My Place In The World

The last few weeks I have been thinking about the future. My twin five year olds start kindergarten in the fall. Abby will turn three next month and before you know it, she will be off to school too. Then what happens? For the longest time my crystal ball could not see any farther than that. But lately I've been trying to see through the fog.

Before I was a mother, I worked at quite a few different jobs, none of which I liked. They were all minimum wage retail jobs except for one. I never knew what "my thing" was. You know, that passion, "if you could do any job in the world what would it be?" - thing. I drew a blank. Then I got pregnant and my whole world changed. I had finally found my thing. It was being a Mom. I've been lucky enough to be a stay-at-home Mom for the last five and a half years. But my kids are growing and soon, in the not so distant future, will all be beginning a life of their own, their own journey- one separate from their Mom. So now I am beginning to ask myself the question "What's next?"

My Mom works at the school in the cafeteria. In a few years she plans to retire, which will likely open up a position. We have talked a lot about myself going to work there. Mom has even told her superior that I was interested. Even recently, I have put my name in to be their "spare", which means that if for some reason someone cannot come in to work that day, they would call me. Working there would have the ultimate schedule. Weekends off. Holidays off. Summer off. Even off on snow days, teacher's meetings and March break. After Abby's in school, I would practically never need a babysitter. So if all goes well, that is probably what I will end up doing.

The other side of me has been wondering if this is the time I'm supposed to pursue my passions that are outside of the home, outside of being a Mother and a wife. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love, love, love houses. I love their architecture, design, decor, etc... Yesterday I thought about becoming a real estate agent. I think I would be really good at it. I would love seeing different spaces and I think I could see the unique features each one had to offer. The only problem is that it is a "selling" job. I've never been that good of a seller. I hate that whole commission attitude that a lot of sellers have. When I worked in retail it was always "Sell, sell, sell, push, push, push". I hated it. I mean how many pairs of shoes does one person normally buy? My friends say it would be different because I would actually believe in what I was selling. Maybe someday.

I've also done a lot of soul-searching about charities. I'd love to belong to a charity that I really moved me and that would make a difference in the world. Another question. Which one? There are so many. Right now I know I can't get as involved as much as I would like. My hours and schedule are not as flexible as they will be in the future. Like when the kids are teenagers. But maybe I'll have wild, rebellious teenagers and have even less time. Let's hope not. Yesterday I saw a commercial for Whirlpool with Reba McIntyre talking about Habitat For Humanity. It made me want to cry as it talked about how a house key can be precious metal to someone who never had one of their own. I thought "Wow! That would be the perfect charity for me! It involves everything that I love. And what better way to change someone's life than by giving them a home." The only problem is that there are no chapters of Habitat For Humanity in my area. Too bad. But then I let my mind wander one step further and allowed myself to dream about one day founding a local chapter of HFH. Who knows?

I think that is one of life's many lessons - you never know what the future brings. You can start off in life as a young, shy, mousy girl with low self-esteem and blossom into a loving, passionate Mom who is headstrong, stubborn and feels like she can take on the world - even if only in her imagination.