What looks like crazy............

Today is Wednesday, August 31st, which means that my kids will be starting to school in exactly one week from today. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday, that school was such a far off thought, way off in the future. I always knew that I would be sad to see them go, but I guess I never really knew just how deeply it would affect me.

Every moment of every day, I find myself questioning, "Is this the last time?". Is this the last time that I will have a leisurely day, with my kids playing and laughing in the background, as I bake cookies or make supper? Is this the last time that we will all sleep in together, all five of us, in the one bed? On and on and on. I know the answer to most of my questions is "no". There will still be weekends and summers to come. But I just can't believe that things will ever be the same again.

I wonder, "Did I do all that I could?". Did I give them the best first five years of their life that I could. Did I give them enough attention? Did I take them for granted? Did I focus too much on cleaning the house, etc... and not play with them enough? It's so easy to go to a crazy place.

I know that all it will take is a few weeks and then I will be fine. I'll love having a routine and Abby and I will get some quality time together. Jules and Samuel will be loving going to school and we'll hardly be able to remember a time when they didn't go.

.................Well, maybe it will take a little more than a few weeks. But in time, I'll be ok.

But for now, I'm still in some kind of silly mourning phase. Something which I cannot control. And, by the way, if ONE more person tells me how things are going to change, how things are going to be different this year, "you'll see", or gives me that pathetic little patronizing smile when they find out the kids are starting kindergarten ..................I do believe I may explode!

I know I am not the first mother to send her kids off to school, but it is the first time for me. And everyone deals with it in a different way. Some Mothers are jumping up and down, impatiently waiting for the first day of school. Others are crying while holding their child who is also crying and whose child will continue to cry everyday that he/she has to get on the bus. Still others, I assume, are like myself. We know our children are ready, willing and able to start school, and we speak only enthusiastically about it with them. We never let them see just how sad we are, saving our tears for after the bus pulls away.

That will be me in one week.

The kids get their haircut tomorrow at 1pm. I'm thinking about taking them up to the school afterwards to see where their classroom is. The teachers are there now, preparing for next week. The kids will like it and I think it will help me. Although I'm sending them on the bus the first day, Jason and I are going to drive up to the school and escort them to their classroom, just to see them and assure ourselves that they are indeed going to be ok. So if I see their classroom tomorrow, with their little names written outside the door, it might help me to not get so emotional next week. Plus I'm very curious to see who else is going to be in their class. So far I only know three other kids. The rest are all in Mr. Fletts or the multi-age class. Most of which, I have to say, I'm quite glad to not have them in Jules and Samuel's class. Alot of little bullies who will remain nameless.

I've bought everything off the list, retrieved all clothing from Mom's house, picked out their storybooks to take with them, and have started getting up earlier in preparation. There is still things I need to do, but I know they will get done. Don't panic. Everything is going to be fine. That is my new mantra.



You know the silliest part of all this?..............A part of me, a surprisingly BIG part of me,............. is really excited for them. So why all the craziness?

Being Jennifer Keenan

To Do:

- Bathe all kids
- Wrap Deanna's birthday present
- Take kids to Deanna's birthday party at the park
- Give entire house a deep down clean
- Catch up on laundry
- Go over to Mom's and sort through Samuel's and Jule's back to school clothes
- Go through kids' closet and dresser drawers and decide what clothes I can pack or give away
- Try not to go completely crazy over the whole clothes thing
- Somehow buy another plastic drawer thingy to store kids clothes
- Get kids haircut
- Attempt to get kids and myself used to getting up early in the morning
- Sleep
- Try to take kids to the park sometime soon for a picnic
- Try to take kids over to Christina's to play one last time before school starts
- Buy Mom a birthday present
- Finally finish painting my bedroom
- Find a box or container to start holding my paper trash to recycle
- Somehow write a DVD review column again
- Sign up for Kellie's writer's workshop
- Try to convince Christina and Trisha to sign up for the workshop too
- Blog
- Figure out what the kids are going to take in their lunches
- Choose which story books the kids are going to take with them to kindergarten
- Write the kids names on everything
- Breathe
- Clean the inside of the tent trailer
- Try to be sane
- Try to have a lot of these things done or taken care of so that we can enjoy last days before the kids start school and the world as we know it changes forever
- Try to be sane

The Prioress You scored 21% Cardinal, 53% Monk, 52% Lady, and 45% Knight!

You are a moral person and are also highly intellectual. You like your solitude but are also kind and helpful to those around you. Guided by a belief in the goodness of mankind you will likely be christened a saint after your life is over. You scored high as both the Lady and the Monk. You can try again to get a more precise description of either the Monk or the lady, or you can be happy that you're an individual.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on Cardinal You scored higher than 78% on Monk You scored higher than 85% on Lady You scored higher than 39% on Knight

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

We Are Family

Ok,Ok, I know I haven't been blogging much lately. We all can't be Kellie, now can we?

