My Life In Pictures

I can't seem to take the time to write about the things we are doing, so instead I thought I would share a few photos.

We're getting a puppy! He was only ten days old when this picture was taken. Look how tiny he is! We'll be bringing him home around the 10th or 11th of August.

We participated in the Canada Day Parade again this year. Our little way of thanking everyone for their support. Unfortunately, we lost the sign on my side halfway through. :(

After 3 years of missing her, I finally got to return my island! PEI, that is. I wish I could convey into words how that place makes me feel. Not just the cottages or Avonlea, but the island itself. As soon as we were off the bridge, my eyes started to fill with tears...I could not believe I got to come back. I didn't want to leave. The kids, being older this time, enjoyed it immensely. Especially Abby, who could not remember ever being there. I took 106 pictures...wish I could post them all.

The Anne of Green Gables Country Fair was happening at Avonlea the weekend we were there. This guy would walk around playing his mandolin and singing...

At Avonlea, you can dress up in the old time clothes and get your picture taken for free. You just have to use your own camera. We all did it....but Samuel stole the show! I tried to get him to smile but he was in character. He said he was tired of waiting for the train that would not come. Too cute!

Jason took this pic of me and the kids in the Avonlea gardens. Beautiful! I took a good 20 pictures of the plants and flowers alone!

This past weekend we got to return to Alma, which is just outside the Fundy National Park.

The kids loved walking on the beach in their aqua shoes. Jules collected sea shells in her bucket. (*Notice Abby's "Marilyn" pose* LOL)

This is where we would sit and watch the tide go in and out. It is just yards away from out Motel room door. Very relaxing to listen to the waves and feel the breeze off the water.

One of the many beautiful views....this one was taken when the tide was out.

While we were there, we celebrated Jason's 34th birthday. Happy Birthday Honey!

Pumped

Today is the day. Kids are packed, pumps are packed.....I'm almost packed. This is really happening! Had a moment last night in bed when I realized the date. Today is February 13th. Tomorrow will be one year since Jason was done at Weyerhauser. That was a big change for us. And now, almost one year to the day, here we are embarking on yet another big change. February seems to be a big month for us. :)

Oh well, gotta go finish getting ready. Kids are very excited. The girls are behaving as if they are going away on some sort of vacation.....with their pink pullmans and carrying their purses. Too funny. Samuel is "pumped" to be staying at Grammy's house and that he gets to play with Paulina and Anna all day long, since school was cancelled yet again. What is up with this winter anyway?

Fingers crossed.

And away we go......

The Dawn

Tomorrow is the big day.

Pump day.

Tonight, after bedtime snack, I gave the girls Levemir for what should be the last time. Levemir is the name of their long-acting insulin. It is supposed to last 24 hours and keep their sugars at a good basal rate. However, some people believe that it doesn't last the whole 24 hours, like it is supposed to. Since their diagnosis, over 1 & 1/2 years ago, we have been injecting them with two different types of insulins. Levemir at bedtime and NovoRapid at meal times. NovoRapid is a fast acting insulin that helps to bring their sugars down at meal time...when they are eating carbohydrates. But after tomorrow, when they are on a pump, they will only be getting one type of insulin - fast acting. The pump will be giving them little tiny amounts throughout the day, kind of like an intervenus. And then at mealtime, we will tell the pump how many carbs they have eaten, and it will give them insulin to cover them.

I don't know how well I am doing at describing this. It's hard to explain. Two years ago I didn't know anything about this. I used to think that an insulin pump had to be surgically inserted into the body like a pace maker. I guess I've come a long way.

A few months ago I made friends with a fellow Mom of a diabetic kid. Thank God for her! She is really helping me by answering my questions and reassuring me that everything will be ok. She promises me that we will be in love with the pump before we know it. In other words, it's all good. :) Just the other day, Lisa (my new BFF) was describing to me how she changes her son's sight. I had been under the impression that the needle was the thing that stayed in the belly, under the skin, for 3 days at a time. I believe I even blogged about it in my last entry. Turns out that the needle is only used to insert a teeny, tiny, soft plastic tube. So much better! Technology really is an amazing thing. I don't think I am doing very well at describing the process. Perhaps I will get better once I actually know how to do it myself. LOL. That might help. Did I mention that the needle is only as big as the one we use on their insulin pens? Like 5mm long. Very small. Gone are the days with the long four inch needles and flicking away air bubbles. No big scary needles here.

We have to be at the hospital and have the girls admitted by 9am. Then we should start getting trained on how the pump works and how to use it. Hopefully, by lunch time, we will be hooking the girls up. I'm praying for it to go smoothly. I'm scared that if it doesn't go smooth the first time round, that the girls will change their minds. Especially Abby. However, I've been told that the site change shouldn't really hurt anymore than when I give them insulin in the belly, and they're already used to that. So I remain optimistic. We will stay at the hospital all day tomorrow, all night and will probably come home some time the next morning. Samuel is going to stay at Mom's. He's excited to be having a sleepover of his own.

It's going to change how we do everything....all over again. We'll have to teach Mom plus there's the whole school thing. The teachers and T.A.s will have to be briefed. Sometimes my brain feels like it is going to overflow with thoughts. Hard to harness them.

