Well my little girl is now officially two years old. I have to say that the party could not have gone better. Abby was wonderful. She loved her tricycle. She didn't want to get off. Almost everyone got her something Dora, so she is set up for a good while. I think because the majority of the party happened outside, where there is lots of room, she didn't feel so shy around everyone. Everyone seemed to have a good time, kids and adults alike. I tried to run things as smooth and as quick as possible. And, everything was running smoothly.........and then there was the fire.

Yes I said fire. But it's not as bad as it sounds. Funny actually. After everything was winding down. The presents were all opened, hot dogs eaten, candles blown, cake cut,....we had the bright idea of giving out sparklers. Just to the older kids, who were being supervised. My husband was lighting them, one at a time, and passing them out to the kids. Then they would walk around looking at them as they burned down. No problems. My son, who is four and a half, passed me his sparkler, which was now burnt out, and said

"I wanted to start a campfire with mine".

Since his was already burned down, I didn't give it a second thought. My friend and I were talking......she was standing up on the deck, next to a empty box which was now filled with wrapping paper. I was down on the grass. We were having a great old say when all of a sudden there was smoke everywhere. The big box, which Abby's little picnic table had come in, was on fire! We all just stared at each other in shock for a moment. Then my husband quickly moved the box onto the ground, ran and got the hose, and starting soaking it with water. Flames were shooting up, Samuel was saying something about his campfire, while all the other kids were asking, "Is that real fire?"

What made it so funny was that just 20 minutes before it happened, I was asking everyone how they thought the party had gone. Everyone agreed it had gone over very well. "Yes, but...", my best friend Christina said, "There's always that one thing that happens". I was like "Shhhhhh...Don't say anything". After the fire, I laughed and said, "Well, I guess this was my thing".

Now the kids are all asleep, my house is a mess yet again, and my feet are killing me. But it was one of those days that I know I will cherish forever.

Right now I am watching the movie "Practical Magic" on television. I think I must have watched this movie at least six or seven times. I don't quite know what it is that makes me love it so much. It's not like it's an oscar worthy drama or anything. I just like the feel of the movie. And the house....ooo I so love that house! It has such great style and character to it. And that Garden!

It's funny. In all of the movies I love to watch over and over again, there is a house, or apartment or store, or room,...that I remember and love every detail to it. In "You've Got Mail", that store of hers...I just love it. The floor, the lighting, the windows, the walls, everything. Oh and her apartment. LOVE IT!! I always liked the idea of living in a city, just so I could live in one of those old brownstone type buildings with those steps. And of course there is the house - the house I would build if I won the lotto - the house Diane and Steve live in in "Father Of The Bride". I have watched that movie and it's sequel countless times just to look at that house. To find some detail I might have missed. I think my favorite room is the kitchen. The butcher block countertops, white cupboards, wood floor, and the French doors. Beautiful. I really loved the kitchen in "Something's Gotta Give". I remember in the theatre, leaning towards my husband whispering, "Do you see that sink?". It was porcelain white and set in the countertop so there is no lip. I guess I have an obsession.

Oh well, the movie's over so time for bed. Every night while I am trying to go to sleep, I will think of my house. That is, the house I will have someday. It has changed many times, but it's heart and style remains the same. Sometimes, I even decorate for the holidays, Christmas, Halloween,...mostly Christmas. Thinking about it relaxes me. It helps to be at peace, not worried about tomorrow, or listing things I have to get done. It clears my mind and helps me to sleep better. A little neurotic? Maybe. But it works. Whenever we do get a house I'll probably become an insomniac.

On Monday, May 31, my baby girl will turn two. Time really does fly. It seems like only yesterday she had just turned one. It's also hard to remember a time when she was not around. I'll never forget that feeling when I saw her for the first time. It was like "Of course that's what you look like". It was instantaneous. That connection. Like I had known her before. I'm sad to say I didn't have that the first time around. It was my first pregnancy and I was having twins. I had to have a C-section because my son was breached. I think I was just so overwhelmed. The feeling was more

"Oh My God! I'm their mother! I'm responsible for someone else's health and well being!"

Of course the bond came later...

Abby McCartney is a Dora the Explorer fanatic! She loves her. For her birthday we bought her a Dora tricycle. I can't wait to give it to her. I don't think she will actually pedal it for quite a while. But now when she is outside playing with her brother and sister, and they are riding around on their bikes, she can sit on hers and pretend. Plus I just know she will love all those colorful Dora decals.

I am throwing my first actual birthday party. Well, kinda. I always have had a party for all of my kids, but they usually just consisted of family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc... The only kids there were my own and my sisters. For Jules and Samuel's fifth birthday, I am going to throw an all out birthday party - games, loot bags, pizza, etc... By then they will be in play school and will have friends to invite. The kids will out number the adults. Sometimes I even think about having a party at the movie theatre or Dairy Queen. But then I think it gets too expensive.

