he gave us medicine samples from his closet. I didn't need A single prescription! We are so blessed to have him as our family doctor. He truly seems to care about his patients. The kids stayed home from school again today, which makes them have an extra, extra long weekend. They should be fine by Monday.....I hope.

In a walk update, I received a package from our support group in Moncton. Apparently there is going to be activities for the kids, a BBQ and live entertainment. June 3rd is fast approaching! The hall is officially booked for our yard sale. The date is set - May 19th. I've pretty much gone through everything of mine - clothes, toys, videos, CD's, etc.... Perfect opportunity to get rid of those Shania Twain CD's left over from when Jason was going through his country phase. Thank God that's over! lol. Now I just wait for the arrival of other people's things. I'm not going to bother pricing right now. I think I will wait til I am setting it up at the hall. Thinking that might be easier. Then I can separate into categories......shoes $1, etc..

I received an email yesterday, from a man wishing to interview me regarding the sale. I guess the word is really spreading. I sent a reply but so far no phone call. I still have to contact the paper and the radio station and make posters. I'm trying not to feel panicked and overwhelmed, but am failing miserably.

The church hall is having their rummage sale tomorrow. Always enjoyable. Last year I did amazing and scored tons of Christmas lights and boughs that really came in handy decorating the porch. Now I'm on the hunt for Summer decorations. And Lord knows I am not above buying used clothing for myself. Definitely need to find time to check it out.

And now I'm off to play more catch-up. Laundry, laundry, laundry.....it never goes away.

John Mayer

2007-05-02T09:01:00.001-03:00

I cannot say how much I love John Mayer. Love him, love him! Sorry Jason. ;) I've gotten a bit behind reading his blogs, so this morning I played catch up. On April 26th, he wrote a post entitled "(Not) Waiting on the World to Change".

A year ago this month I wrote a song called "Waiting on the World to Change", in which I tried to express the feelings of helplessness that come with knowing what needs to change in the world but also knowing the futility of trying.

Since that song has been released, there has been one social issue I've kept particularly focused on, silently keeping notes in my mind about what needs to be fixed (and more constructively, how to go about fixing it) while hoping that someone else sharing my exact views would carry out the work without my ever getting involved.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

How many times have you thought that? I know I have. Pretty much all of my life, actually. You see the problems in the world that you know need fixing but yet you don't want to have to actually do anything about it. That's someone else's job, right? Well,....not really.

It is possible for us change the world. And no, it doesn't involve running for office or having our own talk show on television. Each of us make choices everyday. Little decisions, that over time, impact the quality of our life and the lives of those around us. We choose to recycle or not to recycle. To smile at the check-out girl who's having a slow day, or sigh and roll your eyes her way. To complain constantly to anyone who will listen about the state of your school system, or join a parent's group where your thoughts and ideas can actually be heard.

At the risk of sounding preachy (too late!), most of us do not realize the impact we have on others or the world in general. We know there are problems, but we don't want to admit that any of it is our fault or that we have any power to help solve it. On the topic of global warming(yes I do believe it exists!), John Mayer suggests going "light green".

No thinking about "offsetting your carbon footprint". No rallies. No brow-beating people who think the Earth just has a fever. Pick one thing to change this year, and keep the rest of your life the same.

It's like changing the world one baby step at a time(sounds corny, I know). Instead of being overwhelmed while looking at the problem as a whole, pick one thing and say "I'm going to do this". "This is my contribution to the world this year". Before you know it, you'll have yourself a habit. Maybe it's that you will never again throw in the garbage, a bottle that can be recycled. Or you buy reusable grocery bags and use them every time when you go buy groceries. Whatever it is, it's only ONE thing. How hard can that be?

And that's my thought for the day.

If I Lay Here

2007-05-01T09:23:00.000-03:00

The brain is an amazing thing. Sometimes it can be too amazing. You want to hit the off button, but you can't. You don't have control of it like you think you should.

Does anyone?

It can forget the things we want to remember, and hang on the things we try desperately to forget.

It has the power to remind you of your past, which can be a good thing. It also has the power to think of your future. Which can be not so good.

********Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads***********

Good Day.....I said Good Day!

2007-04-27T09:20:00.000-03:00

My sister Sherry just came up with a great idea! What if we had my yard sale (which is to raise my for JDRF) inside a hall? Then it wouldn't matter what the weather was like, I could possibly have it all set up the night before and I would have tons of space that could hold any amount of donated things I receive from other people. How great would that be! The kids could still have their lemonade stand outside if they wanted, but if it rained it would be no biggie to set them up inside the hall. My Mom is going to make a phone call tonight to see if this is even possible. So cross your fingers people. This would really help me to slow down in the panicking department.

I finally dug out all of the kids summer clothes and packed away their winter things. What a chore! It drives me crazy twice a year. Seriously. I don't know if it has this affect on everyone else or if it's just a personal pet peeve of mine. But I'm glad it's over. My Mom surprised with three totes. This made me so happy in a Martha Stewart kind of way. lol. Now I have their clothes all sorted and labeled. Now maybe I won't get quite so crazy come Fall. ....Maybe.

Now it's on to mine and Jason's clothing. This is not such a chore since we don't really have any clothes. lol. It pretty much consists of packing away my sweaters and doing one load of laundry. I went through our clothes last night and was surprised to find a few things I could sell in the sale - almost a whole garbage bag! Awesome! Now I just have to go through the rest of the house and sort through the things I already found in the basement. I want to be all done with my things before I have to start sorting the things that other people give me. Then of course, there is the whole pricing issue. I'm going to need help with that one I think. Not that experienced in that area.

Oh well,....TGIF everybody! Now that my husband works Mon-Fri I can say that and really mean it!

Pissed!

2007-04-26T19:17:00.000-03:00

For the second time since last Summer, someone has insinuated that the reason our family is having "such a hard go" is because we do not attend church. ERGH!! I want to scream!! This pisses me off so much I could just spit. I mean seriously?

I defy anyone to question my spirituality. I have never been more spiritual in all of my life. And that includes when I used to go to church AND teach Sunday school! It just blows my mind,....these small minded people. Just because you don't do the traditional route of going to church, sending your kids to sunday school, etc... people - or should I say those people think that this means you don't believe in God or a higher power. And just what kind of God do they believe in anyway? A God that would punish me by giving two of my children Diabetes? Gee, that must be comforting.

Anyway, I don't mean to babble or go on and on about it. Like Cleanspirit says, it will just perpetuate the bad energy. But I just had to vent for a minute.

There. I'm done. lol.

The Walk For The Cure

2007-04-25T08:49:00.000-03:00

As anyone who actually reads my blog must already know, my family is participating in the Walk For The Cure For Juvenile Diabetes. It's on June 3rd in Moncton, to help raise money for JDRF or Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

Now we are in the business of asking people to pledge money or sponsor us in the walk. To help raise funds I've decided we're going to have a yard sale. I had already been putting a few things away in the corner of the basement, toying with the idea of having a yard sale. I've never done one before. Last year they had a day where they encouraged everyone along the road to have a sale on the same day. I thought I might join in this year. But now that we are doing the walk, I figured this might be a good way to raise a little money for the cause. I've set the date as Saturday, May 19th - rain or shine. Is 9am too late to start? I know that yard sales usually start at 8am, but I'm scared that we would never be ready in time, especially since the kids are participating. Thoughts anyone?

The kids are going to have a lemonade stand at the same time. I guess my cousin actually has a genuine lemonade stand, that she said my kids could borrow. I didn't even know they made such things. It has a chalk board to write their prices on and everything. They'll love it! Thanks Janice! The lemonade is not going to be real lemonade but Crystal Light Lemonade, since that is the kind my girls have to drink. I thought it might help remind people what the money was going to. They also might be selling Rice Krispie Treats or some other baked good. Anything to help add to the pot. lol.

So now I have to go through my house again and see if there is anything else I am willing to sell. A great opportunity to let go of more "stuff". I got rid of a lot during the move, but a little more couldn't hurt. Mom said she has some things over there and Kellie too. I even got a call from a lady from Renous who heard of the sale and wanted to donate her things. It sounded like she might have quite a bit. Kids clothes, etc... She said she was going to tell her whole family about it and see if any of them had things to donate as well. Wow! I feel a cross between total excitement and total panic. lol. Like I said, I've never had a yard sale before and I'm scared of not being prepared. What does one need? Tables, small bills, change, little stickers for pricing, grocery bags to put their purchases in, .... anything else? Anyone who has experience in this, ...if you see that I'm forgetting something obvious, or have an opinion on the time to start, please, PLEASE let me know.

Oh Happy Day!

2007-04-23T08:52:00.000-03:00

Something wonderful has happened. I've been meaning to blog about it but I've been too busy and quite frankly, too happy to take the time to write a post about it.

Jason got a job!

Today was his first day working in the Doaktown mill.

Woo-hoo!

He had responded to their want ad a month or so ago. Since then he has gone for testing, an interview and a pre-employment medical. And then Thursday, the very day that our medical benefits ran out, they called to ask him to start on Monday morning. Thank you God!

So in three months we should have medical benefits again. Plus they don't usually run their mill on the weekends, so that means Jason should have every weekend off! I think they usually work a week of days and a week of nights. Monday-Friday and Sunday night-Thursday night. But I think their night shift actually ends at something like 3am, so it's not even a full night. So in the summer when we want to go camping, we could still go if Jason was working nights. In fact it might even be better, because we could leave so much earlier on Friday. I think they even close for holidays, I'm not sure. If they did, they would be amazing! I definitely know they close down for Christmas. That was always a concern at Weyerhaeuser, the whole working Christmas thing. Jason had to do that one year and it really sucked.

This whole Monday to Friday mentality is new to us. He always worked 4 on/4off. We were lucky enough that he didn't have to work nights, just the odd time covering for someone. It was nice having him off some days during the week, for doctors appointments, etc... But it was also sucky that sometimes when everyone else was off (ie/ long weekends, holidays, etc.) that he had to go to work. I'm excited that now our whole family will be on the same schedule, since the kids are in school and when I work it's at the school. Weekends will mean so much more to us now.

Right now his job is on a "call-in" basis. But they told him that everyone else who is on call-in is working full time hours. So I pray that he can work full-time too. He is keeping his EI claim open just in case. That way if he only gets two days work one week, he may be able to get EI to cover the other three days.

I hope he is having a good first day. I know it is silly, but I miss him. He's been home since the middle of February, so we got used to having him here with us everyday.

Happy Anniversary To Us!

2007-04-14T09:41:00.000-03:00

Today Jason and I have been together for 17 years! That's right...17! And yes, I am only 32 years old. Jason too. I was in grade 9. Him in grade 10. And no!...this is not a shame! Tonight we are actually going to go the movies alone. Sans children. Imagine! That is, assuming the weather cooperates.

I wanted to do a meme for this occasion. This is the only one I could find. It's more for a wedding anniversary, but here it is anyway.

