Back By Popular Demand

It's no secret that I haven't been blogging much....or at all. I guess I'm just out of it. Now that the weather is finally decent, I just don't seem to be on the computer much anymore. I must try to work out a routine, like logging on during breakfast, or maybe I'll try doing the late-night thing, like I used to. But anyway, here I am.........

This past weekend we went on our first camping trip of the season, and our first ever with our own tent-trailer. We had been planning on leaving on Saturday(Jason's first day off), but on Thursday we decided to leave on Friday evening, after he got home. Earlier in the week, I had spent hours cleaning out the trailer, and now it was time to pack it. It is so easy! What a difference! I'm used to making a huge pile in the middle of the floor of things to take, and then having to go through it one last time before you load the car. But now I just take something out to the trailer, put it in a cupboard and can cross it off my list. We have so much storage space, it's amazing! Everything had it's place.

Christina and Philip wanted to go camping too, so we all decided to go to Daigle's Campgroundwhich is just past Kouchibouquac Park. They only stayed Friday night, while we stayed the whole weekend. Jason and I had stayed there last year and really enjoyed it. It has 214 sites, wooded and open. We always opt for wooded. They have a heated pool but it wasn't operational yet. There is a large playground area for the kids and a store that literally carries anything you would ever need,...ever.

We didn't arrive until around 8pm. Our kids ran around while we set up. The canopy looked so cool! The first time I stepped out of the trailer with the canopy overhead, I had dejavu bigtime! I could so see our old green canopy that we had on our tent trailer when I was a kid. Actually I had dejavu a lot during the weekend. Laying on that bed, the kids gathered round the table eating breakfast, the sound of rain on the canvas during the night, etc... It was really nice to get to do with my kids, what I had done when I was a child.

After Christina & her family left on Saturday, we took the kids to the playground and flew a kite. I had packed one of Abby's kites, just in case. Jules' made a new friend in the sandbox, Samuel flew the kite, while Jason and I took turns pushing Abby on the swings. After dinner, we took a drive into St. Louis and Richibucto. Man are there some nice houses! Jason was on the hunt for a Tim Horton's, and on the other side of Richibucto, he found one. Saturday night was quite cold and we ended up going to bed early. It rained early Sunday morning....no leaks!! We left at 11am. As soon as we got home we put the trailer up again so it could dry out. Hopefully we will get to go again soon. This summer we want to go camping at Bartibog, Moncton and Sackville/Amherst.

My whole Sunday School dilemma has still been haunting me. I don't know why I can't just relax like a normal person. Last week I told Mom about my plans. She was not impressed at all. So Sunday night, I lay in bed crying about it. Again. I don't know if I was just tired? Hormonal? But I was really upset. I just feel like a freak sometimes. Like everyone else is "normal" while I'm on the outside. I can't explain it. I guess it's that all the other people or Mothers I'm surrounded by are sending their kids to their respective churches and see no problem with it. Sometimes I think I'm over-reacting or over analyzing everything. Or maybe I'm just plain worried what everyone else is thinking?

Anyway, as I lay there crying, I decided I wanted to finish reading my grace book. So I did. Then I started to say the little grace prayer that I say....

"I am open and receptive to the power of Grace in my life now. I ask to be shown clear examples of how this energy is operating in my life."

But this time I asked for a specific sign in regards to Sunday School. I kinda laughed to myself as I said it. Here I was praying to God for a sign that I should pull my kids out of Sunday School. Some might call that sacrilegious? We had bought a Moncton paper in Richibucto but I hadn't had a chance to read it yet. After praying, I reached over and grabbed a section at random. It turned out to be the Life & Times section, which holds the listings of church masses. As I looked at all of the various churches, which filled an entire page, I felt even worse. Why can't I just belong to one of those like everyone else? Why am I making such a big deal of this? Then an article on the opposite page caught my eye. It's title was "Pretending or Faking It". In it, the writer talked about how easy it is today to fake it. How we do it all the time. We laugh at jokes that aren't funny, we fain concern for an acquaintance at the grocery store, we pretend certain remarks don't hurt our feelings when they really did, etc... He also talked about the hypocrisy of some church goers, how their outside does not match their inside. But it was the last two lines that really struck me. "May it be our prayer that God will give us the courage to be honest with ourselves and with others so we won't have to pretend anymore. People who "faith it" and not "fake it" find freedom.

Again maybe it was just hormones or exhaustion, but I cried so hard when I read those lines. I felt like my prayers had been answered. That someone was listening.

Yesterday Sherry and Gary's mini-home arrived. They were overcome with excitement, to say the least. We all watched as they backed it down their lane and into place. It took a long time and was kinda nerve racking to see it twist and go like that. But now it is safely in place. They got take-out for supper and ate it on the floor so as to have their very first family meal in their new home.

I am ashamed to admit that it was somewhat bitter sweet for Jason and I. We are so happy for them, yet could not help wonder when our time will come. It's even harder that it is literally the exact same mini-home that Jason and I was going to get last year. If we had sold the trailer last summer, that mini-home is what we would be living in. And Sherry had used a lot of the ideas that I was going to do to it. She changed the livingroom window into two smaller ones, made the bathroom windows bigger, put panes of glass in the exact cupboards I was going to, under cabinet lighting, etc.. Not that I'm mad or anything, it just makes it weird. Aside from the exterior colors and flooring, it was like walking into what might have been. Because they were so caught up in their own excitement, as they should be, I think they kinda forget. Gary took Jason through it and said things like "Look how big the kitchen is." and "What do you think of these cupboards?", which also were the same. And Sherry was like, "What do you think of it Jenn? Isn't it beautiful?" It seemed like they thought we had never seen it before, let alone had it memorized. Gary's parents came just as we were leaving and Bonnie said to me, "I suppose you're going to go home and want one too?". Sherry got a look on her face and I knew she felt bad. I just said "Well, you can want, but you can't buy".

I just feel so guilty. Last night I felt that I had to "act" when we went inside it. The thing is that I AM really happy for her, for all of them. Paulina is so excited, and Anna is finally going to have a room. It's their time. Gary is almost 40 yrs old, so it should be their time. And Sherry is just so happy and can't wait to move in. Jason and I decided last Fall that we were going to build a house instead, so it's not like Sherry stole our home or anything. I think it is just going to take a couple of days to get used to it.

On a lighter note, last week I got a great phone call from PEI. It was Alice from Millsteam Cottages, where we stayed last year. They had a cancellation, so now we can stay with them! I'm so excited to go now! I had been wary of trying somewhere different. The only thing was we had to switch our days just a little. Before, we were planning on leaving Monday, July 25 and now we're not going until Wednesday, July 27. This time we got a two bedroom, since Mom is coming with us. She hasn't stayed there before, but we showed her it on video and she seemed to like it a lot. I just love it there. It's ideally located in between Charlottetown and Cavendish. So you can go in and do the tourist thing or you can just relax, take a swim, have a campfire, and chill. I can't wait.

Oh well, I hope that is enough to tide you over.......Kellie! I have to go and start supper.
I'll try to blog more often. Promise!