Independently Still

My walk was cut short this morning, courtesy of a neighborhood dog, or rather by my fear that said dog was not too happy to see me. He had just finished chasing away the hydro man, when he turned to see me approaching. He stared at me for a while and then started to walk slowly toward me, almost creeping, with no tail wagging. I did the "Hell-ooo" in my most friendliest voice, but got no reaction. Rather than take any chances, I decided to turn around. To my surprise it began to follow me. For a second I was so scared that it might actually attack me that I called Mom on my cell phone, to ensure someone would come rushing to my rescue. I always carry my cell with me just in case the school needs to get in contact with me regarding the girls, but I guess it can come in handy for possible dog attacks too. :) The dog almost immediately turned around but I didn't. Defeated, I chose just to walk to the end of the road and back, which really is no walk at all. It started to rain before I got home, so I guess the dog saved me from a very wet walk.

What really surprised me is how disappointed I was in missing my walk. I mean this morning was a really dreary morning. It was already misting out before I even left. I've been quite fortunate that every other day that I've gone walking, the sun has been shining. And let's face it, it is so much easier to be in the mood to go out for a walk when it is a beautiful sunny morning. Yesterday was really my first overcast morning walk. I thought about not going. I did. But then I realized as much as it would be easier to use the weather as an excuse not to go, I really wanted to go. And then this morning, it was misting out, totally looked like it could rain at any second. I'm not going, I said. Not in the rain. No way. But then I found myself suiting up with hat and splash coat and away I went.....insert above dog story here.

What has happened to me?

Thanksgiving morning was a beautiful sunny morning. Blue skies. Colored leaves. Chilly air. A beautiful Fall morning for sure. So beautiful that it inspired me to go for one of my walks. I usually only go during the week. Jason was cooking breakfast while the kids were playing. I kissed everyone goodbye and off I went. What a great walk that was! I don't know if it was because it was Thanksgiving Sunday, or how beautiful a morning it was or maybe it was the songs that played on my iPod or a combination of all three. It was just very uplifting.

As I was walking home, with golden leaves softly falling and twirling around me I was reminded of another Thanksgiving some 12 years ago. Although I had had my driving license since I was 16, my parents had just put insurance on their sky blue 4x4 Jimmy for me for the first time. Jason and I were still living separately at our parents' houses. I asked to take the Jimmy for a drive up to Jason's house and since my parents weren't going anywhere and I was now an insured driver, they actually said "yes". It was my first time driving alone. I pulled out the driveway feeling so independent. I drove along the Barnettville road with the sun shining down on me. How cool was this? Look at me! Finally! Ahead the road was sprinkled with multi-colored leaves. I sped over them and glanced back to see them dancing in the air behind me. I remember thinking, "I did that. I made those leaves dance. Me. All by myself". Sure it doesn't sound like much now, but at the time it meant a lot. To me it was a symbol of my independence. My adult life was about to begin.

Looking back, I guess it did. My parents had paid for insurance because I, along with my sister, was working at the mall in town. It saved them from having to taxi us back and forth. Soon I would buy my very own car. A clunker that would give me quite an education in motor vehicles. Then later, of course, Jason would get on at Weyerhaueser and we would make the final move out of our parents' houses and into a basement duplex in town. And the rest, as they say, is history.

But getting back to my Thanksgiving walk, with the memories, along with the leaves, swirling around my head. I felt somewhat the same as I had that fateful Thanksgiving drive. Only this time, instead of the excitement that filled me as I raced through the leaves to make them dance, I was filled with a peaceful calm as I walked along while the leaves softly fell around me. I wish I could put it into words better. It was like back then I couldn't wait to go out and make things happen, you know? Remember when you were twenty years old and what that felt like? But now I've grown. I've changed. Now I cherish those times when I don't have to do anything. When I can just breathe, you know? Like I said, it's hard to put into words.

I walked up my walkway and up the porch steps and opened my front door. The house was now filled with the smell of bacon. Jason and the kids had already finished eating and he had just tucked a plate for me into the microwave. I took my still-warm breakfast outside and ate it on the porch while sitting in one of my favorite yellow chairs. Jason was now washing his old white car on the lawn, while the kids ran around laughing. Our burnt orange maple tree glowed against the clear blue sky.

I smiled.

Sometimes the best moments in life happen when you are doing nothing at all.