What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Star Wars Horoscope for Capricorn

You have a ton of ambition and inexhaustible desire to reach your goals. You are very loyal, going to great lengths to help someone out. You are a very social unit, winning the hearts of many with your cute personality. Star wars character you are most like: R2D2

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Don't cry shopgirl, don't cry......

You've Got Mail is on the television. I LOVE that movie. I just love everything about it. There are so many lines in it. I love Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. I love her bookstore, her apartment and, of course,.........it's in New York. :)

Anyway, to recap the week........

Sunday morning, my Grammie Coughlan passed away. I had gone and visited her in palliative care Friday night. She was desperately thin and since she was on morphine, she really couldn't talk. My kids had drew some pictures for her, which I had taken with me to show her. She was really quite out of it, drifting in and out of consciousness - mostly out. Mom told her that Christina and I were there. She lifted her head up and said something which we could not understand. Then I took the pictures out of my purse and showed them to her, telling her what it was and who had drawn it. She looked at them and smiled. To see her smile at these pictures that my children had drawn is a moment that I will never forget.

I'm always amazed at myself in these situations. I always think that I won't be able to handle it. That I will want to run away in tears. But instead I find I have a tremendous urge to stay, to never leave. I remember when my Grandad Underhill died. At his wake I didn't want to leave him there, there in the basement of the church. I had the same feeling at my Grandad Coughlan's and I had it again with Grammie. If Jason didn't have to work on Saturday, I would have stayed at the hospital with Mom all night.

Sunday morning was a waiting game. The family had been called in at around 6am. Shortly after ten, the phone rang. She was gone. I sat in the chair and cried, still shocked that it had actually happened. Then there was telling the kids, which I'm always a little weary of. I don't want them to be scared about death. I told them that heaven is full of your favorite things, which excited them.....a little too much. It's like they couldn't wait to get to heaven. Which I guess is better than being afraid.

The rest of the day on Sunday and Monday morning, I found it hard not to worry profusely about Mom. Her Dad had just passed away in November and now her Mother was gone too. Now their house will sit empty. The end of an era. Mom assured me that there was nothing I could do. So Monday morning we decided to go camping for the night. The wake was not going to happen til Tuesday afternoon, so I wouldn't be missing anything. I just found I needed to do something, anything to occupy myself. We had planned on going camping before Grammie had passed so we decided that we would go anyway. I asked Mom several times if she thought it was ok and she said again that there was nothing anyone could do, and if she could leave, she would.

I found it hard to have a good time camping, but the kids really enjoyed themselves. We practically had the whole campground to ourselves. Very quiet and peaceful. It was quite hot that day, so after we set up and had dinner, we went swimming in the pool, our first dip of the year. I have to say that going swimming with the kids was rather fun. It was one of the few moments that I didn't spend wondering what Mom was doing. Later we took them to the playground where I had a quiet moment with life. I don't know how else to describe it. Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? You would be outside all the time, laying on the grass and looking up at the sky. I don't know why but for some reason I was compelled to do this. I can't remember the last time I did. I sprawled out on the grass, arms up over my head, and stared at the sky. Then I closed my eyes and just lay there. Being still. Doing nothing. It was like therapy.

Tuesday morning I couldn't get home fast enough. I felt scared or worried that I should be home. Grammie was waked from 2pm-4pm and from7pm-9pm. Jason took the kids up to his mother's for an hour or so in the afternoon, so he could come. His Mom had to go to work for 4pm. I stayed the entire time. We gathered at Mom's in between. In a bizarre moment the power went out. Perhaps if it had been anyone other then Grammie I would have gotten a little spooked. All in all, it went ok.....as well as any wake can go. The funeral was on Wednesday at 11am. It was so strange....like dejavu. We had just done this and here we were doing it all over again. Something oddly sweet or romantic yet unspeakably sad to see them laying her to rest right next to him. The tombstone is there now. It was my first time seeing it. There is a picture of a team of horses on his side and a bird on hers.

