Dead Man Walking

Well....I'm really starting to worry about myself.

I wish I could blog like some other people do, completely honest, nothing off limits. But I can't bring myself to do it. There is always that 20% of my life or my mind that I can never share. Sometimes not with anyone. Is everyone like this? Even those who appear to hold nothing back. Are they secretly keeping a little bit of their thoughts hidden away just for themselves? I wonder.

I imagine everyone has their own demons that they battle everyday. Things they dare not share with anyone else for fear of judgment or, at the very least, ridicule. The sad part is that most of us feel like we are the only ones going through it. If only we just talked openly about it, we would see that we're not alone.

I admit to being neurotic. It's not something I hide. I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. I'm also paranoid, obsessive, compulsive, a chronic worrier, ....the list goes on. Usually I chalk it up to just part of my character; part of who I am. Let's face it. In today's society, you're looked upon as weird if you don't suffer from any of these. But sometimes I worry that it could get out of hand. Go beyond the normal limits,.... whatever they are.

Mom always says she feels sorry for this generation of mothers. "They have too much pressure put on them". I agree. Just when you think it couldn't get any harder, it does. The guilt, which we all know is the bane of my existence, can be overwhelming at times. I think, no I know, that guilt is my demon. My dead man on my back. Somehow I have to set him down, toss him aside..... Lord knows I've tried. What's your dead man? I bet you know.