1. Where/How did you meet? We were in high school together, so everyone pretty much knew who everyone else was. But the first time I actually met him, I think, was the summer of grade 8. 1989. Wow! Sherry, Michelle D. and I walked to Blackville. We were all at the rocks together during the Ron Pauley tournament. At that time, Jason did not seem interested in me at all. :(
2. How long have you known each other? probably 17 1/2 years.
3. How long after you met did you start dating? 6-10 months after we actually spoke. lol It was Saturday, April 14th, 1990.
4. How long did you date before you got engaged? Geez. Like 7 1/2 years!
5. How long was your engagement? We were never formally engaged, per say. No big proposal or ring.(I never wanted one) We always knew we would get married. Just a matter of time. And one Christmas, Jason just said, we should get married next December. Let's do it. So I guess you could say we were engaged for 1 year.
6. How long have you been married? 8 1/2 years
7. What is your anniversary? December 12th, 1998
8. How many people came to your wedding reception? Hmmm. Don't really recall. I know that we had quite a lot of people invited. Both of our families are big. But there were a lot of empty seats too. I'm gonna say 80?
9. What kind of cake did you serve? It was marble cake with that rolled out white icing. I remember that our cake topper, which was just plain matte white(no color), looked like it was made out of the icing. It matched perfectly.
10. Where was your wedding? We got married in St. Andrews Anglican Church in Newcastle. That cute little one across from the Opera House. Our reception was at the Kins Center or the old town hall around the square.
11. What did you serve for your meal? Turkey. What else? lol.
12. How many people were in your bridal party? Just two. A maid of honor and a best man. I always liked the idea of this. It seemed more old fashioned that way.
13. Are you still friends with them all? Yep. Christina was my maid of honor. She is my first cousin. We talk several times a week. Vance was Jason's best man. Also his first cousin. Don't see him quite as often as the old days, but just spoke with him yesterday.
14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony? Not at all. We were all smiles. And giggles. lol
15. Most special moment of your wedding day? Hmmm. That's a hard one. They're all special to me. Maybe the ceremony itself? Rings, vows, etc...
16. Any funny moments? Nothing stands out as a crazy memory. Maybe me constantly reminding Gary, our chauffeur for the night, to toot the horn, while we were driving around with the tin cans kicking behind us. Or running into the Nite Owl to show the girls my dress. Or in the limo, Vance revealed to us that he had his middle name written on his palm to remember how it was spelled for the wedding register.
17. Any big disasters? Nothing much. I didn't get to decorate the church myself because we missed the allotted time that the church was open. So Gary put up our pew markers. I had quickly made little reserved signs just using bristle board and black marker. They were supposed to just sit on the seat to reserve them for our parents. It seems like Gary actually taped them on the outside of the pew with the nice pew marker. lol. Plus Jason's car did break down that morning. Surprise, surprise. He had to work on it all day but he still got to the church on time. So not really what I would call a disaster.
18. Where did you go on your honeymoon? Moncton. Woo-hoo!
19. How long were you gone? I think it was just two nights. Honeymoon suite, Crystal Palace. Heart-shaped tub and all.
20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change? I don't know that I would change anything. If possible I might have gotten my hair done by someone else. Not that I didn't like it. It's just my hairdresser at the time was going to Fredericton that day so I had to get my hair done quite early in the morning. I was so tired from decorating that I would have slept in but couldn't. Felt very tired at the reception.
21. What side of the bed do you sleep on? If you were lying on the bed, I'm on the left side with Jason to my right.
22. What size is your bed? Finally we have a queen!!
23. Greatest strength as a couple? I think that we do well in the communication area. We seem to talk things out and not let them fester too much. We also respect each other which I think is necessary in a healthy relationship. And we know how to fight. lol. Not that we do it alot or anything. But everyone fights and when we do, there is that line that we just won't cross.
24. Greatest challenge as a couple? Last Summer? lol. I'd say parenting in general. Trying to balance the parent stuff without losing the couple stuff.
25. Who literally pays the bills? I'd have to say mostly Jason. Not that I don't do it too but because he worked in town, where the bills are paid, he would just pay them on his way home. lol. Plus he's a human calculator while I'm the type that has to write everything down.
26. What is your song? Depeche Mode's - Somebody. Sounds crazy, I know. For like 14 years, we didn't even know who sung that song. It was on a blank tape in one of Jason's old cars, when we were teenagers. His brother had bought a car from someone and that tape was in it when he bought it. We used to listen to it all the time. And it wasn't until I had a computer that I googled the lyrics and discovered it was Depeche Mode.
27. What did you dance your first dance to? As Time Goes By. This is from the my favorite movie Casablanca, which Jason and I have watched a zillion times. We probably would have danced to Somebody, but at the time we didn't know who sung it. lol.
28. Describe your wedding dress: Very titanic. Empire waisted. It originally had these long lacy sleeves, but they were not me at all, so I got them cut off and replaced with little cap sleeves. Thank you Sandy!
29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding? These tiny white ones surround by lots of greenery. For the life of me, I can't remember the name which is really bugging me right now. It's on the tip or my tongue. May come to me later.
30. Are your wedding bands engraved? Nope. Although we used to talk about secretly putting something really originally on them. Where the other person doesn't know what they say until after the ceremony. But it never happened.

This is what my hubby made this morning. Yummy! Isn't he just the sweetest? lol.

You gotta love those days when is life is good. And today is one of those days!

Shuffle up and deal

2007-04-05T09:43:00.000-03:00

No school today. Cancelled. We're supposedly going to get some snow but so far.......notta. Preschool was cancelled too. Abby was going today because tomorrow is Good Friday. So now we are all home together for five days. Pretty cool. This should give us some time to catch up on some much needed sleep. Things always seem better after a good night's rest.

Tuesday, Jason, Abby and I went to town. Jason's income tax cheque finally came, so we could finally pay Mom back the money we had borrowed to buy the van. Plus we also paid off the table and chairs. So now they're officially ours. One down.......

Tuesday night was our PSSC meeting. After that we ran into the Irving to get a coffee and rented a movie. The Holiday is absolutely wonderful. I loved, loved it! I love Nancy Myer movies! I laughed. I cried. I loved it! Did I mention that I loved it? Definitely one to own. Can't say it enough.

Tomorrow night is poker night here. Nothing says Good Friday like playing poker. Not sure yet who is all coming. Nothing big. Pretty much just family. But hey, if you're interested.......drop in.

Ta Da!

2007-03-28T08:21:00.000-03:00

Ok. So anyone who has been in my house knows that there was one little spot left that still needed to be painted. I cannot stand white walls, or ceilings for that matter. What's worse is that this was just primer paint, so it marked something awful. Enough was enough. We got busy!

And now what used to look like this.......

......Now looks like this!

Plus, my hubby is so inventive, ambitious and I'll say it - a tad bit crazy - that he couldn't stop there. He set to work.........

building a contraption............

..........that helped him do this!

Ta da! Pretty awesome huh? It's amazing what a coat of paint can do. The pics really don't do it justice. It's like the house is new all over again. Jason is very proud of himself. Now I want to just keep going. I want to stain the basement stairs, buy and hang shelves, hang more pictures, buy a bulletin board, get a wall sconce, and hey! while we're at it, why not just finish the whole basement?!

What's that you say?

Oh yeah........that's right......we have no money to do all of that.

Too bad. Something to look forward to , I guess.

But for now, I'm just going sit here and breathe in that wonderful smell of fresh paint. Not too deeply, of course.

Hmmmm...

I am starting to get a headache.

At Last

2007-03-27T13:32:00.000-03:00

Today Jason and I decided to do some things that we've been talking about doing for quite awhile. Jason took a huge pile of recycling to the bin in Blackville and we bagged all of our bottles and placed them in the back of the van. So the next time we go to town there will be no excuses.

When we got married, my Aunt gave us a "Keenan" sign that she had painted herself. It's one of those "established 1998" ones - the year we were married. I used to have it hanging in the kitchen, behind the door, when we lived in the trailer. I would dream of the day I could hang it on my house outside........and today was the day! I cannot say how excited I was!

Also, two years ago, I bought an Anne of Green Gables wind chime at Avonlea Village in PEI. It is one of my favorite places in the world. I never hung it. Never really took it out of the box. I was saving it. I told myself that I would not hang it until I could hang it off the eave of my porch. There were times when I thought I would never get the chance. But today I did it. I could have cried. I seriously cannot say how special this was for me. I hung outside my bedroom window so I could go and look out at it and remember. Remember how blessed I am to have this house. Remind myself of how I feel when I am on the island. But most importantly, to remind myself that dreams do come true, if you believe long enough.

It's funny how something so small, like the act of hanging a wind chime, can lift your spirit. Feed your soul. Simply bring you happiness.

The Mother Of All Blog Posts

2007-03-26T08:36:00.000-03:00

So much has happened in the last while, I don't quite know where to start. Maybe I'll do the whole chronological thing. That seems to be the easiest way. Ok. Here go.

Friday, March 16th - I worked at the school from 8:30am - 3:00pm. I was covering for Linda. Actually had to serve for the first time. Which means that I was the one you remember in the cafeteria who would ask you what you wanted, put the food on the plate, and hand it to you. I was a little nervous, especially with high school kids and the teachers. It was just hard to judge at first, how much to give everyone. I was scared of running out of things. But over all, I actually didn't mind it at all. I think I might even like it once I got used to doing it all the time.

When I got home from work, Jason told me about a van that was for sale in Moncton. He had been talking to the guy on the phone a couple of times and was convinced that this could be the van for us. So being the spontaneous people that we are, we booked a room at the Beacon Light, packed our bags and headed to Moncton with the kids. There was a winter storm warning so we thought it best to stay the night then to try to drive back home again.

The van is a 1998 Pontiac Montana. It's in great shape. We took it for a test drive and told the man that we did indeed want to buy it. Yippee! We finally found our van.

The room we got at the Beacon Light was amazing. It was $95/night. It was in the new building that has the pool in it. It had a bedroom with two double beds in it and it's own television. Then there was a kitchen/living room that had a large flat screen television, table and chairs, a sofa bed, a new regular sized fridge and stove and microwave, 4-slice toaster and coffee maker. Plus the cupboards were filled with dishes, silverware, pots and pans, dish towels, etc... It reminded me of a cottage. They just simply requested that you wash your dishes before leaving. I thought it was a pretty amazing motel room for only $95/night. The kids did too.

Saturday, March 18th - We woke up Saturday morning to messy roads and freezing rain. Decided that since we were spending less on a van than we thought, that hey! might as well stay another night in Monkey town. Only problem was that the room we were staying in was already booked. So we had to switch to a smaller room, but no big. Took the kids to the mall and let them pick out one toy at Toys R Us. I got myself a new purse and a pair of jeans at Value Village. Ate supper at Heinz restaurant. Very good food.

Sunday, March 19th - Checked out of motel and headed for home. It was sunny, very nice for driving. Looked like Spring, especially close to Moncton where they have absolutely NO SNOW! (pigs!) When we were driving past a house in Chelmsford, I remembered how it had almost burned down once. (here's where you won't believe me) It had extensive damage inside. I remember them having trouble getting the smell out. So then, my mind started drifting and thinking of other houses I knew that had caught fire. Marilyn and Norman's house did. Lyle's. Bliss and Marilyn's almost did. I remember Valerie and Leslie's almost did during the great forest fire. Of course, these thoughts were only going on in my head. I almost mentioned it out loud to Jason, but didn't. Then we arrive home.