But it's all good.

Now if I could only get some sleep.......

...and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

I should so be in bed now. Definitely going very soon. Sleepover went well. The kids had a really good time, as I knew they would. Mom got up and checked them at 3am, as I knew she would. Well, the rational part of me knew anyway. The irrational part kept asking her if she wanted me a 3am wake up call. She of course declined. The movie was also very good, as I knew it would(sorry, just seeing how far I can go with this). I'm not sure who is the bigger star in that film - Matt Damon or the director. I just love the cinematography. It makes you feel like you are walking through the streets with him. The sound was really good too, especially this one part where the glass is shattering. Awesome! And of course it had amazing fight sequences. The Bourne Ultimatum....see it,....if you haven't already.

Today was a lovely rainy day. I say that without even a hint of sarcasm. I've always oddly enjoyed rainy days. Gives you permission to stay home and do nothing. And that's pretty much what I did today. Well I did get the kids to give their rooms a thorough cleaning, do a little bit of laundry, and the usual bed making and sweeping....but really nothing major at all. Instead I listened to some Carol King and Otis Redding, slow cooked a roast for supper and watched When Harry Met Sally for probably the hundredth time. Love it! Who cares that I literally know every line they are going to say before they say it. It's a classic. I also got a touch of the (gasp!) Christmas spirit today. I know, I know....I will try not to mention it again. Just sometimes I can't help myself.

Tomorrow we are planning on going across the river to camp for the night, where I will try to remember to "throw it like a Frisbee and aim for the holes", obvious advice courtesy my lovely Aunt Donna.

Before I retire to the boudoir, I must tell a quick story from earlier in the week. Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban was on CBC. Anyone who knows the story knows that the character of Lupin is a werewolf. My husband has a phobia of werewolves. An odd phobia, I know, considering werewolves do not exist, but so it is. Anyway, when the movie, which had some howling werewolves scenes, was over we went to bed. We had the bedroom windows open since it was such a nice night outside. Jason set his alarms and I was writing in my journal when we heard howling. At first I dismissed it as an echo in my mind from the movie. But then the howling happened again...and again....and again. I turned to Jason. We exchanged looks. And he promptly got up out of bed and closed the windows. LOL. The look on his face was priceless. Just thought it was ironic that the coyotes would howl at that exact time.

Stainy Weather

This weather is getting ridiculous. Seriously. It is getting harder and harder not to complain about it ALL the time....and I like rain usually. But come on! Since Summer vacation officially started I don't think we've had one full day of sun. I'm wearing my knitted slippers and cardigan sweaters and it's not even Fall yet, it's barely mid July. I think I can even blame it for forming my recent tea drinking habit. I guess if one had to choose a Summer to have such sucky weather, it should be the one with no vacation plans. There's nothing like forking over money, waiting for months and then having it rain your entire trip. The only excursions we have planned are camping ones, that does not involve investing too much money.

We DO have plans though. Plans that involve bulldozing, topsoil, grass seed, cement tiles, building flower beds, etc... And this rain just isn't helping. Especially to someone who has no patience for waiting, such as myself. For days I waited to stain the porch. The label on the can reads "Do not use if rain is expected in the next 24 hours".

Gee.

Nice.

At this rate I could have been waiting for months.

Nope.

Couldn't do it.

I threw caution to the wind and stained anyway.



And it rained.


Damn.

No harm, no foul. The front steps just need a second coat now. :)

I've continued to stain now for days, weeks even. Any spare moment that I have when the sky does not look like it is about to fall, I've spent staining. I enjoy it. It's therapeutic somehow. It brings me joy. I've stained the railing of the porch white (2 coats), the kids play house white (2 coats), the back step railing white(2 coats) and the porch floor, steps and outer face a wood stain. I've also painted the kids playhouse door, and my rocking chair and table on the porch, a happy shade of yellow. Plus I put one coat of stain on an Adirondack chair.

I've been accused of being a little obsessed.

I still want to stain the floor and stairs of the back step, put one more coat of white on the kids playhouse and stain the floor of it's tiny porch, plus stain both of my Adirondack chairs. I'm also toying with the idea of staining my basement stairs the same as the porch floor.

They are supposed to come today(or yesterday) to bulldoze and bring topsoil. Then the real fun will begin. Kents is delivering my cement tiles for my walk and hemlock ties for my flowerbed tomorrow. That reminds me.....those wooden ties will require stain too. :)


Number of days cloud free - 0
Number of times I said the word "stain" - 12
Feeling I get while working outside - Priceless

Summer Sequel

As I've mentioned before, we are planning on putting Jason's old car in the Canada Day Parade. Yesterday morning, I had a genius idea. Since we're going to be driving through the community very slowly while everyone looks on....what better opportunity to thank said community for their support? Kinda make it into a Team Keenan float, if you will.

I bought some white Bristol board to make signs. Haven't quite decided how to word it yet, but it will be something along the lines of "Team Keenan thanks you for supporting us in the Walk for the Cure". We're all going to wear our JDRF t-shirts and we've already purchased a flag kit for the car. I also bought some sticky-back magnet strips for attaching the signs to the car, so as not to hurt the paint. Very important you know. :)

I told the kids and Jules got very excited. All of this has been very beneficial to her, I think. The story in the paper, the support at the yard sale, participating in the Walk.....it has shown her that people out there really do care. I've never been one to enjoy the limelight...or the spot light...or anything that would draw attention to myself. LOL. But all of that goes out the window when it comes to this. I would never want my little hang ups get in the way. I guess that's just one of the many blessings that has come out of all this....helping me to let go of some of my issues.