Kellie had to go back to Sackville so Jason and I and all the kids drove her home late that afternoon. We had decided it was best to just stay the night. I felt guilty leaving Mom but what do you do? We actually managed to have a good time despite the circumstances. Jason's father was passing through on his way to Halifax with the transport truck. So Thursday morning Jason left with his Dad and Kellie and I took the kids around Sackville. We walked to the park, around the university, saw the swans, toured the art gallery, ate at Mel's and got ice-cream and fudge from The Fudge Factory. Then after Jason got dropped off, it was time to go home.

Yesterday I was completely lost. I didn't know what day it was. My house was a mess and I really didn't seem to care. Still working on that. It's like the whole week was one long day. I guess it's always that way.

The Zsa Zsa Zsu

I just finished watching Sex and the City. It was the one where Nathan Lane's character gets married. Carrie is just getting with Berger, Miranda sleeps with Steve and Charlotte admits she's falling for hairy Harry. Anyway, in it Carrie talks about the "zsa zsa zsu".....the butterflies. I'm drinking some pink champagne that I bought in Sackville while visiting Kellie. I don't know if it's the liquor or lack of sleep or both, but I felt inspired to write about it. I'm not usually one to gush about my marriage or sex life but tonight as Jason went to bed, he gave me a kiss goodnight. Not a big kiss, a peck really, but it was nice. Very nice. And I felt it.........the zsa zsa zsu. It those little moments that come without warning that lets me know we're ok. That we still got it. And so tonight while watching SATC, I liked that I wasn't daydreaming about some other guy or celebrity hunk. I was thinking of my husband, whom I'm still IN love with and by the grace of God, I've been blessed with.

It's been a hell of a week, and tomorrow I promise to go into more details, but tonight I just want to drink from my glass of pink champagne, listen to Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina on television and pretend I don't have a care in the world.

.................................Definitely the liquor talking.

She Is Gone

She is gone......at 10:10am this morning.

The Last Time

My Grandmother is not getting any better, and apparently she never will. I talked to Mom this morning and she said that they will probably be putting Grammie into palliative care today or tomorrow. I guess my vibes are off this time. I still don't have "the feeling". Tonight is Mom's turn to stay the night at the hospital, so I've decided to go down tonight too and do "the visit". Mom said that Grammie won't know that I'm there, but I told her that I was going for me. And, in a way, I think I'm going for Mom too. It's so odd, knowing that this is the last time I will see Grammie alive. I guess it's a blessing to have this chance. With Grandad, I saw him at home, the day before he was taken to the hospital. I still knew that this was the last time I would see him. And so did he. You could see it in his eyes. I can still see him holding Abby's hand; his large old one clinging to her tiny, smooth one.

I had just taken the kids to visit Grammie probably a week before she was taken to the hospital. I just always thought she would be coming back home. If anything, seeing her tonight, will zap me into reality. Make me see that this is really actually happening. That it's real and not just the family over-reacting. Mom said I will not recognize her. Her weight loss has been so dramatic since entering the hospital.

I have to say that it's different this time. I mean because it's Grammie and not Grandad. When I look back over my entire childhood, I have no real memories of Grammie. I cannot remember her ever hugging me, or sitting on her lap or her telling me she loves me or saying anything to me sweetly. On the other hand, I have no bad memories of her either. Not once do I remember her being mean to me or saying anything in a harsh tone. I think it is their generation. It's the role she had to play. She would take the time to make her famous molasses cookies, but it's Grandad who I remember giving me the cookie. She was the one in the background, behind the scenes, making sure the house was clean, supper was made, cookies were baked. It's a role that many mothers take.

Sometimes I can even find myself falling into that category. Just yesterday I took the extra time to make a special supper for my kids - porcupine meatballs and rice with Strawberry shortcake for dessert. During the hectic time of rolling out the biscuit dough, the kids kept running around the kitchen. I found myself half-yelling at them to get out (My kitchen is very small and the oven was very hot) So here I was trying to show my kids how much I loved them by making their favorite strawberry shortcake, but I was yelling at them while making it? Life can get a little twisted sometimes. I tell my kids a hundred times a day that I love them. But sometimes I worry that it's not enough.