We're backing into my driveway, when my cell phone rings. It's Mom. Jason says something like, "Geez, they didn't wait long to call", considering we are literally just getting home. I answer and then Mom says. "Did anybody get a hold of you?". My stomach turns. This never seems to be a good way to start a conversation. Then she says "I don't know how you're going to tell Jason...". Again. Not good. Jason actually hears Mom say this line and assumes his father has died. I see a look on his face that sadly I know I will see again someday. "Margaret and Gerdie's house burnt down this morning." Oh my God! Jason looks at me asking what happened to his Dad. The kids start asking questions. I put on a sing song voice and tell the kids they are going over to visit with Grammy. We drop the kids off. I tell Jason. He is shocked but relieved that everyone is ok.

We drive up there to see how his parents are doing. They are, of course, in shock. It took no time at all for their home to go from this...............to this.

We get them to spend the night at our house. We give them our bed, put Samuel in with the girls and Jason and I take Samuel's bed. Jason makes jokes about sleeping with Star Wars characters...again. His parents are doing ok. They have literally lost everything, but are ok. No body gets any sleep.

Monday, March 19th - We get up earlier than normal. The kids are excited to have Nanny and Grandad here for a sleepover. I had told them about the house yesterday afternoon. They took the news ok as soon as they found out that everyone was alright. Samuel seems to be the one who takes it the hardest. He always does. He's the sentimental one. Like me. We get Jules and Samuel off to school. Then the rest of us head for town and then Moncton, again. The insurance company had cut them a cheque so they could go and buy some clothes and the essentials. We also needed to pick up our van and get the registration changed over, etc.. We part ways in the afternoon and drive our new van home. Very nice, but too tired to care right now.

I get home just in time to change my clothes and go to our annual PSSC dinner in town. Sherry picks me up. Jason is on the committee this year too, but for obvious reasons, does not attend. It is held at the Kins Centre around the square. I have not been there since my wedding reception. Food is actually good this year. So much better than last year. Best salad ever! While I was gone, Jason had taken the kids up to see the rubble. I was kinda upset that he did this at first, especially since I wasn't there with them. But Jules and Abby seem to be ok. They are sad for them but excited too for them to get a new home. Samuel of course, cries a lot. We decide to let them take the day off from school tomorrow. Margaret and Gerdie have now moved into an apartment in the basement of his brother's house. This is where they will stay until they move back home. Jason goes and helps them move their new things into their new place of residence.

Tuesday, March 20th - We get to sleep in a little since the kids are taking the day off. We catch up on some much needed laundry and then take the kids up to see where they are staying. It's small but very nice. Margaret says it is all she would ever need.

Wednesday, March 21st - Kids return to school, much to their dismay. We travel to town to pay some bills and check out some used mini-homes that are for sale. We look at three. The first one is quite seedy, second one needs work, but the third one is awesome! Perhaps a little pricey, but awesome just the same.

Thursday, March 22nd - Today is the Teddy Bear's Picnic at school. This is where all the kids who are going to start kindergarten in the Fall, go and are pretty much tested to see where they stand academically. Kinda nerve wracking for me, but Abby thoroughly enjoyed herself. She got to go on the bus for the first time. Jason hung out in the gym where Abby was, just for diabetic reasons. I went upstairs with the other parents to listen to some speakers. The first one was the district health nurse. She, of course, talked about healthy eating habits for our children. Then came up the subject of diabetes. How type 2 can now be found in children as young as 9 years old. She went on and on. How when you have diabetes, amputation is your future. Amputation! How ours will be the first generation to have the parents outlive their children. I felt myself sinking lower and lower in my chair. I could feel the pity from the other parents who knew that my child had diabetes. Sure they have type 1. It was not poor lifestyle choices that gave them diabetes, but still.....they have it just the same. After this lovely experience, I was cheered up by the fact that Abby had such a good time. A little birdie whispered in my ear that she did a great job. No problems at all. Way to go Abby! It was time for her to eat, so we took her up to the cafeteria to see Grammy. The three of us grabbed a table. I got a few glances from students who were probably seeing me for the first time without my apron on. Abby was excited to see Grace. Since September she has been saying that she didn't want to go to the big school, just Clora's preschool. But while she was sitting in the cafeteria, she asked if she could start going there every day.

That night, I sat down to watch my favorite show Grey's Anatomy". And sure enough, one storyline was about diabetes. A workaholic man had neglected to come in about his foot and ended up having to get it amputated. Seriously. Son of a bitch! Needless to say, watching this and hearing the health nurse's voice in my head, I started to literally have a panic attack on the couch. And I do mean literally. Jason said that I couldn't worry about when the kids are grown. That it was too far in the future. I shot back that sorry, worrying about it was something that I definitely could do. Sometimes it's the only thing.

Friday, March 23rd - Back to work at the school. This time just my regular 8:30am-1:30pm shift. Still recovering from last night's anxiety. But good news! Doaktown mill is hiring. Upon seeing this in the paper, Jason immediately emailed them his resume. Here's hoping he gets hired on. Fingers crossed. Toes too. Ended up having a pretty relaxing evening. Jason down in the basement playing PlayStation with the kids. Me sitting at counter doing cross stitching and listening to Billie Holiday. All is well in my world again.

Saturday, March 24th - Totally caught up on housework. Long time coming. Margaret and Gerdie brought KFC for supper. They were in town looking at another mini-home. This one looks promising. After supper, Jason, kids and I hop in the van to go to town for a drive. It is our first experience having a CD player in our car.(I know!) Awesome! I burned a CD with all the songs that the kids love to listen to. Here is the song list.

*Note: Not really kids music at all. :)

Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
Real Gone - Sheryl Crowe
Route 66 - John Mayer
Life Could be a Dream - The Chords
The Sweetest Escape - Gwen Stefani
Wind it Up - Gwen Stefani
Sexyback - Justin Timberlake
Hung-Up - Madonna
Sorry - Madonna
Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi
Jackson - Reese Witherspoon & Joaquin's Phoenix
Butterfly - Crazytown
100 years - Five for Fighting
I'm Alive - Celine Dion
Part of Your World - Little Mermaid Soundtrack
Look Through My Eyes - Phil Collins
Follow Her Around - Jimmy Rankin
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
I Want to Hold Your Hand - The Beatles

Jason's parents had given us some money to buy the kids something for Easter. I chose to buy them new sneakers because they could really use a pair. So they each got to pick a pair out. Plus they each had saved some change and got to spend it at the Dollarstore. God Bless the Dollarstore!

Sunday, March 25th - Jules woke us up for first time to tell us she was feeling "low". Checked Abby and she was low too. Couldn't have had enough carbs at bedtime lunch. Today was Christina's son Patrick's birthday. She was having a little get-together. Took kids. They had a great time. Talked to Trish. Hadn't seen her in awhile. Things are going very well between her and her boyfriend. Do I hear wedding bells? Just kidding Trish. :) Samuel finished reading his school book. At the end the dog died. Very sad. Lovely.

Monday, March 26th - Kids off to school again. I took the van and went to town to get some groceries. Damn I love that van! Pretty freaking awesome! I also did the whole Easter thing. This year it seems to be a bit more challenging finding things that the Easter Bunny can leave in plastic eggs hidden around the house. Felt like I didn't get the kids enough. I feel like this every year. Here, the Easter Bunny always does them up a basket filled with things from the Dollarstore. And he hides eggs. That's it. I mean he's not freaking Santa Claus! Must ignore stories of what he brings other children.

And that brings us to today. Jason is gone off to wash the van and dump off a massive load of recycling. It was seriously getting out of hand in the basement. Wow! I don't think I have written such a long blog post - ever! It took me two drafts to do it, .........but there it is.

And I Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night...

2007-03-15T08:50:00.000-03:00

Yesterday I was so excited to go to the car auction in Moncton. Mom knocked off work early and came to babysit the kids. We left here shortly after 2pm. The auction didn't start until 6pm, so we had plenty of time to drive to Moncton, register for bidding and give each of the the vans there a thorough once-over before the bidding actually began. I had been concerned about the weather, considering the whole thing takes place outside. I didn't want to freeze to death. But yesterday turned out to be really quite warm, so aside from all the giant puddles, that wasn't a problem.

The problem was that all the vans up for sale were basically a pile of junk. They either had a gazillion miles on them, were leaking fluid of some sort, smoked when you revved them or their transmission was going. And they were fairly new vehicles . I mean 00's, 02's and even an 04'. It was quite disappointing. Ugh! My patience is wearing thin. Our problem was always that we could not afford a van. And now that we actually have the money to buy one, we can't find any. Very frustrating.

Changing the subject,........Monday night it was my turn to check the girls at 3am. In case I have failed to mention it here, we are still checking their blood sugar at least once a night, if not twice. Anyway, I had my alarm set for 3am, but because I was too tired/lazy, I didn't get up to check them until 4am. Abby was 13, so I knew she would be more than fine for the rest of the night. Jules, however, was 5.9. This is where it gets tricky. She could maintain a 5 until she gets up in the morning, like she has in the past. Or she could go low, in which case she would need some juice to bring her up. I decided to let her be and went back to sleep. Then I had a dream........

Jason and I were hosting some kind of party. At first it seemed like our wedding reception but then it switched to being a house warming. Anyway, pretty much everyone we have ever encountered in our lives was at this party. It was an ordinary dream.....and then it turned. It got dark and nightmarish. All of a sudden there were some not-so-nice people there. I knew they had done horrible things to others and now their sights were on me. Switch to I'm over at Mom's house. The kids are supposed to be getting off the bus soon....but no bus...no kids. Then I can hear Samuel screaming for me. He's crying hysterically, but I can't see him anywhere....can just hear him screaming, calling for me. Then some sort of vehicle passes slowly by and they have Jules with them. I lock eyes with her, as she passes the house. My hands are pressed against the window. She looks so scared and is also crying hysterically. There is someone in the house now. I know they have my kids..............And then I wake up.

I awoke with a jerk, my heart in my throat. It felt so real - that panic. But then I started telling myself that it was just a dream, to relax and go back to sleep. My eyelids were very heavy. I was so tired, it would take only half a minute for me to be sound asleep again. But then I remembered Jules. My thoughts argued back and forth. I should go check her. No, you're sooo tired, go to sleep. No, she could be low. Just make yourself get up. And then I remembered the last time I had a nightmare concerning my children.

We were living over at Grammy's house. I had awoke in the night feeling that same panic that I had just felt. The need to check on them was overwhelming. So I went and looked in on them. They were sound asleep. I thought since I was already up I might as well check the girls sugars. Jules was fine but Abby's sugar was quite low. I remember thinking "What if I hadn't woke up?".

This memory made me get up. I looked at the clock. It was 6am. I got the meter and lancet ready, walked into Jules' room, sat on her bed and checked her blood sugar. Something in me knew what it was going to say. The meter beeped. I looked down and sure enough it read 3.7. Jules was low and would need to drink some juice to bring her level up. As I walked out of her room, to go and pour her some juice, I looked upward and said out loud, "Thank you God!". I know that it was him who woke me up. I think I was having a perfectly normal dream and then God switched it to scare me and wake me up. In my dream I could hear Samuel crying but it was Jules' face that I saw, nobody else. I don't think it is a coincidence that the last two times I had a nightmare concerning the well being of my children, I woke up feeling the need to check them and thus discovered that they are low. It's things like these that let me know there is some one out there looking out for us.