Good news! Samuel has decided to join us after all. Of course, only after we promised him candy. LOL. It's all about the food for him, you know. We're still planning on going camping Friday and Saturday night. So far the weather is looking alright. I hope it holds out.

Yesterday Jason and I had the rare opportunity of being in town without the kids. So we grabbed some Dixie Lee Chicken(hadn't eaten there in ages!) and headed over to the Richie Wharf and ate it outside by the water. Lovely! Sitting there under the pagoda(as God is my witness I WILL have one someday!) with the breeze blowing, I was reminded of the island. Oh, how I want to go back there someday! It felt so like Summer. I commented to Jason that it felt like July. You know how July has a feeling? And then, of course, I was reminded of last July.

The last time we were at the Richie Wharf was two days before Jules' diagnosis. Jason's brother was home visiting from Ontario. We had just received our official floor plan of our new house. Life was grand. My stomach turned a little. It's like my reflex is to start mourning all over again. And then I have to remind myself that she's ok. Abby's ok. We're ok. All of this happens in my mind, in the time span of 3 seconds. Then more enjoying the sun, and the breeze and quality time with my husband. Then I spot a tour boat sailing into view. I'm reminded again of that fateful day when Jason's parents and brother and his family took a tour of the river while we waited for them to return. Stomach turns......mourning......we're ok.

I think this will happen a lot to me, and with greater frequency, until the anniversary comes and goes. Last Summer seemed like it was stolen from us. It's like Christmas. You look so forward to it, counting down the days til it's arrival and then it finally comes......and it sucks! You're shocked. You want a do-over. You can't believe you have to wait a whole year til it comes again. This Summer is like our "do-over". We've gone through the ups of downs, trials and tribulations of a whole year with Diabetes, and now we've been rewarded with Summer's arrival. And we're fine. No, better than fine. We're strong.

And life is grand.

Night Shift

One of the only benefits to Jason working nights this week is that I will not have to get up at 3am to check the girls' sugars. I've had to get up Sunday thru Saturday. I getting a wee bit played out. Last night I didn't get up until well after 4am, and then it seems so hard to get back to sleep again. The joys of diabetes.

Another plus to the night shift is that it gives Jason a four day weekend. Woo-hoo! He'll sleep in Friday until 11am or so and then he's not required to work until Tuesday morning. We were thinking of going camping but are torn, considering all the Canada day festivities. We could leave at dinner time on Friday, and come home early Sunday morning, so that we wouldn't miss the parade and annual party at my Aunt's house. But this would mean we would miss the fireworks on Saturday night. Hmmm. We're supposed to gather at Kel's house for the Rock n' Roll fireworks the next week. So maybe the kids wouldn't mind. I guess it will all depend on the weather.

We're planning on being in the parade this year, with all of us in Jason's old car. I figure we might as well, considering we found ourselves in the parade last year. LOL(see archives). Samuel is not at all interested in participating. He would much rather be catching candy then throwing it. Go figure.

The whole family spent the day in town yesterday. Had a detour with Jules at the hospital. Nothing serious, she's fine. I bought Dad his late Father's Day gift, and got myself an Adirondack chair. It's wooden, unstained and lovely! I plan to stain it yellow, so it will stand out on my porch. I still need to finish staining the porch itself but the rain won't let up. I hope to have the white part all done by Canada day.

We ran into a couple we know in Walmart. They pulled us aside to ask us questions about our new house; if we liked it, etc... They also said they had heard how beautiful our house was inside. Wow! It was so bizarre to be on the other end of that conversation. Don't know if I'll ever get used to it.

Schools Out For Summer....Well Almost

Today is the last day that Abby and I will be waiting and watching for the kids to come home from school and get off the bus. Yes there is still school tomorrow, but Abby has a full day of preschool while Jules and Samuel only have a half day. So this is it. Next year it will be just me waiting for the three of them to come home. Very weird and somewhat sad. I'd like to think that I'm not as neurotic as I was when Jules and Samuel started kindergarten....but only Summer will tell. It's hard not to get sad when you know how fast they are growing up.

I am really looking forward to Summer this year, perhaps more than I ever have. Which is strange, considering this is the first year in a long time that Jason has no vacation and we have no plans to travel anywhere. No PEI. No Fundy. We'll be very lucky if we go camping in Moncton. Even luckier to go camping more than twice. Money is beyond tight right now. But still the excitement contentment for Summer is there.

As anyone who has not been living under a rock already knows, we had a hard Summer last year. Very hard. And it had nothing to do with the fact that we weren't going anywhere on vacation. This year the expectations are not as high as previous years. While other Summers were filled with planning trips and scheduled fun family time, this year the only expectation or hope can be described in one word. Calm.

This year I will drink in every minute of this Summer and be grateful for the calmness. The lack of excitement. We had enough excitement last year, thank you.