As a stay-at-home Mom, you can easily get caught up in the housecleaning responsibilities. "I can't play with you right now, Mom has to fold the towels." or "Maybe later, I have to do the dishes right now." But then Daddy comes home. Fun Daddy, who will twirl you around and throw you to the sky before he even takes his boots off.

I have to say that for the most part, I think I escape that trap. I'm not one to put housework first. Never have. Ask anyone. It's not that my house is completely trashed, just "lived in". I've always hated to go to those houses where you're scared to sit on the couch. I think we all know someone like that. Yes, their houses will be immaculately clean, everything will be in it's place, but at what cost? I'm not saying that every clean freak is unhappy in some way, but I know of a lot that are. They spend their time cleaning instead of communicating with their family. Again, not all, but some. In all my strives to not worry about what other people think, I can still slip a little when someone unexpectedly drops in for a visit. Especially Jason's Mom. For some reason I still hate it when she comes by and the house is dirty........and it always is. It never fails, that the day I have the floors all mopped and the livingroom dusted, she never visits. But the day that I chose to take my kids to the park or spent hours planning Abby's birthday party or simply "took the day off", that's the day I know I'm in for company.

So with Grammie Coughlan, I've never doubted her love for me or my children. No matter how big the family has gotten, and believe me it's BIG!!, I've never felt like she had a "favorite". I understand how she chose to show her love. With Grandad it was just a bit more obvious. He was much more vocal about it while Grammie said it with a delicious molasses cookie with butter spread on it.

I'm going to miss her.

Flickr

I set up a Flickr account yesterday and added to my blog. What's funny is that Kellie set one up yesterday too. We did it within hours of one another, but neither had mentioned it to the other. I guess great minds really do think alike. So now there should be lots of pics to gander at if anyone is interested.

My Grammie Coughlan took a turn for the worst last night. They ended up calling the family in. Her lungs keep filling full of fluid. The doctor said that they will continue to fill up because her heart is just too weak. I have to say I don't have that feeling yet, though. You know, that feeling when you just know it's going to happen, that someone is going to die. I just don't have it yet. I would have been completely shocked if she had passed away last night. But I guess you never know. People do get shocked all the time. I think Mom and all the family are still recovering from Grandad's death in November. They seem to be in the death zone where they think it is definitely going to happen. It really depends on what time of day you speak to Mom. She goes back and forth. I didn't get to talk to her last night but Kellie said she was in a bad way. Maybe it is going to happen this time and I'm just in denial. Who really knows?

The kids finally got to plant their marigolds yesterday. I think it will be a tradition. Every year, they'll plant marigolds in front of their playhouse. Samuel is really one for flowers and knowing their names. I hope some of that stays with him after he goes to school. I also planted my very first rose bush. I forget the name of it but it's supposed to do very well in frigid temperatures and will eventually grow large fragrant white blooms.

Very dreary out there today. I think the curtains will remain closed. Maybe we'll have a movie day or something. Oh well, the bathroom calls. I can't procrastinate cleaning it any longer. Can't wait. :(

The Force Is Strong With This One

Well, it's official. My kids are second generation Star Wars fans. Samuel has already ordered a light saber for Christmas. Every night for the last three nights, the kids have watched one of the classic episodes before going to bed. It really is kind of bizarre to hear them talking about Luke and Laya. Jason will torment Samuel and do the "Darth Vader" breathing, and say "Samuel, I am your Father", and then Samuel giggles. Yesterday Jason let them watch some of Episode I, and the other week Episode II - Attack of the Clones, was on CBC. Now the kids debate whether Annakin is good or evil. Jason and I went to the theater and saw Episode III. Call me a geek, but when that music started playing and those words were rolling up the screen, I became filled with excitement. We had never seen any of them in the theater before, so it was kind of cool to see the last one on the big screen. I don't care what any one else says, to me it was the best one yet. Hayden Christianson did an excellent job. I'll never look at Darth Vader the same way again. It made us want to come home and watch the original Star Wars series all over again.