So for Abby's 2nd, I thought I would wean myself into party throwing experience. I have invited six other kids and their parents, who consist of my sister, my best friend, and my cousin. I'm serving hot dogs (easy) to go with the usual cake and ice cream. I decided not to go with any organized games as it is Abby's day and she may find it hard to keep up with the older kids. I'm death on having balloons in the house because of the kids age. I'm so scared that they will bust and someone will choke on a piece. So instead I bought foil balloons (much safer)for decorations and near the end of the party each child will get to take one home. This way I won't constantly worry. Hopefully all will go relatively smooth.

Jason and I went to Kent's again! We didn't talk to Darren this time though, I just ran into the mini-home and took some pictures. We have been back and forth so many times in the last year on when and what kind of house to buy. First it was a bungalow, then a small two storey, then a bungalow, another bungalow, and now it's a mini-home. I always swore that I would never buy a mini-home simply because we now live in a trailer. I also have always wanted a porch across the front of my home and didn't really care for the look of one spanning the whole front of a mini-home. I feel they are just too long. And here I am wanting, dreaming of a mini-home. Ironic. But you should see it. It is beautiful. The only thing is that we will have to wait a few years before getting a basement. But that's ok. That doesn't really bother me as long as we get one in time to build a bedroom for Samuel before he is a teenager. Being the only boy, I assume he will want his own space. But who knows, maybe it will be one or both of the girls who want the basement bedroom.

My Mom was worried if I was settling by buying a mini-home and not a house. But I really do not see it that way. Yes I love the look of a bungalow that has that porch across the front of it. Yes I have longed for a basement for years. But I also love buying groceries and paying my bills. Jason and I just do not have the money or the lifestyle to afford a house. Not as long as we are a one income family. And the dream house is not worth me leaving the kids and going to work. Sure we could wait for another three or four years and then we could probably get a house, but we would also get the bigger mortgage payment. A mini-home just seems to be a perfect match for us and that is fine with me. And I am still getting my porch...not across the whole front, just a little over half.

We should be ordering it next spring. Jason said he could put his name down on a list to work one extra day a week. Then we could buy it right now, but I said no. My friend thought I was crazy, because right now Jason gets three or four days off in a row. So it's just one day, right? It sounds tempting but I don't think it's worth it. The main thing for me has always been that wherever or whatever we live in, that it is a happy place. You get enough stress in life from external things that you have no control over. This is something that is a choice. All we have to do is wait just one more year. Then we will get our new home. And Jason won't have to work overtime every week to do it.

When I was a little girl in school I never really belonged to any organized group. Others in my class belonged to the Girl Guides, Brownies, Boy Scouts, etc... I was never that into sports, either. Well I shouldn't say that. I was into it some in elementary school. I remember being on the nukem ball team in grade 5. It's like volleyball, only you are allowed to catch the ball. I think we even traveled and played against another team, I just can't remember the school. Gretna Green seems to come to mind. Although I loved to play, I didn't enjoy it very well, because it was a team sport. I always had the fear of letting my team down. Whenever I would miss the ball, I would apologize over and over again. Too much pressure.

I remember I loved to run. On Field Day at school, I would always enter those relay races where you had to pass the batond. This too was a team sport but I remember loving the competition and the feeling of running with all of your might. I would race against all the boys in those meter dashes (50m?) and win! What a feeling!!! To beat one of the boys just seemed to feel so much sweeter. Winning really never mattered that much to me though, even then. I just loved how running made me feel. Where did that go? That courage to compete. To put yourself out there. To let the love of participating out weigh the idea of being judged. I think, for me, it stayed in elementary school. I don't remember ever having it after that. Maybe this is true for a lot of us. There are so many things that change when we enter Junior High and then Senior High. I cared more about what people thought of me, than what I thought of myself. A disease I still struggle with to this day.

Whenever that issue comes up, my Mother always says

"Don't be a doormat!"

or even better yet the infamous mantra

"You're a chair! Don't be a chair!"

which refers to an incident in the first grade where my "friend" did not want to get her snow suit wet, so I sat in the snow and she sat on me. I was her chair. I swear I will be 65 years old and my Mom will be in her eighties and she will still bring up the "chair" story.

Now I am the Mother. My kids are four and two years old. The force is very strong with them. I am thinking of signing up my four year old boy and girl (twins) in soccer for the summer. In their age group, they do not play actual games. So there is no real competition, just the love of participating. Who knows? Maybe by watching them I can rediscover it in myself.

I am so excited!!! I just downloaded Hello - PhotoBlogging - all by myself!! I usually don't do anything with the computer without asking someone else like my sister or husband for help first. But I did this one on my own. This blogging stuff isn't as hard as I had thought. I am SO JETSON!!! I think I've coined a new phrase. Now I can show pictures here on my blog. I just added a picture of the kids playhouse that Jason is building. That is what is looks like so far, but it's not done yet. I also added a picture of Jules and Samuel sitting at their table. It's a great photo of them. I think it is one that they will enjoy looking at when they are older. Now I am starting to get excited about blogging.