Super Freak

Got some great news last night. My brother is engaged! Yes I know that they've only been together for five months, but I think this is such a good thing! She is very nice and really seems to care for Lee and he for her. It's great that I don't have to worry about him being alone anymore. I think this is really a 'til death' relationship. They're definitely in it for the long haul. Jules was very excited when I told her, visions of dresses dancing in her head. lol. But she'll have to wait a year or maybe two for the blessed event, since there is no date set as of yet.




In other news, Jason and I drove down to Moncton last Friday evening to retrieve "Do-your-best-Bear", better known to us as "the little bugger". lol. He had been left behind at the motel and was deeply missed by all. Seriously. It was quite dramatic when we realized he was missing. Did wonders for my "Mother guilt". I had phoned the motel Sunday night and was told that he was nowhere to be found. A cousin who went to Moncton on Monday, dropped in and checked for us. Still no bear. So what was a parent to do? Samuel decided if he couldn't have the original he would settle for a duplicate, so onto to the Internet we went, searching for "the little bugger". Turns out that he is a collector's item. Seriously. The only place I could find him where they would ship to Canada was on eBay. So, there we were bidding on a care bear on eBay like those freaks who collect such things, just to have them sit on a shelf or in a glass case. (No offense if you happen to be one).





Late Monday night, the phone rings. It is the motel. They found the bear! Oh joy! Thank you God! I can't wait to tell Samuel in the morning! .........Then it hits me. The auction! As anyone who has ever bid on eBay knows, any bid you make is considered a legally binding contract. You are not allowed to retract it. And since we were so anxious to comfort Samuel, our maximum bid was pretty hefty, ......well, hefty for a teddy bear anyway. So of course we won the auction. (Crap!) I mean, not even the freaks would outbid us! So who is the freak now? lol.



And so it is that right now, somewhere in Utah, another "little bugger" is planning a trip.

Oh well, now we have a spare. :)

Walking On Sunshine

Saturday morning we packed up the family and headed for Moncton. This was the weekend of the walk. We arrived around noon and checked into our motel room. We stayed in the same place as we did when we were down buying the van. It's perfect for us because it has a full kitchen, that way we can bring some of our own food to supplement cost. It also has two double beds and a fold out couch, which we needed since my mother was staying with us. The biggest selling feature of course is the heated indoor pool. The kids couldn't wait to go swimming. All of this for $95 plus tax! Hard to beat that!

We had a quick lunch with the rest of our group(their room wasn't ready) and then we took the kids shopping. Abby was very excited because we were also celebrating her birthday. The stores were mostly crowded, almost annoyingly so. It was hard to keep track of the kids. They were always running off with Mom, Kel or Sher. In the dollar store, I searched for something that all of us could wear to unite our team at the walk. I really would have like to have ball caps, but since it was the dollar store, this was hard to find. We opted instead for pink visors. Pink, of course, because we were representing such girly girls. lol. Maybe we should have done crowns?

After shopping, we ran into DQ and bought Abby her ice cream cake that we promised her. Then it was time for her "party". Everyone gathered in our motel room where we ate take-out, ice cream cake and watched Abby open her presents. She really enjoyed herself. I'm glad that she got to have a special birthday. Samuel is now asking if he can have his next birthday party in Moncton. Ummmm, no! lol. Then it was time to go into the pool. Jason had bought the kids these long plastic water shooters.....not a good idea. I might "accidentally" leave those home next time. It was great to be in the water again. First swim of the season! Later in the evening, we did our usual trek to Value Village. We always seem to go there whenever we are in the city. It might sound sad, but this is how I get clothes. This trip I snatched three pairs of jeans, one pair of shorts and a tee. Not too shabby.

The next morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining. We all ate breakfast together in the motel's little diner. Not feeling like eating the usual fare, I choose the Belgian waffle with strawberries and cream. Heaven! I couldn't finish all of it, it was so big. Then it was time to pack up, check out and don our visors!

JDRF's Walk for the Cure was located in Riverfront Park in downtown Moncton. In other words it's in behind Main Street, along the Petticodiac River. In regards to the walk, I must start by saying that it was one of the most organized events I've ever been to. Awesome! Since we were early, we snagged a picnic table and managed to keep it throughout the entire time. I led my team over to where we submit our pledges. When they saw how much we raised, they gave us a round of applause. Very nice. They also gave me a walk t-shirt, a nice bag and an ipod shuffle! Very nice indeed! My teammates also got a t-shirt, but no ipod. :( An ipod was the incentive prize for any walker who personally earned more than $1000, and since our yardsale profits were on my pledgesheet.....I got the ipod. Oh well, there's always next year girls. lol.

Scattered around the park were activities for kids. There was a jumping castle, some sort of blow-up tunnel castle, an arts and crafts table and the most amazing face painting.

There was also a very efficient BBQ area(no lines!), a snack stand, and coolers everywhere filled with ice cold water, juice and pop. Everything was free! Maybe the best part was the band Cat Sass - freaking awesome! I mean every single song was good. Their music really helped pump everyone up. A hockey player(#26) from the Moncton Wildcats and it's furry mascot were also there getting their pics taken with kids and signing t-shirts.

