And I Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night...

Yesterday I was so excited to go to the car auction in Moncton. Mom knocked off work early and came to babysit the kids. We left here shortly after 2pm. The auction didn't start until 6pm, so we had plenty of time to drive to Moncton, register for bidding and give each of the the vans there a thorough once-over before the bidding actually began. I had been concerned about the weather, considering the whole thing takes place outside. I didn't want to freeze to death. But yesterday turned out to be really quite warm, so aside from all the giant puddles, that wasn't a problem.

The problem was that all the vans up for sale were basically a pile of junk. They either had a gazillion miles on them, were leaking fluid of some sort, smoked when you revved them or their transmission was going. And they were fairly new vehicles . I mean 00's, 02's and even an 04'. It was quite disappointing. Ugh! My patience is wearing thin. Our problem was always that we could not afford a van. And now that we actually have the money to buy one, we can't find any. Very frustrating.


Changing the subject,........Monday night it was my turn to check the girls at 3am. In case I have failed to mention it here, we are still checking their blood sugar at least once a night, if not twice. Anyway, I had my alarm set for 3am, but because I was too tired/lazy, I didn't get up to check them until 4am. Abby was 13, so I knew she would be more than fine for the rest of the night. Jules, however, was 5.9. This is where it gets tricky. She could maintain a 5 until she gets up in the morning, like she has in the past. Or she could go low, in which case she would need some juice to bring her up. I decided to let her be and went back to sleep. Then I had a dream........

Jason and I were hosting some kind of party. At first it seemed like our wedding reception but then it switched to being a house warming. Anyway, pretty much everyone we have ever encountered in our lives was at this party. It was an ordinary dream.....and then it turned. It got dark and nightmarish. All of a sudden there were some not-so-nice people there. I knew they had done horrible things to others and now their sights were on me. Switch to I'm over at Mom's house. The kids are supposed to be getting off the bus soon....but no bus...no kids. Then I can hear Samuel screaming for me. He's crying hysterically, but I can't see him anywhere....can just hear him screaming, calling for me. Then some sort of vehicle passes slowly by and they have Jules with them. I lock eyes with her, as she passes the house. My hands are pressed against the window. She looks so scared and is also crying hysterically. There is someone in the house now. I know they have my kids..............And then I wake up.

I awoke with a jerk, my heart in my throat. It felt so real - that panic. But then I started telling myself that it was just a dream, to relax and go back to sleep. My eyelids were very heavy. I was so tired, it would take only half a minute for me to be sound asleep again. But then I remembered Jules. My thoughts argued back and forth. I should go check her. No, you're sooo tired, go to sleep. No, she could be low. Just make yourself get up. And then I remembered the last time I had a nightmare concerning my children.

We were living over at Grammy's house. I had awoke in the night feeling that same panic that I had just felt. The need to check on them was overwhelming. So I went and looked in on them. They were sound asleep. I thought since I was already up I might as well check the girls sugars. Jules was fine but Abby's sugar was quite low. I remember thinking "What if I hadn't woke up?".

This memory made me get up. I looked at the clock. It was 6am. I got the meter and lancet ready, walked into Jules' room, sat on her bed and checked her blood sugar. Something in me knew what it was going to say. The meter beeped. I looked down and sure enough it read 3.7. Jules was low and would need to drink some juice to bring her level up. As I walked out of her room, to go and pour her some juice, I looked upward and said out loud, "Thank you God!". I know that it was him who woke me up. I think I was having a perfectly normal dream and then God switched it to scare me and wake me up. In my dream I could hear Samuel crying but it was Jules' face that I saw, nobody else. I don't think it is a coincidence that the last two times I had a nightmare concerning the well being of my children, I woke up feeling the need to check them and thus discovered that they are low. It's things like these that let me know there is some one out there looking out for us.