Today we are having a get together over at my parent's house. I am making a taco salad. It's my new staple. I always used to make pasta salad for everything. Anytime I was going somewhere - that was what I would bring. Then everyone else starting bringing one too. How many pasta salads does one party need? So now I have discovered taco salad. It's very good. I found the recipe on the internet. Here it is.

Easy Taco Salad
1 lb Ground beef
1 pk (1 1/4 oz) taco seasoning
1 md Head lettuce, shredded
2 md Tomatoes, seeded and Chopped
1 c Bottled Catalina dressing
4 c To 5 corn chips, crushed
2 c (8 oz) shredded Cheddar Cheese

It is very easy and tastes really good. It's kinda the lazy taco salad. No sour cream, kidney beans, etc... My Mom keeps saying that it should be heated and used as a side dish or dip for chips, but I'm like "Mom - It's a SALAD!" The only thing to watch for is that you don't mix it all together until you are ready to eat because the chips will get soggy and the lettuce will wilt. Speaking of....I should go and start getting my ready. Will try to blog more often and post more pics.

Jules and Samuel in their new house 

The Kid's Playhouse  

The kid's playhouse so far 

I guess this blogging thing isn't as easy as I thought. I never would have guessed it would be so hard for me to find the time to write in one. But I guess that is just what it is like when you are a stay at home Mom.... well, for me anyway.

A lot of things have happened in the last two weeks, too much to mention really. I watched Survivor and Frasier last night. LOVED that Rupert won!!! And Frasier did it's classic chaos, which always cracks me up. Definitely going to miss that.

I have something to confess.... It pains me to admit this, but I watch Days of Our Lives... and I google spoilers on the net about the show. There I said it. I know, I know, it's the old stereotype come to life, the classic housewife who watches soaps all day long. But I swear it's not like that!!! I don't watch any other soap operas and I don't even watch Days every day. Honest! That serial killer storyline just sucked me in, like it was supposed to I guess. Does anyone else suffer from being a closet Days watcher? I have friends who are...of course they too are all stay at home Mothers, so maybe I shouldn't mention them. Never mind.

Anyway, I just read this morning that "the dead are alive"! For those of you that watch, you will know what I mean. Marlena, Roman,etc... are alive!! This big twist that they keep talking about is supposed to happen the end of next week. They still claim it is not a dream or a virtual reality game. We shall see.

On the family front, my husband is building our kids a play house. It is so cute. It is exactly what I wanted as a child. So now I am living vicariously through. We are going to shingle it and possibly put some sort of siding on it so it will last. It has a little porch on it and even a new window. I LOVE porches!!! I cannot stress how much I love them. I dream about them, day and night. We could probably afford a house sooner if I would just let go of a porch. But I can't, I just can't. Ever since I can remember I wanted one on my house, where I will hang flower baskets, and sit on my porch swing. And don't even get me started on Christmas decorations!!! So I guess even though we can't get a real porch right now, at least we can give one to our kids. I think I am more excited about it than they are. Maybe it is because of their age. I have twin four year olds (boy and girl) and a girl who is just about to turn two. To them, it seems like everyone gets a play house. They love playing in it and are excited about it but I don't think they get how lucky they are. I remember having to walk down the road and play in my cousin's little house. Looking back, man was it small!! But I loved playing in it. They had a little wooden table and chairs....I played in there until I could no longer fit. I guess everyone has at least one toy, that stands out in there mind, that they always wanted as a child and never got. The play house was something I would have loved to have, but us being the imaginative children we were we just built our own. And in many ways, I think that was better. But the toy I wanted for Christmas and never got was the Mop Top Hair Shop. Does anyone remember? It was a play-doh set where you could grow "people's" hair and then cut it or style it. I can still see the commercial and hear the song. Funny how that is. I also always wanted to have a doll house. I used to play with my cousin Carol's whenever we visited. It opened and closed, had a working door bell and the kitchen had black and white tiled floor. To this day I still love black and white tile. My husband and I joked that maybe we would tile the kids playhouse. If we ever did, I know exactly what pattern...

Jason, my husband, took me into their little house the other night to show me something. He had measured the kids heights on one of the walls. I started to tear up. Permanency has always been so important to me. That is the reason why building a house is so important to me...it's not the status of having a new house but the knowledge that this is where I will grow old...these steps are the same steps...these rooms are the rooms. It's picturing the sleepovers in that bedroom, and the Christmas dinners is that kitchen. Our trailer is home, and is fixed up pretty nice if I do say so myself, but I know we are no going to live in it forever and ever amen. And I had always said that it's the little things like measuring the kids heights that you just can't do. Well you could I guess if you were willing to rip it off and keep it when you sell the trailer. I had even tried using one of those paper ruler things you hang on the wall but the kids would just rip it off. So seeing their little names and those numbers by their age just made me feel so happy and sad at the same time.