He signed my shirt, which would probably be more cool if I knew who he was. lol. Abby was not at all impressed with the mascot. She's not that into large fuzzy strangers trying to hug her. Go figure.

At 1:45pm, the band announced that it was picture time and could all the kids with diabetes please come up to the front of the stage to get their picture taken together. My girls were pretty well in the center, with fellow diabetic kids on either side. Just as the kids were finally all situated and smiling for pics, the band starts playing You and Me by Lifehouse. "What day is it.....". They were not 3 notes in and I was crying. I will never be able to hear it again without crying and seeing this image in my head.

Just after this pic was shot, two babies were seated on the right hand side. They were no more than 7-8 months old. It made me cry even harder to know that they too had this disease.

A few sleeve wipes later (I forgot kleenex) and after a very interesting trip with the kids to the port-a-potty, it was time to start the actual walk. We all lined up at the Start sign. Much to my Mom's chagrin, a bagpipe player started to play. And then we were off! The walk did not seem to take too long, 35-45 mins I would say. To Samuel, it was an eternity. lol. Jason carried Abby a lot of the time. Halfway through they had a stand set up with water bottles, where we took a rest so we could check the girls sugars. Then it was time for the home stretch.

This whole experience has helped me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I would recommend it to anyone who has gone through the same situation. I can not begin to describe my emotions as my family neared the finish line. Jason, the kids and I all held hands and stepped across. It was like that finish line represented so much more than just a 5k walk. It was that together, as a family, we had been to hell and back and yet we were not beaten. In fact we were stronger than ever. A moment I will never forget.

Ready for the Walk?

I've been active online much more than usual this week. Blogging, twittering, facebooking, etc... Don't get too used to it, though. As anyone who follows me knows I go through phases. Periods of time where I will blog everyday, or like today - twice a day, followed by weeks of nothing. lol.

I just received an email from the JDRF fundraising coordinator in Moncton. She sent out an email to all team captains to go over some last minute information and instructions. I read the instructions regarding submitting pledges, etc.. and then began reading the schedule of Sunday's events.

12pm – 1:45 pm - Registration (all pledges should be remitted by 1:45 pm)
12pm – 1:45 pm – Live Entertainment by musical band “Cat Sass”, BBQ, refreshments and activities for kids of all ages
1:30 pm – group picture of all children with Juvenile Diabetes (this picture will be used for a Thank You poster after the walk

I started to cry. Just the image of a group of young children gathered together, all smiles, all suffering with Diabetes would have been enough to make me cry back in the day. But now my two beautiful daughters faces will be there too. Too much.

She ended the email with the usual "if you have any questions, please contact me" etc... But then in large letters she wrote:

On Sunday, June 3rd, we WILL WALK TO CURE DIABETES!

And again the waterworks! I'm starting to become anxious about the walk now. If I can't read an email without bawling, how am I going to hold it together on Sunday? I've always known it was going to be an emotional, moving experience. I've just been avoiding thinking about it, I guess. Instead I've focused on the yard sale, Abby's birthday, etc.. But now the walk is upon us and there's no avoiding it any longer. It's one thing to get misty eyed and quite another to convulse uncontrollably. I don't want the kids to have to witness that. lol. Sunglasses are most definitely on the top of my list of things to pack, followed by a box of kleenex.

Not sure if I will be posting again before we leave. Today I'll be busy cutting cake, playing Mario, etc.... and tomorrow I work. Then comes the craze of making sure everything I want to take is clean and laundered, packing, double checking my list(OMG! Must make a list!) and helping the kids pack their bags. So, yeah I might not be back. But I'll be sure to take lots of pics which I will post and/or flickr. That is if I can stop crying long enough. ;)

The Big Number 5

Tomorrow is Abby's 5th birthday. Hard to believe. I hate to type such an over-used line but.., time really does fly by. It's not that it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby, it's more that it seems like only yesterday she was 3. And now today is her last day of being 4. This just reminded me of a childhood memory. I am about to turn 10. We're down in the basement playing or doing something or other when Sherry turns to me and in an "impending doom" kind of voice says "Today is your last day of being 9. Tomorrow - double digits! You'll never be a single digit again!". It worked. Looking back it is so ridiculous to get depressed about turning 10! But yet I did. Kinda gives you a sad look into my psyche, doesn't it? It's like even at such a young age, I knew how fleeting life was. Or how being a kid is such an important time. Therapy anyone? lol. It's not Sherry's fault. When it comes to guilt or anything sentimental, I'm a very easy target. Who else could mourn being a single digit? lol.

......But I digress.

We've decided not to have a stereotypical birthday party for Abby on Thursday. She's not much for large groups of kids anyway. On Jules and Samuel's birthday, she hid the entire time in my bedroom. "Too many kids" she'd say. Instead we're going to celebrate her big number 5 in Moncton. We're going there this weekend for the JDRF walk. That way we can go swimming in the pool, get her an ice cream cake from DQ, and do who knows what else. Tomorrow I'm still going to make pancakes for breakfast(tradition on birthdays), bake her a cake and give her one present. But I've asked everyone else to save their presents to give to her on Saturday.