To be honest, I'm still playing catch-up from last week. Doing laundry, cleaning the house, sleeping,.....you get the idea. And now, I've started preparing for this weekend.

We were all supposed to go to Fundy together, Mom, Kellie, Sherry & her family and me with mine. But Jason and I decided that we shouldn't go. We really couldn't afford it. I mean we had the money to pay for the rooms and the gas, but that's it. No eating at Alma's take-out, no souvenir shopping, and we could barely pay the entrance fee to get into the park. We'd get to go to Fundy this year, but come home without a dime to our name. Then we thought maybe we would still go to Fundy, but just camp inside the park instead. But the kids are starting school in the Fall, and aside from Samuel's Star Wars backpack, I have yet to buy anything. So now we are going camping in Moncton and taking the kids on a back-to-school shopping spree. We're booked at Stonehurst, the same place we stayed at last time. It's very nice, very big, with clean washrooms. And you cannot beat it's location- just 1km from Lyons Store. So, I'm still going to come home without a dime to my name,.......but hopefully with all the kids school supplies.

Sherry seemed quite disappointed that we were not going, as did Kellie and Mom. When I think about Alma with the breeze blowing and the tide washing in, I can get quite saddened that we're not going along with them. But honestly, I haven't really had a chance to think of Alma much at all. My thoughts were always on the next camping trip or going to PEI. I was just starting Fundy mode when we decided not to go. I think it would have been harder had we not gone anywhere or done anything this summer. And obviously, that has not been the case. This summer we haven't been home much at all. Jason says the house and the yard are going to pot. He wants to paint the trailer, fix the deck, shingle the baby barn, etc... But I just tell him that's what Fall is for.

We left for PEI last Wednesday morning. The weather was horrible the whole drive. It was very windy and rainy. I think Mom was even more nervous going across the bridge this time. I have to say, even I was a little. For a minute I thought Jason and I might finally see a twister or a water spout. But funny enough, as soon as we got to Millstream,(literally) the sun came out. I'd like to say it stayed out the whole trip, but alas it didn't. In fact the weather wasn't all that great. Actually it was alot like the weather here this week. A complete mix of sun and white clouds, then grey sky - like mother nature just can't make up her mind.

Abby was not on her best behavior. I think, no I know, that she was acting up because Mom was there. The morning of the second day, I was ready to pack up and come home. She was not acting herself at all. And to confess.......I spanked her. I don't believe in spanking, and haven't in I can't remember when. And to slip up and be spanking her while on vacation, just seemed so much more horrible.

That day we went into Cavendish to go to Avonlea Village. I love it there. It's the one tourist attraction we had planned on visiting. But even it didn't do it for me. The store there sells these big all day suckers, and every time we're there the kids each get one. This year Jules opted for a chocolate bar, saying that the suckers were just too big. Smart girl. Samuel and Abby did not agree. Mom took a bite out of Abby's and then she took a fit and didn't want it anymore. She wanted a new one. Grammie, of course, bought her a new one which only lasted another 10 minutes. Abby tripped and her second sucker shattered into a million pieces. So, after buying her a third sucker, we told her that no matter what happened to it, it was the LAST one. This was our third time in a row visiting Avonlea, and I think it was just too many times. We've decided to take a break from it for a few years.

That night, Jason and I went to the Brackley Drive-In Theatre which is just 10 seconds down the road from Millstream. Jules and Samuel opted to stay with Mom, while Abby came with us.(Mom thought she got the better deal) Two movies were playing - "The Bad News Bears" and "War of the Worlds". The drive-in is done in a 50's/60's style. They play all the oldies on their station while you wait for the movie to start. There was even this stage area under the big screen, which I'm not sure if it was allowed or not, had little kids up dancing to the music. Unlike the drive-in in Neguac, this one had outdoor speakers too. There were bleachers and a lot of people bundled up in camp chairs watching the movie. I guess you could go to the drive-in even if you didn't have a car.

After triple-checking on Mom and the kids(Are you sure?) I decided to relax and have a good time. Abby was in her glory being the only child, and she was surprisingly well-behaved given the events earlier in the day. The Bad News Bears was ok, at best. I was very thankful that Jules and Samuel had not come with us. The language those little kids were using! Abby was barely paying attention. Finally it was time for War of the Worlds. Abby had fallen asleep long ago, and since we were so close to the cottages, we decided to put her to bed and then come back. It was late and as we stepped out of the cottage to get into the car, you could actually hear the audio of the movie(no radio!). That's how close we were. We had missed just the opening credits. It was good......or what we seen of it. Three quarters of the way, just at a climatic scene..........the movie breaks!! I couldn't believe it. They had us wait for a little while but finally announced that the movie was destroyed(It was the last night of it playing). We still don't know how it ends. Frustrating!