The Amazing Race

2007-03-12T10:06:00.000-03:00

Rob and Amber came in last on The Amazing Race last night. Too bad. I'm going to miss them. They were doing so well, I thought they would be in the final for sure. I was so hoping that Phil was going to say it was a non-elimination round. It makes me not want to watch anymore. I mean I will watch, but it's just not going to be as entertaining for me. Yes they lied, but come on! It's a race people! I actually wanted Charla and Mirna to go. That Mirna just grates on my nerves. I don't know how Charla stands it. Now I guess I'll have to root for Team Guido or Uchenna and Joyce. So far I don't mind Danny & Bill or Teri & Ian either. The teams I would hate to see win (other than Charla and Mirna) are Eric & Danielle and the beauty queens Dustin & Kandice.

It's just doesn't seem an all-stars without Rob & Amber.

***Insert sobs here. **** (sniffle)

You Are What You Do

2007-03-11T10:07:00.000-03:00

I watched The Matador last night. Somehow I managed to miss this movie entirely. I mean I don't remember any previews or anything. I popped it into the DVD player without even reading the back of the jacket. So I had absolutely no idea what it was about. I loved it!! I mean I really loved it!! I literally laughed so hard I cried. It stars Pierce Brosnan & Greg Kinnear. Pierce is amazing! His best role I've ever seen. If it wasn't for Joaquin Phoenix being nominated in the same category(Best Musical or Comedy - Joaquin won for Walk The Line), he totally would have won a Golden Globe for this performance. He's really that good.

So the time has changed. I completely forgot. I always do. Mom called me yesterday to remind me. She always does. And then last night I went to bed without changing the clocks and woke up this morning thinking I had gotten up quite early, only to realize that it was actually 8:20am, not 7:20am. Oh well. Part of me loves this whole idea of making the switch early, while the other part would have liked to leave it the way it was. That way we're all that much closer to Spring when it happens and the snow actually stands a chance of melting. Right now we're just getting more sun in the evening to stare at the snow, and wish it to be gone already. But I guess the snow will be gone soon enough.

A friend gave me a link to a website where you can have your tarot card reading done online. I did it this morning and it was really quite interesting. I am apparently The Magician - "possessing unusual magical powers that has the ability to bring you anything that your heart desires. You only have to wish for something and it is right there in front of you." Cool! I'll take that. There were also some details in there that were literally spot on. Very funny.

Who Says You Can't Home?

2007-03-10T11:45:00.000-04:00

Last night I met my brother's new girlfriend. She seems really nice. They are both here visiting for the weekend. I'm very happy for him to have found someone. He is beyond proud. He told the kids her name and then said,"Do you know who she is to me? She's my girlfriend". The kids were like "OK then". It's hard to get a desired reaction from a 7 year old. Jules pulled me aside, giggled a little and whispered, "Is Lee in love with her?". I smiled and told her I didn't know.....one can only assume.

After they left, Jason and I finally watched "Little Miss Sunshine", which along with numerous other DVDs, I borrowed from Kellie many weeks ago. I loved it! That girl totally deserved her nomination. The crying scene on the bed where she's worried about being a loser......amazing! I was on the verge of tears at the end, when her family got up on stage dancing with her. I just hate how society is. I'm scared for my children, especially my two daughters. Simply because I am a girl and I know how hard it can be. I'm trying so hard to raise them not to mold themselves into what other people say they should be. We don't use the word "fat" in our house, unless it's in reference to saturated or trans. We never speak of dieting but rather eating healthy. Exercise is never connected with losing weight but rather a part of living a healthy life. But you can only control so much. I can't control what they hear at school from other kids, or from certain family members.(believe me, I try!) All I can do is try my best. In the end it's going to be up to them alone, their own personal journey. I hate it...it scares me.....but that's just the way it is.

The Search Continues

2007-03-09T09:21:00.000-04:00

The trip to Moncton went well, but still no van. There were a ton for sale....just not in our price range. A little bit discouraging, but now it's off to the auction! Or rather on Wednesday, we'll be off to the auction. I'm excited, actually, to go. We went to the one in Fredericton last year, on the hunt for a little beater, for Jason to drive to work. We had nearly no funds at the time, and thus did not purchase anything. There were a lot of vans at that one. I remember walking around, looking at them, sitting in them, wishing that one day we could buy such a vehicle. And now, we can! Or at least I hope too. It should be quite cool going to an auction this time - with money! Now all we need is the right van to bid on....and no one to out bid us. So stay home people!!

Road Trip

2007-03-06T11:55:00.000-04:00

We're off to Moncton to look for vans......Kids too.....Just decided....Hey we're nothing if not spontaneous......Borrowing Jason's parent's car for the trip.....Gotta go...Wish us luck!

Snow Patrol

2007-03-05T09:33:00.000-04:00

Friday night, the snow came again. So we awoke Saturday morning to the bright sight of freshly fallen snow against a clear blue sky. The kids loved it......well, except Abby. She is done with Winter, or more specifically - Winter attire. She can not stand to wear ski pants or winter coats any more. She keeps asking when Spring is coming and when the snow will be gone. I think she is under the impression that she will just wake up one morning and all the snow will have disappeared. Every year we have the tradition of making a snow family. And even though we have gotten quite a bit of snow this year, it was never really that packy, until now. Samuel opted to stay in and play Playstation(as Saturday is game day), while Jules and Jason went out and got busy.

And...voila! A snow family is born.

Nobody gets left out, not even Benjamin.

Later on, in the afternoon, we went for a drive to visit our old friends....Jake and Jenny. I think they missed us, as much as we missed them. They ran over to see us as soon as we called out their names. Although, I think they were a bit disappointed that we didn't bring them anything to eat. Did I mention that they're horses? That Jake is so jealous. He was nipping and shoving at Jenny quite aggressively, trying to run her off so he could get all the attention. Preston called him an abusive husband. Poor Jenny. We ended up going into Preston's house and staying for an impromptu visit. The kids love it there.

Yesterday morning Samuel and Jules went out early, right after breakfast, to play in the snow. It was another beautiful morning. Jason was in the bathroom and I was still in bed. Jason was nice enough to let me sleep in. Anyway, all of a sudden, I hear Samuel come busting into the house, yelling that Jules was stuck. Apparently her feet were stuck in the snow and she couldn't get free. Jason opened the bathroom window and was singing out to her. She had gone exploring on the other side of the baby barn, where the old van is parked. The snow there really is quite deep. So I got up and dressed and went out to find her. And there she was....stuck in the snow. Kinda funny really. I thought later that I should have took her picture first, before freeing her...but that would have been seen as cruel. Right? I freed only one leg and made her dig out the other one, just to show her that she could do it. Who knows? Digging one's self out of the snow might be a skill that could come in handy......again.

But Damn, I wish I had taken that picture.

In Like A Lamb

2007-03-01T08:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went to town for a drive in search of a van. This year we did unbelievably well in the income tax department. One of the unfortunate perks, I guess, to having two children with diabetes, is that you can claim ALOT on your taxes. Anyways, we are now in the market to buy a new minivan. Well, not brand new, but relatively new. I'm aiming for a 2000. Or maybe even a 2001! How cool would that be? So far no luck in the local area, so we are broadening our scopes. Jason has a few leads he's checking into. One that looks really promising is in Nova Scotia. So you never know, there might be a road trip in our future!

I work today for Stacy from 11-3pm. I'm really hoping that somehow I can get on full time as soon as next year. It's the perfect job for me right now. There are so many pros. I'm in the building in case someone has a question about treating the girls, the kids and I love seeing each other at lunch time, I'm in close contact with their teachers, no need for babysitters, weekends off, storm days off, summers off, etc.... The only con is that I don't earn much money. But right now, the list of pros totally outweigh the cons. Plus minimum wage is going up again. One can only hope they keep upping it.

It's Winter Carnival week at school. It's so bizarre to observe, now that I'm older. Monday was time warp day for high school. Some were dressed like the 50's/60's, some like the 70's.... and then there were those that were dressed like the 80's. What was so funny, was that it was hard to tell who was participating and who wasn't because so much of that stuff is back. I mean you walk into Stitches now and it's just full of bright yellows and greens, those long shirts and my God! - I almost died when I seen the big bulky bracelets in every color! Time Warp, indeed. They had a dancing competition during lunch in the cafeteria. So sad. One class danced to Thriller by Micheal Jackson. I had to suppress the urge to go up there and show them how it's done. Hmm... that would have left an impression to a bunch of teenagers - the cafeteria lady doing the moon walk.

An Attempt At Blogging

2007-02-28T08:27:00.000-04:00

I want to blog...really, I do. But for some reason I'm not. I'm choosing not to find the time to sit down and do it. But yet I can find the time to read everyone else's. Interesting.

So, the Oscars have come and gone for another year. I gotta say, this year it seemed like they would never leave. Ugh! I feel sorry for Ellen Degeneres. She dreams of hosting the Oscars and then that's the year they change format and it all goes to pot. I haven't read any reviews but I hope she doesn't get blamed for the whole thing. I saw her in an interview with Oprah, and she said she was waiting backstage for something crazy to happen so she could come out and comment about it..... but nothing happened. Ain't that the truth. Nothing until 1am when the big awards finally came. Sadly by then, I wasn't so excited to see Scorsese win. I was just so tired.

Yesterday we drove up to Doaktown so Jason could put his name in the mill up there. It was a nice day for a drive. Very Springy. Jules was home from school again. I kept her home just to make sure she could go the day without getting a temperature. Her and Abby played in the car all the way there and all the way back. The road is very hilly and twisty on the way to Doaktown. They were hanging on and pretending they were on a roller coaster. I remember doing that when I was their age. The girls' sugars were both getting low, so we decided to eat in at Burkes 2. The place was pretty much empty except for us. It proved to be a nice way to pass the day.

I've been getting some extra hours at the school lately. Last week, I covered for Mom on Tuesday and then worked til 3pm on Friday(I usually only work Fridays 8:30am til 1:30pm). And this week I work Monday, Thursday and Friday til 3pm. An extra day here, an extra hour there.... every little bit helps.

Well I mustn't procrastinate any longer....... to the laundry room I go.

The Show Must Go On

2007-02-20T08:52:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, I sat here typing a post announcing that I was cancelling my annual Oscar party. I had decided on Sunday that it was best just to skip it this year. It wasn't that I was overly depressed or anything so dramatic. I just found I wasn't as into it this year, as I usually am. Normally, I start planning this event, weeks or even months, in advance. eg: new fun ways of decorating, invitations, food, etc... After all, it is the event of the season. :)

As I finished writing the post, I found myself feeling sad and disappointed. I have always loved the Oscars. I'm a huge movie buff and especially love that old Hollywood feeling that you get with the Academy Awards. The red carpet, the dresses, the surprised acceptance speeches....love it, love it, love it. I would print out a copy of all the nominees (before I had a computer, I would use a pull-out from US magazine) and try to predict who would win each award. Usually I would get half right. It was fun, the idea of being an amateur and trying to guess who would win for "Best Sound Mixing". And thus my idea of hosting my own Oscar party was born. I started saying how one day I would host an Oscar party - a night where all of our friends would come dressed in formal attire(as if we were actually attending the awards), fill out our own ballots and watch the Academy Awards together. Some day... I would say. I was waiting for us to have a house, a bigger and nicer space to hold such an event. But two years ago, I grew tired of waiting. Even though we still lived in our old mobile home trailer, I decided that life was too short and hosted our First Annual Oscar Party. I swore to myself that I would host it every year, without fail.