Sunday we ended up doing neither of the things we had planned - camping or the work picnic. The weather really wasn't very good. We actually lazed around in bed for half of the day....literally. I mean we got up to get the kids breakfast and stuff, but then we returned to snuggle under the covers. We just laid there and talked and played with the kids. Before we knew it, it was 1:00pm! Jason turned to me and said he couldn't remember the last time we had stayed in bed that late. We actually had some extra money this month(what are the odds?) so after dinner we decided to run into town. We went to the Walmart and bought Jules and Samuel their own camping chairs. Abby had gotten a Dora camping chair for her birthday. And I hit the Walmart garden center!

I love, love, love this time of year - gardening time! Saturday I had finally tilled my garden all up in preparation for planting. When I say till, I mean I used a pitchfork and my bare hands. It was quite frustrating what with the millions of flies and the fact that I didn't even have my garden rake. Gary had come and borrowed it a few days ago, to rake some rock up at the mini-home. I had to use Mom's lawn rake, so..........you can only imagine how that turned out. But finally I was ready to plant. My garden is not very big at all. Just a little square. This year I decided to do something different. Instead of planting the traditional drills, which I've done the last two years, I went with a patchwork look or quadrants. I divided my little square into four. The first corner I planted tiny rows of carrots in a horizontal direction. Beside it, I planted tiny rows of green onions running the opposite way, or vertical direction. Then, yesterday I purchased some tomato, green pepper and bean plants which I planted in the third quadrant. The last corner I planted some marigolds. I like when people have flowers planted amongst their vegetables and I had never done it before. I opted for marigolds because they were cheap and are supposedly good for deterring bugs. So I made a little border of yellow and orange marigolds. Mom has some lilies that I can transplant. I might plant them there as well.

At the garden center I also purchased a hanging basket, some matching flowers for my window box and mail box planter, some red cedar mulch and my very own flowering shrub. When we were in the garden center, Samuel suddenly gasped and said loudly, "Mom! Look! Marigolds! We have to buy some for us to plant at our playhouse!". Last year I made a little flower bed in front of their playhouse and had helped each one of them plant some marigolds in it. So I bought some for them too. The weather was really wet today, so we didn't get a chance to plant them yet. But myself, I have been out the last two nights til dark, in the rain, landscaping and planting. I enjoy it that much. I'm not saying I have the greenest of thumbs or anything, it just makes me happy. It brings me peace.

Friday I went up to Sherry's to see the mini-home again. Her interior was all finished being painted. It looks gorgeous! I forgot to take my camera or I would post pics. The colors are as follows....brown kitchen and hallway, red livingroom, mossy/sage green master bedroom, orange bathroom, Anna's room is lilac and Paulina's is bubblegum pink. I have pics of it on the day it came. I just haven't uploaded them yet. When I do, if I think of it, I will put one on here.

This morning I had an interesting dream. I dreamt that I had asked Rosie to come here to Blackville to perform/speak or do stand-up with all the proceeds going to cancer research. And she came! She was signing autographs and talking with everyone when I started to cry. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't believe that I had caused this to happen all by myself. It was my idea. I had approached her and had organized the whole thing. Plus we had raised so much for cancer research. Then I turned towards the wall where there was tons of names each written on a yellow star, pasted on it. The names were all people who had died of cancer. I looked at one particular star, thinking "this was for you". I couldn't really see the name in my dream. Then I woke up. Analysis anyone? When I woke up I felt so inspired or something. Like it was a sign. I told Jason about it and that I felt like going on her blog and commenting about it, saying if you ever want to come to New Brunswick, blah, blah, blah.... Jason said, "Don't you think she'll think you're crazy?" Which I probably was. I did go on her blog but luckily the comments shut off. Interestingly enough, in her latest entry, she wrote:

2 all out there
be inspired
write a letter
join something
anything to help

in a dark room
turn on a light

then peace

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

Just a little post.....trying to get in the habit of posting everyday. I had promised Jules that she could watch The Sound Of Music again. So, right after breakfast, she came out all dressed and said "I'm ready Mommy". Before I knew it, there she was twirling around dancing in the livingroom. Even Samuel likes to watch certain moments of it. When the scene where the kids are singing "So long, farewell, etc.. " starts he said "Sing Mommy! Sing cause you know all the words". And I am guilty of using the song "Favorite Things" to console Jules with her fear of bees. ".....When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel sooooo bad".