When Jules and Samuel turned 5, their last birthday before starting school, I had a big party at the bowling alley. I always swore that I would do something just as big for Abby's fifth. Unfortunately, the money just isn't there this time. Times have changed. It may sound bad, but by going to Moncton for her birthday(something we were going to do anyway) whatever we end up doing, I can tell her it is to celebrate her. Which let's face it, is not that far off. Sure it's not really just to celebrate her birthday, but the fact of the matter is, the reason we are going to Moncton is for her and her sister Jules. To raise funds and awareness for diabetic research and to expose them to more people their age who suffer from this disease. So, on Saturday, if she happens to go in the pool with her cousins - Happy Birthday! If we happen to go to the movies or to a mall - Happy Birthday! If we happen to eat out at a restaurant - Happy Birthday! What's the harm if it helps to make her feel that her birthday is special?

Because it is.

Happy Birthday Baby! Hope you have a great day!

You Are My Sunshine....

Yesterday the weather was beautiful. It's about time! Abby and I sat out on the porch to watch the kids get on the bus and even that early in the morning, there was no chill in the air. Love it!

We put the tent trailer up, which is always exciting. But this year it was a bit more emotional. The last time it had been up was when Abby got diagnosed. We had been camping in Daigle and had to pack up quickly to get to the hospital. I'm usually really good with having it all clean and ready to set for the winter, but under the circumstances, I never got around to it. So when we walked into it, I was sad to see the condition it was in. Needless to say I have my work cut out for me. I think once I have it all clean, then I will be ok. It's so silly, but just knowing where that dirt came from bothers me. I'm suddenly taken back to that day. It is August 12th. Jason is gone to find a local drugstore to buy urine strips. We know we have to dip Abby's urine to see if there is any sugar in it. It is a gorgeous sunny morning. I sit on the picnic table and take pictures of the kids playing in the playground. I know. I don't want it to be true, but inside I know it is. I stare at Abby as she smiles at me and laughs. She has no idea.

Yes. I need to clean the trailer out. To wash away the past and start fresh. It will be a good summer this year. Full of camping trips and swimming pools and sunny days. Maybe we'll even make it to Fundy. I had all intention of cleaning it out today, since it is supposed to be nice again. But I just got called to go into work. So now it will be my project for the weekend, I guess.

Oh Happy Day!

Something wonderful has happened. I've been meaning to blog about it but I've been too busy and quite frankly, too happy to take the time to write a post about it.

Jason got a job!

Today was his first day working in the Doaktown mill.

Woo-hoo!

He had responded to their want ad a month or so ago. Since then he has gone for testing, an interview and a pre-employment medical. And then Thursday, the very day that our medical benefits ran out, they called to ask him to start on Monday morning. Thank you God!

So in three months we should have medical benefits again. Plus they don't usually run their mill on the weekends, so that means Jason should have every weekend off! I think they usually work a week of days and a week of nights. Monday-Friday and Sunday night-Thursday night. But I think their night shift actually ends at something like 3am, so it's not even a full night. So in the summer when we want to go camping, we could still go if Jason was working nights. In fact it might even be better, because we could leave so much earlier on Friday. I think they even close for holidays, I'm not sure. If they did, they would be amazing! I definitely know they close down for Christmas. That was always a concern at Weyerhaeuser, the whole working Christmas thing. Jason had to do that one year and it really sucked.

This whole Monday to Friday mentality is new to us. He always worked 4 on/4off. We were lucky enough that he didn't have to work nights, just the odd time covering for someone. It was nice having him off some days during the week, for doctors appointments, etc... But it was also sucky that sometimes when everyone else was off (ie/ long weekends, holidays, etc.) that he had to go to work. I'm excited that now our whole family will be on the same schedule, since the kids are in school and when I work it's at the school. Weekends will mean so much more to us now.

Right now his job is on a "call-in" basis. But they told him that everyone else who is on call-in is working full time hours. So I pray that he can work full-time too. He is keeping his EI claim open just in case. That way if he only gets two days work one week, he may be able to get EI to cover the other three days.

I hope he is having a good first day. I know it is silly, but I miss him. He's been home since the middle of February, so we got used to having him here with us everyday.

The Mother Of All Blog Posts

So much has happened in the last while, I don't quite know where to start. Maybe I'll do the whole chronological thing. That seems to be the easiest way. Ok. Here go.

Friday, March 16th - I worked at the school from 8:30am - 3:00pm. I was covering for Linda. Actually had to serve for the first time. Which means that I was the one you remember in the cafeteria who would ask you what you wanted, put the food on the plate, and hand it to you. I was a little nervous, especially with high school kids and the teachers. It was just hard to judge at first, how much to give everyone. I was scared of running out of things. But over all, I actually didn't mind it at all. I think I might even like it once I got used to doing it all the time.

When I got home from work, Jason told me about a van that was for sale in Moncton. He had been talking to the guy on the phone a couple of times and was convinced that this could be the van for us. So being the spontaneous people that we are, we booked a room at the Beacon Light, packed our bags and headed to Moncton with the kids. There was a winter storm warning so we thought it best to stay the night then to try to drive back home again.


The van is a 1998 Pontiac Montana. It's in great shape. We took it for a test drive and told the man that we did indeed want to buy it. Yippee! We finally found our van.