So, to cut to the chase, I never published yesterday's post. I changed my mind. How could I not have it? So what if it's been a hard year? So what if we have no money? Life is too short. The show must go on....

Sell Crazy Somewhere Else....

2007-01-30T09:16:00.000-04:00

.........We're all stocked up here.

Ain't that the truth.

Something is surely going on in the universe lately, because everyone I know (and I mean everyone) is going through some form of shit. (We're being shit on, I tell ya! Shit on!) It's really quite bizarre. I guess misery does love company.

Jobs lost. Benefits lost. Hope lost.
Health in jeopardy. Relationship in jeopardy. Sanity in jeopardy.
Vehicles broken. Hearts broken. Apartments broken into.
The list goes on......

The lines, "It could be worse." and "You can't look too far ahead." are said repeatedly. Sadly, I'm not even talking about MY problems. But aren't we sick of hearing about those? I know I am.

Today?

Today is a good day.
The sky is blue.
The tank is clean.
And we live on.

Happy Birthday Jules and Samuel!

2007-01-05T10:19:00.000-04:00

Today my babies turn 7! That's right...They are now seven years old. Hard to believe. They are their own little person now, with their own views and opinions and personality. They are having their first birthday party today where they invited kids from school. 17 kids to be exact. Should be interesting. Could never have that many kids when we lived in the trailer. Just another bonus of living in a house.

Happy Birthday Guys! Hope today is all that you want it to be.

Tag. You're It!

2006-12-20T08:45:00.000-04:00

What was your favorite movie in 2006?
Probably Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest. It was a funny entertaining movie that doesn't make you think. Plus it stars Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom! Who wouldn't love it?

What was your favorite book in 2006?
I am ashamed to say that I didn't really read much this year. Certainly not anything that was "new". I want to read Teri Hatcher's book Burnt Toast, simply because I think I'll be able to relate to it a lot. The book I did read this year that really got to me was What Remains by Carole Radziwill.

Are you richer or poorer?
financially poorer
emotionally richer

Thinner or fatter?
pretty much the same as last year

What kept you sane this past year?
Who said I was sane?

Which personal accomplishment in 2006 are you most pleased with?
Finally getting our new home.
And, personally, that my nightmare came true (twice) and I'm still here.

What resolutions have you made for '07?
I'm not big on the whole resolutions thing. I think that most people just say things this time of year and then forget them in the new year. Having said that, .....I guess it's to be calm.

Which bad habit are you most motivated to break?
Probably to kick the Pepsi habit (again). It seems to be back for a visit.

Which do you expect to keep?
Probably all of them. LOL

What are you most looking forward to in 2007?
Spending our first Summer in our new home.

I'll Be Home For Christmas

2006-12-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

Jason spent last night having a drink and playing cards in the old trailer.

His brother Rodney and his family is home for the holidays. They surprised everyone and landed home on Saturday night - a week early. Rodney's father-in-law is the man who bought our trailer. So..... last night Jason found himself playing poker in our old home. Weird. Very weird.

I think of the trailer often. Yesterday was the first time I drove by since it was taken away. It just doesn't seem right that someone else is living in it. Yet I'm glad that it has life again and is not just sitting vacant in our yard. But last night, I was almost jealous that they were getting to live in it and we weren't. How crazy am I? I've finally gotten the new home that I have always dreamed of, and what am I doing? But getting lonesome for my old one. Crazy. It's just that so much happened there. So many memories.

What I don't miss at all is the frosted up windows, the draft, the thin walls, the oil bill in the winter time, the kids crammed in tiny rooms, etc... It still amazes me that our windows remain crystal clear. Having a basement is pretty freaking awesome. And I'm still waiting to discover that I have no room. No, having a house sure beats living in a mobile home. For sure.

But sometimes I still miss it, crazy as that sounds.

The Happy Elf

2006-12-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

Jules made her stage debut last night. The whole family went to see her sing at the school. Just Mom and I are going tonight. I think she's totally bitten by the acting bug. Or..... let's face it- she's been into the arts since she was born! She said that she wants to join drama every year. I think she's anxious to get a speaking role, which they didn't give to the grade ones.

Jules was an elf. I put sparkles on her cheeks, which I don't think you can really tell in this picture. Her hat came complete with elf ears.

And here she is pretending to be working on a toy in Santa's workshop. She came up with this idea, and didn't want to leave until we took it.

A picture of the whole cast. As you can see, it consisted of many elves and mice.

This weekend was also the Santa Clause Parade in Blackville. Some of you may recognize this elf and her Jack-In-The-Box friend.

On Sunday was Jason's work family Christmas party. It was at Empire Theatres. We left a little early because I needed to run into the dollar store to buy a couple of things. It was one of those days where you can look back and say "Man, that was a great day!". The kids(or me either for that matter) had never really been in the mall since it was decorated for Christmas. And since we were just running into the dollarstore, we didn't have that stressed feeling that you can sometimes get in a mall during the holidays. We walked in the Bargain Giant entrance, which I haven't done in years, and walked up through the whole mall. There's like new stores there! Who knew? Anyway, the Christmas music was playing and the kids were looking around at all the decorations, when who did we see?.......but the big man himself. He was posing for pictures in the center of the mall. And as luck would have it, there was no line! So Samuel and Jules sat on his knee and got their picture taken. Abby, opted not to again this year. She's still wary of him. The other two, however, were giving him hugs and everything. It was to the point where I wanted to say, "Ok kids. Get away from the strange man!". But I resisted.

Then it was off to the theatre. The way it worked was that you simply went up to the concession stand and told them you were with the company party. The kids each got a kids combo and Jason and I both got nachos. Free of charge! All we had to pay for was a pop for Jason and me. You didn't need tickets or anything, they just pointed us toward where Happy Feet was playing. We treated the girls combos as supper and just gave them insulin in their arm during the movie. It was nice that it didn't really have to disrupt their fun much. The only thing we did was give them crystal light instead of Kool-Aid or one of the other juices. One less thing to try to count carb-wise.

The movie was wonderful. I definitely recommend going to see it. It was quite different than any other kids movie I've seen. After the movie was over, we all filed out of the theatre. And standing outside the theatre entrances? Mr. C. again! This time he was giving out treat bags that contained a bag of chips, some candy(damn!) and $5 worth of movie money. Not a bad party at all!

On the way home we listened to 103.9FM. For those of you who don't know, they are playing continuous Christmas music. We looked at everyone's lights. At one point I looked back at Abby, who was sitting in the middle. We were at a stop light, it combined with the lit up houses, had her face completely aglow with color. And on her face was the biggest smile you would ever see. It was one of those smiles where you mouth is still completely shut, showing no teeth. She looked so content, like all was well with her world. Like she couldn't have been happier.

And neither could I.

The Latest Meme

2006-11-29T09:31:00.000-04:00

This is my reply to the latest meme. You google the top 100 songs for the year you graduated high school. I didn't cross off any because alot of them I couldn't remember what they were and the ones I did know didn't bother me so much. The ones bolded are the songs I remember really liking.

1993

1. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
2. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
3. Can't Help Falling In Love, UB40
4. That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
5. Freak, Silk
6. Weak, SWV
7. If I Ever Fall In Love, Shai
8. Dreamlover, Mariah Carey
9. Rump Shaker, Wreckx-N-Effect
10. Informer, Snow
11. Nuthin' But A "G" Thang, Dr. Dre
12. In The Still Of The Nite, Boyz II Men
13. Don't Walk Away, Jade
14. Knockin' Da Boots, H-Town
15. Lately, Jodeci
16. Dazzey Duks, Duice
17. Show Me Love, Robin S.
18. A Whole New World, Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle
19. If, Janet Jackson
20. I'm So Into You, SWV
21. Love Is, Vanessa Willlams and Brian Mcknight
22. Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
23. I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me), Expose
24. Ditty, Paperboy
25. Rhythm Is A Dancer, Snap
26. The River Of Dreams, Billy Joel
27. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), Proclaimers
28. Two Princes, Spin Doctors
29. Right Here (Human Nature)-Downtown, SWV
30. I Have Nothing, Whitney Houston
31. Mr. Wendal, Arrested Development
32. Have I Told You Lately, Rod Stewart
33. Saving Forever For You, Shanice
34. Ordinary World, Duran Duran
35. If I Had No Loot, Tony! Toni! Tone!
36. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
37. Slam, Onyx
38. Looking Through Patient Eyes, P.M. Dawn
39. I'm Every Woman, Whitney Houston
40. Baby I'm Yours, Shai
41. Come Undone, Duran Duran
42. I Don't Wanna Fight, Tina Turner
43. I'd Die Without You, P.M. Dawn
44. Whoot, There It Is, 95 South
45. Hip Hop Hooray, Naughty By Nature
46. Another Sad Love Song, Toni Braxton
47. Will You Be There, Michael Jackson
48. Comforter, Shil
49. Good Enough, Bobby Brown
50. What's Up, 4 Non Blondes
51. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
52. 7, Prince and The New Power Generation
53. Dre Day, Dr. Dre
54. One Last Cry, Brian McKnight
55. Just Kickin' It, Xscape
56. I Get Around, 2Pac
57. Bed Of Roses, Bon Jovi
58. Real Love, Mary J. Blige
59. Here We Go Again!, Portrait
60. Cryin', Aerosmith
61. Cats In The Cradle, Ugly Kid Joe
62. What About Your Friends, TLC
63. I Got A Man, Positive K
64. Hey Mr. D.J., Zhane
65. Insane In The Brain, Cypress Hill
66. Deeper And Deeper, Madonna
67. Rain, Madonna
68. The Right Kind Of Love, Jeremy Jordan
69. Bad Boys, Inner Circle
70. That's What Love Can Do, Boy Krazy
71. Do You Believe In Us, Jon Secada
72. Angel, Jon Secada
73. Forever In Love, Kenny G
74. Again, Janet Jackson
75. Boom! Shake The Room, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince
76. When She Cries, Restless Heart
77. Sweat (A La La La La Long), Inner Circle
78. It Was A Good Day, Ice Cube
79. More And More, Captain Hollywood Project
80. How Do You Talk To An Angel, Heights
81. Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat), Digable Planets
82. What Is Love, Haddaway
83. To Love Somebody, Michael Bolton
84. Give It Up, Turn It Loose, En Vogue
85. Alright, Kris Kross
86. Check Yo Self, Ice Cube
87. Fields Of Gold, Sting
88. Ooh Child, Dino
89. Faithful w/ Go West
90. Reason To Believe, Rod Stewart
91. Break It Down Again, Tears For Fears
92. Nothin' My Love Can't Fix, Joey Lawrence
93. Three Little Pigs, Green Jelly
94. Livin' On The Edge, Aerosmith
95. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
96. If I Ever Lose My Faith In You, Sting
97. Anniversary, Tony! Toni! Tone!
98. One Woman, Jade
99. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Taylor Dayne
100. Two Steps Behind, Def Leppard

Surprise! An Update.