After the movie I took the kids to the park in Blackville. I think it is the first time I have taken them there by myself. Usually Jason is with us or we plan to go with Mom, Sherry and her kids. It was kinda freeing in a way. I like my kids, especially my daughters, to see me as independent. The song I Can See Clearly Now was playing on the radio on the way home. It was a little moment for me. It's such a beautiful day here, hot but with a nice breeze. Talked to a lady who was there with her two granddaughters. They were on their way to Miramichi for her niece's wedding. They had traveled from their home in Ontario in a Winnebago and had stopped to camp along the way. Made me just want to pack up and travel cross country.

We are thinking of maybe going camping again this weekend. Possibly just Sunday night. Jason's work is having a family picnic day at the Enclosure. They have one every year. You have a choice between lobster and steak. They have face painting for the kids and a family scavenger hunt at 3pm. Jason told them at work that we would go this year. But now he's thinking maybe he'd rather just go camping at Daigle again instead. I think he's just anxious to go swimming in their pool. It's heated. I was kinda excited to try going to this work picnic thing. I think it would be good for us to go out and meet new people. Plus maybe it would help Jason to socialize with people he works with outside the workplace. We went to the work Christmas party this year and it wasn't' that bad. But when it comes down to it, it's his work thing and I don't want to force him to go to it. Plus I am just dying to go camping with the tent trailer again. So really its a win/win situation.

Oooh and I read Rosie this morning and she asked if anyone had gotten a surprise in the mail. I think there might actually be a t-shirt headed my way! Cool! I'm so excited!

Attack of the Spiders

Ever wonder how you would react if you found an intruder in your home? Would you scream? Or would the fear steal your voice? Well, now I know. I would scream bloody murder. This morning, while talking on the phone to Christina, I went in to make my bed. I took off all the blankets and then reached for the pillows. In between Jason's two pillows, was the biggest spider I have ever seen in my house! EVER!! I screamed and screamed and then screamed some more. Poor Christina did not know what was happening. For all she knew I was getting murdered. She kept asking me, "What? What is it?". Finally I stopped screaming enough to say "There is a Mother Fucking spider on the bed!" Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I do not normally talk like that, but I kept saying it over and over and over again. Because the kids had heard me screaming, they came running down the hall. So, of course the cursing stopped immediately. :) I didn't feel confident enough with just a fly swatter, so I ran to the trailer to get the raid. I even screamed a little out there, shuddering, as if to shake it off me. When it came right down to it, I couldn't bring myself to face him. Everytime he moved, I screamed again. So I did what I so do not normally do,......I called over home for help. Lee came to the rescue. I shut the bedroom door and have not been in there since. I'm waiting for Jason to come home.....just in case.

So, after hours of my nerves being so shot that I would scream at the sight of a mosquito, I finally started to feel like myself again. I could even laugh about it. But just a few minutes ago, there was another sighting. This time in the kitchen. Samuel spotted it and said, "Mom, there's another big spider!" Thankfully it was not quite as big as the other one, but still it was pretty darn huge! This one I actually did get with just a fly swatter, and much less screaming. But now I'm like totally unnerved and freaked out! I do not know how I will sleep tonight. Honestly, it is a sin that a phobia can totally control one's life. Plus, here I am trying to get the kids to not be so scared of hornets and bees, while I'm screaming like a banshee over a spider.

Back For Seconds

Just wanted to surprise you by blogging twice in one day!