The room we got at the Beacon Light was amazing. It was $95/night. It was in the new building that has the pool in it. It had a bedroom with two double beds in it and it's own television. Then there was a kitchen/living room that had a large flat screen television, table and chairs, a sofa bed, a new regular sized fridge and stove and microwave, 4-slice toaster and coffee maker. Plus the cupboards were filled with dishes, silverware, pots and pans, dish towels, etc... It reminded me of a cottage. They just simply requested that you wash your dishes before leaving. I thought it was a pretty amazing motel room for only $95/night. The kids did too.

Saturday, March 18th - We woke up Saturday morning to messy roads and freezing rain. Decided that since we were spending less on a van than we thought, that hey! might as well stay another night in Monkey town. Only problem was that the room we were staying in was already booked. So we had to switch to a smaller room, but no big. Took the kids to the mall and let them pick out one toy at Toys R Us. I got myself a new purse and a pair of jeans at Value Village. Ate supper at Heinz restaurant. Very good food.

Sunday, March 19th - Checked out of motel and headed for home. It was sunny, very nice for driving. Looked like Spring, especially close to Moncton where they have absolutely NO SNOW! (pigs!) When we were driving past a house in Chelmsford, I remembered how it had almost burned down once. (here's where you won't believe me) It had extensive damage inside. I remember them having trouble getting the smell out. So then, my mind started drifting and thinking of other houses I knew that had caught fire. Marilyn and Norman's house did. Lyle's. Bliss and Marilyn's almost did. I remember Valerie and Leslie's almost did during the great forest fire. Of course, these thoughts were only going on in my head. I almost mentioned it out loud to Jason, but didn't. Then we arrive home.


We're backing into my driveway, when my cell phone rings. It's Mom. Jason says something like, "Geez, they didn't wait long to call", considering we are literally just getting home. I answer and then Mom says. "Did anybody get a hold of you?". My stomach turns. This never seems to be a good way to start a conversation. Then she says "I don't know how you're going to tell Jason...". Again. Not good. Jason actually hears Mom say this line and assumes his father has died. I see a look on his face that sadly I know I will see again someday. "Margaret and Gerdie's house burnt down this morning." Oh my God! Jason looks at me asking what happened to his Dad. The kids start asking questions. I put on a sing song voice and tell the kids they are going over to visit with Grammy. We drop the kids off. I tell Jason. He is shocked but relieved that everyone is ok.


We drive up there to see how his parents are doing. They are, of course, in shock. It took no time at all for their home to go from this...............to this.

We get them to spend the night at our house. We give them our bed, put Samuel in with the girls and Jason and I take Samuel's bed. Jason makes jokes about sleeping with Star Wars characters...again. His parents are doing ok. They have literally lost everything, but are ok. No body gets any sleep.

Monday, March 19th - We get up earlier than normal. The kids are excited to have Nanny and Grandad here for a sleepover. I had told them about the house yesterday afternoon. They took the news ok as soon as they found out that everyone was alright. Samuel seems to be the one who takes it the hardest. He always does. He's the sentimental one. Like me. We get Jules and Samuel off to school. Then the rest of us head for town and then Moncton, again. The insurance company had cut them a cheque so they could go and buy some clothes and the essentials. We also needed to pick up our van and get the registration changed over, etc.. We part ways in the afternoon and drive our new van home. Very nice, but too tired to care right now.

I get home just in time to change my clothes and go to our annual PSSC dinner in town. Sherry picks me up. Jason is on the committee this year too, but for obvious reasons, does not attend. It is held at the Kins Centre around the square. I have not been there since my wedding reception. Food is actually good this year. So much better than last year. Best salad ever! While I was gone, Jason had taken the kids up to see the rubble. I was kinda upset that he did this at first, especially since I wasn't there with them. But Jules and Abby seem to be ok. They are sad for them but excited too for them to get a new home. Samuel of course, cries a lot. We decide to let them take the day off from school tomorrow. Margaret and Gerdie have now moved into an apartment in the basement of his brother's house. This is where they will stay until they move back home. Jason goes and helps them move their new things into their new place of residence.

Tuesday, March 20th - We get to sleep in a little since the kids are taking the day off. We catch up on some much needed laundry and then take the kids up to see where they are staying. It's small but very nice. Margaret says it is all she would ever need.

Wednesday, March 21st - Kids return to school, much to their dismay. We travel to town to pay some bills and check out some used mini-homes that are for sale. We look at three. The first one is quite seedy, second one needs work, but the third one is awesome! Perhaps a little pricey, but awesome just the same.

Thursday, March 22nd - Today is the Teddy Bear's Picnic at school. This is where all the kids who are going to start kindergarten in the Fall, go and are pretty much tested to see where they stand academically. Kinda nerve wracking for me, but Abby thoroughly enjoyed herself. She got to go on the bus for the first time. Jason hung out in the gym where Abby was, just for diabetic reasons. I went upstairs with the other parents to listen to some speakers. The first one was the district health nurse. She, of course, talked about healthy eating habits for our children. Then came up the subject of diabetes. How type 2 can now be found in children as young as 9 years old. She went on and on. How when you have diabetes, amputation is your future. Amputation! How ours will be the first generation to have the parents outlive their children. I felt myself sinking lower and lower in my chair. I could feel the pity from the other parents who knew that my child had diabetes. Sure they have type 1. It was not poor lifestyle choices that gave them diabetes, but still.....they have it just the same. After this lovely experience, I was cheered up by the fact that Abby had such a good time. A little birdie whispered in my ear that she did a great job. No problems at all. Way to go Abby! It was time for her to eat, so we took her up to the cafeteria to see Grammy. The three of us grabbed a table. I got a few glances from students who were probably seeing me for the first time without my apron on. Abby was excited to see Grace. Since September she has been saying that she didn't want to go to the big school, just Clora's preschool. But while she was sitting in the cafeteria, she asked if she could start going there every day.