2006-11-27T09:14:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I am taking Abby to get her pictures done at Wal-Mart. It might be sad to say, but I don't have a professional one of her all by herself. I always give pics in Christmas cards. Last year we actually got a family photo done. This year I am using Jules and Samuel's school pics, so tomorrow is Abby's turn to strike a pose.

Jason and I are going to Moncton on Thursday. The Parent Support Group there is having their annual wine and cheese. Attending will be various professionals including a representative from the JDRF(Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation). It doesn't start until 7pm. I hate the idea of driving home late at night, but am really anxious to hear what everyone has to say. So what do you do? Mom has agreed to keep the kids. We'll have to get up with the kids the next day, plus I work, so chances are I'll be pretty tired come Friday night.

Sunday is the Underhill Christmas party. We're not going this year. Jason's work is having their family Christmas party at the same time. And while I know family gatherings should outrank company parties..... this one is at Empire Theatres. The kids get to see the movie Happy Feet, get a kids snack combo and a present from Santa. Our kids have been asking to go see this movie and frankly this is the only way we can afford to take them, considering it is all on the company dime. We will be dropping in just long enough to drop off our presents. I wish we could do both, but there's just not enough time.

Tuesday, December 5th, Jules will make her performance debut on the stage. She is in drama this year. She doesn't have a speaking part, just singing, as all the speaking parts went to the grade twos. She was quite disappointed about this, but there is always next year. They perform two nights, Tuesday and Wednesday. I have to bake two dozen sweets by Monday. I guess they serve them to the audience. Our whole family is going on Tuesday and then just me and Mom on Wednesday.

Saturday, December 9th, is the dinner theatre in Blackville. Mom is keeping the kids so that Jason and I can go. Then her, Kellie, and all of Sherry's clan is going to the dessert theatre on Sunday night. Should be good. Christina makes her debut there. She will be joined by her husband, Sherry and the rest of the regular cast members. I think she is a little nervous as she is not just acting but singing as well. I bet she does a fantastic job!

I'm almost done decorating the house for Christmas. Quite surreal to decorate an actual house, and not a trailer. We have eaves and window sills! Decorating the porch was definitely a moment to remember. I have dreamed of doing that for many years. And hanging a wreath on my front door. Priceless. Just a few more things to hang plus the tree. I actually want an artificial tree this year. Me! Like a lot! I never thought I would. I swore I never could. I love the hunt for the perfect tree. I always hug it and thank it for being our Christmas tree this year. I love the smell that fills the house. But Jason, Samuel, Benjamin(the cat) and I suspect Abby - are all allergic! Plus there's the whole mess thing and watering thing. And with an artificial one you can put it up so much sooner. It's more cost effective(in the long run), and better for the environment. Although I don't think they will chop down any less trees simply because I opted for artificial. There is a 9' tree at Kents that I really want, but it is $200, and there is just no way we can manage to spend that on a tree this year. So I think this year I will have my official last real Christmas tree. Kinda sad really. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind.

I'm Scared

2006-10-19T09:16:00.000-03:00

Ok. If you go to www.phobia-fear-release.com and click on the Phobia Top Ten button in the index, you will see that it lists the top 10 phobias. And I just realized that I either currently have or have experienced in the past, literally ALL of them.

I am severely f*#ked up! It's not an act people.

I Got The Power!!

2006-10-18T09:43:00.000-03:00

And God said "Let there be light... and there was".

We have power! Last night we got to flick the switch for the first time and see our house all lit up. Well, actually it was only the back half lit up...but still....it was pretty awesome! The electrician just has to come now and connect the front half to the back half, or something like that. Anyway, I got to see my kitchen, bathroom and Samuel's room lit up at night. How cool was it to stand outside at night and see Jason and the kids standing in our kitchen? Pretty dam cool, I'll tell ya.

Also they added on the roof for our porch and shingled the whole thing. Now we are finally starting to get a feel for what it will look like when it is all completed. I took my camera over last night to get a pic, but was so excited about power that I forgot, until it was too dark to get a good shot. Next time.

I feel like there is so much to talk about but I don't have time to elaborate on anything. Taking all the kids to town today to go the doctor and get groceries, and I have SO much to do before I can leave. (shower, bath Abby, laundry, make grocery list, email nurse, etc...)

Here is a quick list of tidbits:

Received an invitation in the mail for a Halloween Party @ Crystal Palace this Sunday. It is for children with diabetes and their families.
Also got link to best diabetic website ever!
Ordered Christmas presents for the kids. Jules is getting a wicked doll house. I'm more excited than her!
Got invited to a Parent Support Group meeting in Douglastown.
Bought ALL the paint for my house!
Bought curtain rods, bath mat, kids Halloween costumes, etc..
Experiencing wicked stomach spasms on and off. WTF?
Meeting with nurse on Monday to discuss pump for Jules.
Had horrible day in town with kids on Thursday(**must make myself elaborate later**) which ended with us buying our new bed and a new bedroom set!
Had mental breakdown on weekend after dropping Samuel off to spend the night

And, that's all the time we have for today.

Who Am I?

2006-10-12T08:47:00.000-03:00

Yet another thing that proves, you can't believe everything you read on the internet! How they can go from a pic of me(first thing in the morning, no less!) to these beauties, I'll never understand.

Mother of the year

2006-10-11T09:32:00.000-03:00

Ok. So today I did the unspeakable......I dropped my kids off at school wearing, you guessed it, my pajamas. That's right. I've become that Mom. Gone are the dreams I had of being the modern Mom, or the cool Mom or at least the pretty Mom. Nope. I'm the Mom who drops you off in the morning (and actually gets out of the car!) while wearing her pj's. What's next? Hair rollers? Slippers?

And this morning, in another proud parent moment, I realized that in the craze of newly diagnosed diabetes and getting a new house, that I completely forgot about Halloween! Or more importantly, the fact that my kids will want to wear a costume. So this morning, I asked them what they wanted to be this year. Abby, luckily, is just going to wear Jules' Snow White costume from last year. Jules, however, has informed me that she wants to be princess Leia. And Samuel, of course, thinks it would be appropiate if he went as Luke Skywalker - you know, to go with the whole fraternal twin thing. Ugh!

For the last, I'd say, 3 years I have been trying to convince Jules to go as Leia. And every year she would change her mind come September and opt to be a princess. But this year, of all years, she decides to do it. I mean what are the chances of myself finding a Princess Leia or Luke Skywalker costume this late in the game? Not that I could afford them anyway. So now I must brainstorm on how to create one on my own. I'm going to have to hit the second-hand stores. Surely this route will be cheaper, right?

Obviously we'll be opting to go with the white clad Leia from the original Star Wars and not the slave girl bikini from Return of the Jedi. I mean, she is only six. I'm not sure how to do the hair thingy. I'm thinking ear muffs with twisted brown yarn attached somehow? If I could get some kind of over sized shirt to use for Luke, that would be great. Samuel of course, already has his light saber, so hopefully he will come along quite easily. Jules is going to be much harder to please.

Any Star Wars fans out there have any advice?

A Teaser

2006-10-05T21:00:00.000-03:00

This is it

2006-10-04T15:43:00.000-03:00

Tomorrow, sometime between 12pm and 1pm, our new house will arrive at it's final destination.

I can't quite believe it. It doesn't seem real.

I literally dreamt of this day my whole life. As a girl I always remember loving houses, noticing little details that I probably shouldn't have for my age. I've spent countless hours (years) decorating every room in my head. Of course, my taste has changed over the years. I would have never built this house ten years ago, or even five years ago.

After what happened this summer, with Jules and Abby getting diagnosed, I thought I would never get excited about houses again. I couldn't. I felt like that part of me, who took such pleasure in colors, fabric, paint, furniture - had died. It wasn't that I thought I shouldn't think about such things anymore, it was that I really couldn't care less. Details like that didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. Of course, like most things, it has gotten better with time. We are slowly finding ourselves again.

So this Sunday, I found myself all alone in town shopping. A rarity, to say the least. Jason was working and Mom had offered to keep the kids. I was shopping for groceries and a few things for the house. Curtains mainly. I enjoyed this profusely, finding the perfect match to compliment my bedroom decor. My cell phone rings and it is Jason. "Why don't you go and get that chair", he says. I had seen one in the sales flyer the day before. It is a tub chair, just like I had always wanted. It is even a chocolate brown color, which will match my living room. "Yeah right", I say. I think he is teasing me like he has a tendency to do. But he is serious. I cannot say how excited I was! I believe I made quite the spectacle of myself, sitting in it, testing it out, there in the aisle of Wal-Mart. It is just soo cute. I was happy, obviously to be buying this piece of furniture, but even more, I was happy that it made me happy. That I could feel such pure joy again over such a tiny detail.

We all know that such things - material possessions - don't really matter in life. But sometimes, on a sunny Sunday afternoon, they can still bring you joy.

Have you ever.....(yep. another meme)

2006-10-04T08:43:00.001-03:00

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
09. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

51 things...how about you?

Good night, Johnboy

2006-09-28T10:39:00.000-03:00

Since our hopes of being into our new house for Thanksgiving have been dashed(our house isn't even arriving now until the 5th), it's been decided that we will host an old fashioned family Thanksgiving here. Everyone seems really excited to have it here in the old homestead. Mom and Dad, Lee, Sherry and her family, and even Kellie will be joining us. Mom has suggested that we invite Jason's parents as well, so we will definitely have a house full for dinner. I hope my turkey is big enough. I'm glad we will have at least one vegetarian in attendance. :)

I'm obviously in charge of the turkey(scary, I know) and potatoes, Sherry's bringing vegetables and rolls, and Mom is making dressing and dessert. I'd also like to see about adding a salad to the menu this year. Perhaps I can talk the vegetarian into taking this one on? lol.

Rather than just eat and run, the plan is to make a day(and night) out of it. This has caused me to move our dinner from Sunday to Saturday, because Jason works on Thanksgiving Monday. Everyone is going to arrive sometime in the early afternoon and hang out and hopefully help me in the kitchen while the kids play upstairs or outside. Then after we're all stuffed with supper, we're supposed to sit down with a drink and play a game of Texas Hold'em and anything else that we can think of at the time. Sherry and her family are even going to spend the night here. Mom and Dad have declined such an invitation and are opting to go home. Haven't talked to Lee about this yet, but I did put out the invite to Kellie and I think she said yes. Kellie? We certainly have the room here. The sofa in the livingroom folds out into a bed and there are two spare twin beds downstairs and one spare double bed upstairs.

So, as I said before, it's going to be an "old fashioned" family Thanksgiving. The Waltons come to mind. Jason said at night we'll be saying...."Goodnight Gary, Goodnight Anna, Goodnight Paulina" etc... Maybe we can even do a breakfast of some sort the next morning. I nominate going for Take-out. Costly but less mess.