Everyone is asleep right now. Well, everyone except me, of course. I just don't feel that tired for some reason. I watched an episode of Dancing With the Stars. It was a little fun to watch, but just seemed weird to watch these celebrities out there dancing like that. How does one get approached to do a show like that, anyhow? I caught up on my blog reading. Can I just say how much I love Wil Wheaton? His blog is a joy to read. I thought I was going to wake the kids with my laughter. "......come with me while I take a shit in the woods." Hilarious! Plus he's a gosh-darn great man. I love how he writes about his wife and kids. Was so depressed to hear about Anne Bancroft. I loved her Miss Havisham in the modernized Great Expectations with Ethan Hawke. Jason and I still sometimes will say "Chicka-boom!". Mel must look so sad. It seems like all the old classics are going so fast now. Makes you think how one day, when we're old, we'll hear about Tom Hanks' passing or Bob DeNiro's or Al Pacino's, Steve Martin's or Robin Williams. I keep waiting for Paul Newman's. That will be a sad day. And who knows how many years Jack Nicholson has left? Well, ....he'll probably outlive all of us. Whenever Diane Keaton goes, I know I will cry. This is getting a little morbid. I think I should stop. Must be time for bed.

Back By Popular Demand

It's no secret that I haven't been blogging much....or at all. I guess I'm just out of it. Now that the weather is finally decent, I just don't seem to be on the computer much anymore. I must try to work out a routine, like logging on during breakfast, or maybe I'll try doing the late-night thing, like I used to. But anyway, here I am.........

This past weekend we went on our first camping trip of the season, and our first ever with our own tent-trailer. We had been planning on leaving on Saturday(Jason's first day off), but on Thursday we decided to leave on Friday evening, after he got home. Earlier in the week, I had spent hours cleaning out the trailer, and now it was time to pack it. It is so easy! What a difference! I'm used to making a huge pile in the middle of the floor of things to take, and then having to go through it one last time before you load the car. But now I just take something out to the trailer, put it in a cupboard and can cross it off my list. We have so much storage space, it's amazing! Everything had it's place.

Christina and Philip wanted to go camping too, so we all decided to go to Daigle's Campgroundwhich is just past Kouchibouquac Park. They only stayed Friday night, while we stayed the whole weekend. Jason and I had stayed there last year and really enjoyed it. It has 214 sites, wooded and open. We always opt for wooded. They have a heated pool but it wasn't operational yet. There is a large playground area for the kids and a store that literally carries anything you would ever need,...ever.

We didn't arrive until around 8pm. Our kids ran around while we set up. The canopy looked so cool! The first time I stepped out of the trailer with the canopy overhead, I had dejavu bigtime! I could so see our old green canopy that we had on our tent trailer when I was a kid. Actually I had dejavu a lot during the weekend. Laying on that bed, the kids gathered round the table eating breakfast, the sound of rain on the canvas during the night, etc... It was really nice to get to do with my kids, what I had done when I was a child.

After Christina & her family left on Saturday, we took the kids to the playground and flew a kite. I had packed one of Abby's kites, just in case. Jules' made a new friend in the sandbox, Samuel flew the kite, while Jason and I took turns pushing Abby on the swings. After dinner, we took a drive into St. Louis and Richibucto. Man are there some nice houses! Jason was on the hunt for a Tim Horton's, and on the other side of Richibucto, he found one. Saturday night was quite cold and we ended up going to bed early. It rained early Sunday morning....no leaks!! We left at 11am. As soon as we got home we put the trailer up again so it could dry out. Hopefully we will get to go again soon. This summer we want to go camping at Bartibog, Moncton and Sackville/Amherst.

My whole Sunday School dilemma has still been haunting me. I don't know why I can't just relax like a normal person. Last week I told Mom about my plans. She was not impressed at all. So Sunday night, I lay in bed crying about it. Again. I don't know if I was just tired? Hormonal? But I was really upset. I just feel like a freak sometimes. Like everyone else is "normal" while I'm on the outside. I can't explain it. I guess it's that all the other people or Mothers I'm surrounded by are sending their kids to their respective churches and see no problem with it. Sometimes I think I'm over-reacting or over analyzing everything. Or maybe I'm just plain worried what everyone else is thinking?

Anyway, as I lay there crying, I decided I wanted to finish reading my grace book. So I did. Then I started to say the little grace prayer that I say....