The next morning when we told Mom, she laughed and laughed. I don't know what it was about Thursday, but it had seemed like everything had gone wrong. So on Friday, I decided that I had been putting way too much pressure on this vacation. I had been looking forward to PEI all year long. I love it there. And to be having a bad time in PEI was breaking my heart. So I decided to stop worrying whether or not Mom was having a good time(which I tend to do) and just relax and enjoy the time I had left there. We ran into Charlottetown for a little shopping and then went swimming. Twice! That night we had a campfire. The kids had made friends with two little girls from Ottawa, who were also leaving the next day. So they had a great time playing with each other outside.

The next morning we were on the road shortly after 8am. Usually I am so sad when it is time to leave, and I was, but this time I had a reason to go home. The Coughlan Family Reunion 2005 was underway in the Rapids, so we had to hurry home.

Just before we got to the bridge, Jules threw up in the car. Chocolate milk and doughnuts - yum! Mom and Jason got out and cleaned her and her seat off. I was stuck on the hump, in the middle. Abby, who had been asleep, woke up only to see Jules's vomit beside her. "UGHHHH! YUCK!", she said. I laughed so hard. It sounded so funny.

When we were back in good ole NB, Abby said she had to pee. We told her to just wait a second, while we exited and found a gas station. The only problem is that there were no exits for quite a while. Abby started sobbing, crying "I'm! Going! To! Pee! Myself!". Finally an exit, and then a gas station. I had to rush Abby in, no time to put on her sandals or anything. But of course there was only one uni-sex washroom.......and it was taken. Then the sound of flushing and a lady immediately opens the door. (Hygiene! Hello!) And the smell.....OH MY GOD!!! But what was worse was that she had left a little bit of herself floating in the flush! AND, Abby had to go soooo bad that I had to let her pee with it staring up at us. UGH! AND she was in her bare feet! AND it still didn't go down when we flushed the flush, AND I had to pee too! The horror of it all! The whole time I was saying "Gross! Gross! Abby don't touch ANYTHING!" When we opened the door there was a man waiting with his child. Plus Mom had brought Jules and Samuel in because they said they had to pee too. Mom later told me that she could hear me saying "Gross! Gross!". And that poor man waiting in line, was probably scared to death.

But at 1pm, we made it home safe and sound. We were only home for approx. 4 hours before we had to leave to go over to Preston and Karen's. I was surprised by how much fun I had. Jason and I played washers with Dad a lot. I could have played it all day. We even participated in a potato sack race. Jason won, of course. Twice. The food was great, as pot lucks always are. That night was fireworks, which was surprisingly good. And a campfire/sing-along. The kids went to bed easily, as they tend to when we go camping. We stayed up til 2am laughing and singing and dancing. I now have great blackmail footage. I was lucky enough to be behind the camera most of the time. The next morning, most of us seemed to feel fine. Except Sherry, who had drank almost a quart of vodka, if I'm not mistaken. She said she could not remember feeling so bad. She had to lay in the trailer for two hours before she could even sit up. There was a huge breakfast with all the fixings which was delicious! Then later that afternoon, for supper, they had a big turkey dinner. Three turkeys. One baked. Two deep-fried. Scrum! The kids were utterly exhausted. They had such a great time! Jules asked if we could live there forever.

Before leaving I finally went into the now empty house. Sad. I took Jason all through it, upstairs and all. I was overwhelmed with memories and disbelief. I still cannot believe they are gone. Saturday night, as I watched the fireworks, I felt like it was them. That they were there shining over their massive family. Mom said she could barely watch them without crying.

All in all, a great and eventful vacation! Now I'm getting primed for Moncton. I'm trying to get as much as I can, out of what is left of the summer.

Well that will have to tide you over, until next time. I've ignored my kids long enough........

I'm In Love!!

Tonight I found a new love........in a weedwhacker! That's right, a weedwhacker. Mom and Dad recently purchased a new super duper one. It's one of those really big ones where you have to harness it to yourself, wear safety glasses and a bright sign that reads "Stay back at least 15 meters". Dad brought it over tonight and I got to try it out. I know you are laughing right now, but I seriously fell in love with it. I'm telling you it's addictive. People should use it for therapy. I mean if you had any anger issues building up,..........just whack, whack, whack! It's awesome. I just traveled around the yard, cutting anything in sight. So far, only one flower casualty. I could have done it all night. Next step.....spacing!