It's been disappointing having the house be delayed week after week. But next week, our house will come on Thursday and then on Saturday we'll be hosting Thanksgiving. And because everyone is spending the night, having a drink, playing games, etc.... it's kinda like we're having a little celebration. It has been quite the year for us, to say the least, but we still have so much to be thankful for. It's nice that we are all going to be together to acknowledge that this year. I think Grammy and Grandad would really enjoy seeing us all together like this, in their home. Preston is over the moon. I hope that it surprises us all and everyone actually ends up having a really good time, because as everyone knows, with family, there are no guarantees. :)

I Wanna Say "I Give Up!"

2006-09-25T09:18:00.000-03:00

The house is not coming until NEXT Thursday.

As in October 5th.

As in a whole month later than expected.

I want to kick and scream and cry and hit something or someone. I do. I really do.

I want to bitch and moan and say I shouldn't be surprised. That even though everyone else I know of who got a pre-fab house, got it a week early, WE would have to get ours a month late.

I want to scream out to the universe "Why does everything have to be SO hard for us? Haven't we had enough already?"

............... But I can't.

Damnit!

In a twisted way it almost sucks that I know how blessed we are. But I do know it. It would almost be easier if I could just sit and mope and dwell and be one of those people that "know" that their life is so much harder than anyone else's. I think that some people actually find comfort in doing that. It makes them feel good to feel bad.

This summer there were times when I was scared I was going to be one of those people. That misery would bring me joy because it was the only thing you could count on, that made sense. But feeling bad didn't make me feel good. It just made me feel bad. And I got tired of it. I didn't want to feel bad anymore. So I forced myself to open my eyes and see just how great we still have it. And once I did that, there was no going back.

Sure, I still get upset over things that don't really matter. Hey - I'm still human. But I can't stay upset for too long. Not really. Kinda sucks, actually.

It's just that once you've been through the fire, it's hard to get upset over a spark.

So, as much as I want to throw up my hands and curse....... because we have to wait yet another week before we set our eyes upon our new home..... Because our move home is pushed back another week....... Because we miss home so much it hurts and can't feel like we're on the right path until we're there again.

..... I can't.

Because I know that we're blessed. Blessed to still have each other - our family. And blessed to be getting a new home at all, ..... even if it is a little late.

Progress Report

2006-09-21T08:24:00.000-03:00

Man do I have a headache right now.....slept in today, mad dash to get the kids off to school. Gotta love these mornings.

Jules and Samuel are buying their lunch today for the first time this year. Talked to Mom and straightened out all the carb issues. Should be fine.

Contractor called and they are coming to pour the basement floor. Finally. The weather hasn't been co-operating much lately. Then the house will be allowed to come. They don't work weekends, so next week will finally be the week when we finally get to see our new home. Did I say finally?

Tomorrow I go back to work for the first time this school year. Here's hoping I can remember how much a big cookie cost. :)

Jason's back with coffee from the Irving...and advil. Gotta run.

Who let the dogs out?

2006-09-20T09:36:00.000-03:00

Two weeks ago while I was driving the kids to school, two dogs were playing on the side of the road. At one point they came out onto the road and I had to brake sharply causing my tires to squeal lightly. The dogs saw me, looked scared and ran away from the road.

Ok. So I was driving the kids to school today, like I do every morning. I came around a turn to see a black dog lying there on the side of the road. As soon as he saw me he got up and started to slowly walk into the road. I thought he was going to chase me like a lot of dogs do. Jason always preaches to me that when a dog is chasing you, don't swerve, just keep on going and you will not hit them. But this dog didn't go to chase me, he just kept walking slowly toward the center of the road. I braked slightly at first but ended up having to slam on the brakes. My tires squealed and I could smell burnt rubber. Even then, it seemed like I had almost hit him with the corner of the van(If the bumper didn't actually touch him, it was a miracle). I pulled over and looked at him and he seemed to be fine.

He looked at me as if to say"Hey! You almost hit me! Watch where you're going!".

And I was like, "Hey! Do you have a death wish or something?". I swear the dog was trying to commit suicide.

The kids were like "Cool Mom. You just burnt rubber!".

I started to drive again when I noticed the brake line was lit up and there was an exclamation point. (!) Seriously? When there is an exclamation point lit up on the dash of your car, that can't be good. Then I put my foot on the brake and it went straight to the floor. Nope, definitely not good. I managed to get the kids to school, but then was scared to leave because of the big freaking hill that it's on. I didn't dare try driving down that with Abby in the back seat, when I wasn't sure how much or if any brakes that I had.

Forgetting it was down day, I tried calling Jason at work, but of course he wasn't there. On down day he isn't in his usual spot, they can put him anywhere in the mill. So I called Mom and of course, Dad was already gone to work. So I had no choice but to call Jason's father, who of course, had just recently thrown his back out. He drove up to the school to check things out. Turns out I busted a brake line. Of course I did. He drove my van home while Abby and I followed in his car. When we were almost home, yet another dog ran out and started to chase me. Following Jason's advice, I held my breath and zoomed past him.

What is with the freaking dogs in the rapids? I swear they are going to give me a heart attack. I mean who wants to hit a dog? Not me. Especially not when the kids are in the van with me. It could totally be a dog that belongs to one of their friends at school. That would be a nice racket.

Anyway, so now here I sit, without a working vehicle, hoping that today isn't the day I get a call from the school asking me to come and pick up my child. Of course that's not going to happen.....right?

Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip

2006-09-19T10:26:00.000-03:00

I stayed up much too late last night just so that I could watch this show. Awesome! I really think it will do well. Aaron Sorkin is always good at writing and the cast is amazing. Definitely will be adding this to my regular viewing list. Welcome back Matthew Perry! I can't wait until I'm home with a satellite again. Maybe then I won't have to stay up so late to catch it. Surely it must be offered at an earlier time by a Canadian station.

I also watched the new comedy The Class. Not quite sure about the future of this one. Seemed funny enough, but with these networks, you just never know. I really enjoyed Out of Practice with Stockard Channing and The Fonz, and they cancelled it. So I guess we'll see. I do enjoy The New Adventures of Old Christine. Not sure if it's the actual show or just that I love Julia Louis-Dreyfus so much. I unfortunately missed the premiere of The Amazing Race the other night. Oh well, still lots of time to catch up.

I'm hoping that I didn't miss the new Gilmore Girls. Anyone? I think this might be it's last year. The others I'm anxiously awaiting are Grey's Anatomy, LOST and ER. I didn't usually watch ER, as it usually depresses me, but I caught the season finale and now have been sucked in. The OC? I'm actually growing apathetic to it. I really don't care that they killed off Marissa, as she was annoying the hell of me anyway. The only reason I watched is for Seth and Summer. I don't think it starts until October.

Oh well, we're off for a drive to check on the progress of the basement. They came yesterday and backfilled it. You can really see now what it is going to look like. Very cool and weird at the same time. Now all they have to do is the floor. Unfortunately it's rainy today, so chances are we won't see anyone around today. It looks like the house will not be coming until next week. I had a dream last night that they brought the wrong house. Horrible. Man, this waiting thing sucks.

Mission Possible

2006-09-18T18:11:00.000-03:00

This is an alert to let you know that your Member of Parliament is back in Ottawa today for the Fall session. Please take the time to take part in the Mission Possible Writing Campaign 2006, and have your voice heard in this new government!
Our mission is to secure a commitment from the federal government for $25 million per year for the next five years in research dollars targeted specifically for juvenile (Type 1) diabetes research.
We are asking you, our JDRF Supporter, to send the letters below to your M.P. requesting them to send a letter to the Prime Minister, the Health Minister and the Finance Minister in support of our request.

ENGLISH - Click here to download a template letter to your M.P. and the letter to the Prime Minister, and Ministers of Health and Finance.

FRENCH - Click here to download a template letter to your M.P. and the letter to the Prime Minister, and Ministers of Health and Finance.

To find your M.P. go to the Parliamentary website at http://www.parl.gc.ca/ and type in your postal code.

There is no postage required to send a letter to your M.P.
Please let JDRF Head Office know if you have taken part in this campaign - now is the time to stand up and be heard! We encourage you to spread the word about this campaign by directing your family and friends to our website at www.jdrf.ca.

Together we can expand the awareness of Type 1 diabetes and ultimately find a cure!

And so it begins...

2006-09-18T09:25:00.000-03:00

Samuel is sick today. No school for him. It never ceases to amaze me how quick they start getting sick after school starts. Sherry's little Anna was sick last week. Coincidently she just started daycare. If you really sat down and thought about all those kids and their germs, you'd end up like Howard Hughes. Q-U-A-R.....

Last week Preston got the kids to go over to his house to get some pics taken. I never showed them before so here they are.

Sunday morning, rain is falling..

2006-09-17T10:03:00.000-03:00

Well actually it's not raining. I just like that song. :)

I sent off my first email to a fellow family with diabetes. I hate to admit it, but it does help knowing there are other people out there going through the same thing. There's even some who have two children diagnosed. I subscribed to their email listing and now I'm just constantly receiving posts from other parents. They're discussing everything from pumps to pets with diabetes. It's very informative and I know I'll really be interested when we get a pump.

I really cannot wait til we are back home again. Living here, in Grammy's old house, has been great. Therapeutic even. But it's not home. I find I've really been letting things go here. Like our healthy eating habits. I don't know if it's just living here or if it's caused by this summer's events. Lord knows I've been known to eat while I'm stressed. Jason and I both fell off the wagon big time and drank a lot of Pepsi. I even started craving it again. So we've had to kick the habit again and start anew.

I really want to start fresh and I think moving into our new house is just the springboard we need to do that. So much has changed in our lives. We can't go back to the way it was. So I've decided we have no choice but to embrace it and move on. To somehow turn it around and make it a good thing. Somehow. This spring we will be going to Moncton to participate in the Walk For A Cure. It would be great if I wasn't huffing and puffing the whole time. So as soon as I get home, I'm really going to try to get on Mom's treadmill again. My goal is to get one of our own. I had been thinking of joining the local gym here, but right now we so cannot afford it. We are supposed to gather up a group or team of runners/walkers for the walk. Usually it's family members and close friends, so anyone who wants to join us is more than welcome. I think it doesn't happen until May or June, so you have plenty of time to think about it.

Get Ready For A Wicked Long Post

2006-09-16T09:29:00.000-03:00

So many things to talk about. So many pictures to show. Ok. On your mark.....get set.....go!

The basement is now done, except for the floor.

They are supposed to have that done by Tuesday. They really want the floor done before they order the house to come. Right now it looks like it will come the end of this week or the first of next.

When Stacy was getting her house built, she told me that she had painted inspirational words on the wood. Even though they were going to be covered in gyprock and never seen again, it was like she was blessing her house. I had thought this was a great idea and was rather disappointed when we decided to go pre-fab, that I couldn't do that. I wouldn't have access to the house until it was all finished. I also loved the idea of having a cornerstone in the cement, like those big historical buildings. But that wasn't very realistic. So instead, I improvised.

The first day, the contractors laid what they call the footing course. It's like the outline of where the walls are going to go. After supper and after the workers had all gone home, we were down in the hole looking at the progress thus far. I noticed a little piece of wood sticking out of the cement in the front corner. So I pulled it out and then used it to write the word "Love" in the corner. Not exactly a cornerstone, but better than nothing. Jason thought the workers would think I was crazy, but I was happy. Even though it would be covered in cement the very next day, I knew that I would always know where it was, and that it was there. It's kinda hard to see it in this pic, but there it is.