"I am open and receptive to the power of Grace in my life now. I ask to be shown clear examples of how this energy is operating in my life."

But this time I asked for a specific sign in regards to Sunday School. I kinda laughed to myself as I said it. Here I was praying to God for a sign that I should pull my kids out of Sunday School. Some might call that sacrilegious? We had bought a Moncton paper in Richibucto but I hadn't had a chance to read it yet. After praying, I reached over and grabbed a section at random. It turned out to be the Life & Times section, which holds the listings of church masses. As I looked at all of the various churches, which filled an entire page, I felt even worse. Why can't I just belong to one of those like everyone else? Why am I making such a big deal of this? Then an article on the opposite page caught my eye. It's title was "Pretending or Faking It". In it, the writer talked about how easy it is today to fake it. How we do it all the time. We laugh at jokes that aren't funny, we fain concern for an acquaintance at the grocery store, we pretend certain remarks don't hurt our feelings when they really did, etc... He also talked about the hypocrisy of some church goers, how their outside does not match their inside. But it was the last two lines that really struck me. "May it be our prayer that God will give us the courage to be honest with ourselves and with others so we won't have to pretend anymore. People who "faith it" and not "fake it" find freedom.

Again maybe it was just hormones or exhaustion, but I cried so hard when I read those lines. I felt like my prayers had been answered. That someone was listening.

Yesterday Sherry and Gary's mini-home arrived. They were overcome with excitement, to say the least. We all watched as they backed it down their lane and into place. It took a long time and was kinda nerve racking to see it twist and go like that. But now it is safely in place. They got take-out for supper and ate it on the floor so as to have their very first family meal in their new home.

I am ashamed to admit that it was somewhat bitter sweet for Jason and I. We are so happy for them, yet could not help wonder when our time will come. It's even harder that it is literally the exact same mini-home that Jason and I was going to get last year. If we had sold the trailer last summer, that mini-home is what we would be living in. And Sherry had used a lot of the ideas that I was going to do to it. She changed the livingroom window into two smaller ones, made the bathroom windows bigger, put panes of glass in the exact cupboards I was going to, under cabinet lighting, etc.. Not that I'm mad or anything, it just makes it weird. Aside from the exterior colors and flooring, it was like walking into what might have been. Because they were so caught up in their own excitement, as they should be, I think they kinda forget. Gary took Jason through it and said things like "Look how big the kitchen is." and "What do you think of these cupboards?", which also were the same. And Sherry was like, "What do you think of it Jenn? Isn't it beautiful?" It seemed like they thought we had never seen it before, let alone had it memorized. Gary's parents came just as we were leaving and Bonnie said to me, "I suppose you're going to go home and want one too?". Sherry got a look on her face and I knew she felt bad. I just said "Well, you can want, but you can't buy".

I just feel so guilty. Last night I felt that I had to "act" when we went inside it. The thing is that I AM really happy for her, for all of them. Paulina is so excited, and Anna is finally going to have a room. It's their time. Gary is almost 40 yrs old, so it should be their time. And Sherry is just so happy and can't wait to move in. Jason and I decided last Fall that we were going to build a house instead, so it's not like Sherry stole our home or anything. I think it is just going to take a couple of days to get used to it.

On a lighter note, last week I got a great phone call from PEI. It was Alice from Millsteam Cottages, where we stayed last year. They had a cancellation, so now we can stay with them! I'm so excited to go now! I had been wary of trying somewhere different. The only thing was we had to switch our days just a little. Before, we were planning on leaving Monday, July 25 and now we're not going until Wednesday, July 27. This time we got a two bedroom, since Mom is coming with us. She hasn't stayed there before, but we showed her it on video and she seemed to like it a lot. I just love it there. It's ideally located in between Charlottetown and Cavendish. So you can go in and do the tourist thing or you can just relax, take a swim, have a campfire, and chill. I can't wait.

Oh well, I hope that is enough to tide you over.......Kellie! I have to go and start supper.
I'll try to blog more often. Promise!