The next day they came and put up the walls. Again that evening, after it had set for awhile, I went armed with a stick and wrote some more words. I wrote the words "Grace" and "Hope" and I got Jason to write "Jenn + Jason", like when we were in high school.

These words are still there. Our house will come and sit right on top of them. It's not as great as blessing the actual house, but at least I got to bless the foundation that our house will sit on.

It's really amazing to go over there and see it. Jason is starting to panic that we can't pay for it. He's always been a worrier when it comes to money. I, however, am just completely filled with gratitude. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like our house has feelings. It's like I always feel with our christmas tree every year. I feel honored that it has "chose" us to be it's family. To know that we will live out the rest of our days inside that house. And to have a basement has always been very important to me. Not just for the obvious reasons of storage and space, etc.. but to me, it's like we have literally put down roots in the earth. Like now, we're not going anywhere. Sure I know that people sell their houses and move everyday, but unless something horrible happened,... to me, that is not an option. I will do whatever it takes to never lose this home of ours.

On Friday, Abby started pre-school at Clora's. She absolutely loved it. She's actually pretty pissed that she only gets to go one day a week, and not everyday like Jules and Samuel. Even though it was rather warm outside, she insisted on wearing her new Dora outfit. I must say, seeing her in her new clothes, wearing her backpack and carrying her lunch can - she looked so grown up. I almost cried.

Next year she will start kindergarten. Unbelievable! I didn't know what to do with myself here alone all day. The house was so quiet. I tried my darndest not to be crazy with worry. Clora herself is a diabetic, so she is quite familiar with the insulin pen and glucose meter. Everything went fine except Abby was very cranky when she got home. I think she was overtired. Not used to the whole school thing.

I was browsing through one of my diabetes websites and found this. I think it is a cool idea. I might try to see if we could make two squares (one for each girl) and send them in. I also just joined a chat room that is for parents of kids with diabetes. When I discovered that Samuel was having night terrors, I joined a discussion group and it helped. So I'm hoping that this one might help us too. There are local support groups in our area that we could attend, but for now at least, I'd rather just be deal with it online and not in person. Who knows? Maybe some day we will attend a meeting. It's like when we found out we were having twins. Before, you never really knew many people, but then they're coming out of the woodwork. All the time we are hearing of someone else who has a kid diagnosed. So far I have only heard of one other family here that has two.

Well, that's enough for now. The natives are getting restless. It is "game day", you know.

Just To Hold You Over

2006-09-14T10:02:00.000-03:00

No time to talk right now.....but here's a pic of where we stand right now.

Pretty cool, huh?

Love? Peace? Rock on!?

2006-09-12T08:11:00.000-03:00

You know that hand gesture that all those rock stars do? They stand on the stage, raise both arms high, and then they do that thing with their hands. The one where you hold down your two middle fingers with your thumb, leaving your index and pinky finger sticking up. Well,.....not to admit to my un-coolness, but..... what exactly does that mean? Anyone?

I always just assumed it meant "rock on" or "peace/love". Is this right?

My kids came home from school last week and said that "this"(hand gesture) was sign language for "I love you". They kept doing it to me through out the rest of the day and insisted that I do it back.

So fast forward to the next day.

I dropped them off in the school parking lot. I'm standing there watching them walk in.(I like to make sure that they actually make it into the school before I leave). We wave to each other. And then they both turn around at the same time, raise one arm up high, and do the "rock-on" with their hand. So I, of course, raised mine and did it back.

I'm not sure what the other parents would think seeing these sweet little kids and their mom signing to each other like this. But I thought it was quite funny and cute. They look so sweet "rockin - on".

Let's just hope that it doesn't mean something obscene like "fuck you" or something. Now that would be funny wouldn't it? LOL. Mom always did call me "Sharon". Then I would have my own Kelly and Jack too.

Finally

2006-09-11T20:29:00.000-03:00

Tomorrow they are coming to dig our basement. I'm going to try to take pics through-out the whole process. I can't believe this is really finally happening. We're getting our house!

Seems odd to be given such good news on this date.

The moment I wake up, Before I put on my makeup....

2006-09-09T08:56:00.000-03:00

I have a coffee!

(I also say a little prayer for you, in case you were wondering)

I am officially a coffee drinker. How the heck did this happen? Well I think it might have something to do with the fact that it is an addictive stimulant. No?

I really think it was all that time spent in the Moncton hospital. They have a Tim Horton's stand right in the lobby. And well.... when you're there for a week, stressed and never getting any sleep... you do turn to caffeine for help.

I'm still not a regular coffee drinker, though. I'm more of a specialty coffee drinker. A coffee snob, if you will? Think Niles Crane without the money. I turn my nose up to plain old coffee, have no urge what so ever for a double-double. At Tim's I will usually get a cafe-mocha or an iced cappuccino, depending on the weather. I will however, drink a cappuccino from those crappy machines at the Irving, which Niles could never do. I've actually started craving those too. Weird. I've had to fight the urge to stop and get one every morning after dropping the kids off at school. Sadly, some mornings I lost that battle.

So Thursday night, while buying groceries, I bought my own coffee. Yes, it's just the instant kind. No money for fancy machines. But now every morning, there I am boiling water to make a french vanilla cafe. And it tastes good!

So ....... now that I know I have an addictive personality. I guess smoking can't be too far behind? Crack? Coke? My options are limitless. :)

It Worked!

2006-09-07T09:08:00.000-03:00

Remember how I said I was going to give optimism another go?

Well, it worked!

I got hardly no sleep the night before school started. No surprise there. That morning was crazy here, and I do mean crazy. It's a miracle we weren't late for school. Where we are living right now, the school bus comes at 7:20am. And I'm sorry, that's just too early for us, especially now with the whole insulin factor coming into play. So until we move back over home, I have to drive the kids to school everyday. This just adds to the craziness, because now I have to get myself and Abby ready to leave the house too. Thank God Jason was off that day! I'd hate to think what it would have been like here then!

So the whole family arrived for the first day of grade one, which was good because then we could help carry all their supplies for the year. We had to hang out to teach Twila and the aide how to use the glucose monitor. That went very well. Then we had to come back at dinner to teach Twila how to count the carbs and give the insulin. It is so great that she is willing to learn all of this. I'm not sure any other teacher would.

All in all, the first day of school went over well. Our only problem was that Jules didn't get to go outside and play at noon hour. After Jules finishes eating, she has to walk down to her classroom, meet up with Twila, walk down with her to the office where her insulin is kept, wait for her carbs to be counted, get her insulin, walk back up to her classroom and put away her lunch can. By the time she did all of this, and put on her outside shoes, it was time for the children to come inside. Jules was not happy at all. Twila told me she was nearly in tears. And later that night Jules still seemed upset whenever she talked about it. I was upset too. I was trying so hard to make it so that Jules was just like every other kid.

Later that night Mom called and felt bad about Jules. She offered to ask her boss if she could give Jules her pen everyday up in the cafeteria. I was blown away! This would solve all of our problems. The next morning Mom called and told me she got the ok from Bernadette. Great news! So Jason, Abby and I went up to the school at dinner time again yesterday to tell Twila and Jules the good news and to give Mom the insulin pen, needles and sharps container. Now everyday when Jules is finished eating, she will just walk into the kitchen and tell her grandmother that she is all done. Then Mom will count up her carbs, give her the insulin and away she'll go downstairs and outside, just like everyone else. Awesome! The weight that has been lifted is unreal! Now I can breathe.

I mean I was actually happy yesterday.

After dinner we drove down to our place to decide where we want the basement. I felt excited about the house for the first time since all of this began. It was nice to feel pure, normal, "BD" joy again. We had to fax a lot of things to Tallon today in order for him to get the necessary permits. He had hoped to have the basement all done by the end of this week, but he was having some delays in getting the permits, so now he doesn't think it will happen until the first of next. Our house is all done and ready to come! I'm still holding out hope that the phone will ring and it will be Tallon telling me they are coming to do the basement today. That way it could set all weekend and they could bring the house next week. I'm getting quite anxious to move home. I really want to be in by October 1st. The longer it takes for the basement, the less and less it looks like that will be possible. But hey, at least it's finally happening!

The girls have their first appointment with Dr. Dickison today at 3:30pm. Jason went back to work today but might see if he can leave early and meet us there. He really wants to see the doctor to ask him some questions. We want to know when we can stop checking them at midnight and three AM. It's hard to get any sleep that way. Last night I set my alarm wrong and only got to check them once at four AM, but they were ok. Jason doesn't see any reason why we couldn't do that every night. They haven't been going low in the night for awhile now. I think I will always be nervous about that, and can't ever see a time when I could go all night without checking them at all, even when the doctor says it's ok.

In other news, it looks like I may be going back to work full time next year. One of the ladies in the cafeteria has been having some health problems, and thus thinks it will be best if she retires after this year. It works out well because Abby starts kindergarten next year, and now with a big mortgage on the way, we could really use the money. It's also kinda crappy in a way, because I will never have that time home alone with all of my kids at school. But it's really hard to complain about that when I got to stay home with them the whole time before they started school, and so many parents out there never get to have that special time. I'm also very thankful that I will get to work at the school. I was grateful before because of the schedule, summers off, etc... But now with both Jules and Abby being diabetic, I'm even more thankful to be going to work at the school cafeteria. It's really the best place for me to be.

So this morning I must say I'm feeling pretty good. A lot like my old self again. I feel like things might finally be on the up-swing for us. I mean I'm not completely without worry ..... but that's never been me anyway. :)

Here's To Giving It Another Go

2006-09-04T22:32:00.000-03:00

The last few days have been rough. Really hard not to become cynical. I've been dwelling over the fact that I now have not one, but two daughters with diabetes. A friend lost her baby, another one found out her grandfather has cancer, and to top it all off Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, died. It seems you can't do anything, go anywhere without hearing something tragic, some mis-justice in the world. Everyone I know is in a bad mood. .....Worrying about their kids starting school, worrying about their kids starting pre-school, worrying about their kids starting day care, hating their job, not wanting to return to their job, crazy over getting a new job, etc... I wonder if there isn't something going on in the universe. Seriously. Like in those old books or movies where this crazy fog rolls in and changes everyone. It has been foggy lately. Is the moon abnormally full? Is there some sort of comet passing over us?

I have a theory. It's just September. September seems to signify change. I've never really been fond of change much, myself. Although I always thought I was, but discovered long ago that I was just fooling myself. I'm a fan of spontaneity, not change. And there is a difference. When you're spontaneous, you are choosing to do something out of the ordinary. It's different than what you might normally do at that time, and thus yes shakes things up a bit. But true change occurs when you don't have a choice. It happens whether you like it or not and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. Yeah, spontaneous good...... change, not so much.

I'm one of those people who enjoy comfort, as in comforting. Like curling up on the couch to watch a movie you've seen a million times, tucking yourself in at night with a good book, or listening to that special song that always brings you peace. And lately there seems to be no comfort to be found. Nothing works. No peace. No joy. And I hate it. I don't want to become one of those people. Those people who are constantly saying what a horrible place the world is to live in, .......how there's always something. You know - those people.

So I've decided to muster up all of my strength and give it another go. To try my damnedest to see the good. And maybe I'll catch myself even feeling it.