That night, I sat down to watch my favorite show Grey's Anatomy". And sure enough, one storyline was about diabetes. A workaholic man had neglected to come in about his foot and ended up having to get it amputated. Seriously. Son of a bitch! Needless to say, watching this and hearing the health nurse's voice in my head, I started to literally have a panic attack on the couch. And I do mean literally. Jason said that I couldn't worry about when the kids are grown. That it was too far in the future. I shot back that sorry, worrying about it was something that I definitely could do. Sometimes it's the only thing.

Friday, March 23rd - Back to work at the school. This time just my regular 8:30am-1:30pm shift. Still recovering from last night's anxiety. But good news! Doaktown mill is hiring. Upon seeing this in the paper, Jason immediately emailed them his resume. Here's hoping he gets hired on. Fingers crossed. Toes too. Ended up having a pretty relaxing evening. Jason down in the basement playing PlayStation with the kids. Me sitting at counter doing cross stitching and listening to Billie Holiday. All is well in my world again.

Saturday, March 24th - Totally caught up on housework. Long time coming. Margaret and Gerdie brought KFC for supper. They were in town looking at another mini-home. This one looks promising. After supper, Jason, kids and I hop in the van to go to town for a drive. It is our first experience having a CD player in our car.(I know!) Awesome! I burned a CD with all the songs that the kids love to listen to. Here is the song list.

*Note: Not really kids music at all. :)

1. Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
2. Real Gone - Sheryl Crowe
3. Route 66 - John Mayer
4. Life Could be a Dream - The Chords
5. The Sweetest Escape - Gwen Stefani
6. Wind it Up - Gwen Stefani
7. Sexyback - Justin Timberlake
8. Hung-Up - Madonna
9. Sorry - Madonna
10. Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi
11. Jackson - Reese Witherspoon & Joaquin's Phoenix
12. Butterfly - Crazytown
13. 100 years - Five for Fighting
14. I'm Alive - Celine Dion
15. Part of Your World - Little Mermaid Soundtrack
16. Look Through My Eyes - Phil Collins
17. Follow Her Around - Jimmy Rankin
18. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
19. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
20. I Want to Hold Your Hand - The Beatles

Jason's parents had given us some money to buy the kids something for Easter. I chose to buy them new sneakers because they could really use a pair. So they each got to pick a pair out. Plus they each had saved some change and got to spend it at the Dollarstore. God Bless the Dollarstore!

Sunday, March 25th - Jules woke us up for first time to tell us she was feeling "low". Checked Abby and she was low too. Couldn't have had enough carbs at bedtime lunch. Today was Christina's son Patrick's birthday. She was having a little get-together. Took kids. They had a great time. Talked to Trish. Hadn't seen her in awhile. Things are going very well between her and her boyfriend. Do I hear wedding bells? Just kidding Trish. :) Samuel finished reading his school book. At the end the dog died. Very sad. Lovely.

Monday, March 26th - Kids off to school again. I took the van and went to town to get some groceries. Damn I love that van! Pretty freaking awesome! I also did the whole Easter thing. This year it seems to be a bit more challenging finding things that the Easter Bunny can leave in plastic eggs hidden around the house. Felt like I didn't get the kids enough. I feel like this every year. Here, the Easter Bunny always does them up a basket filled with things from the Dollarstore. And he hides eggs. That's it. I mean he's not freaking Santa Claus! Must ignore stories of what he brings other children.

And that brings us to today. Jason is gone off to wash the van and dump off a massive load of recycling. It was seriously getting out of hand in the basement. Wow! I don't think I have written such a long blog post - ever! It took me two drafts to do it, .........but there it is.

And I Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night...

Yesterday I was so excited to go to the car auction in Moncton. Mom knocked off work early and came to babysit the kids. We left here shortly after 2pm. The auction didn't start until 6pm, so we had plenty of time to drive to Moncton, register for bidding and give each of the the vans there a thorough once-over before the bidding actually began. I had been concerned about the weather, considering the whole thing takes place outside. I didn't want to freeze to death. But yesterday turned out to be really quite warm, so aside from all the giant puddles, that wasn't a problem.

The problem was that all the vans up for sale were basically a pile of junk. They either had a gazillion miles on them, were leaking fluid of some sort, smoked when you revved them or their transmission was going. And they were fairly new vehicles . I mean 00's, 02's and even an 04'. It was quite disappointing. Ugh! My patience is wearing thin. Our problem was always that we could not afford a van. And now that we actually have the money to buy one, we can't find any. Very frustrating.


Changing the subject,........Monday night it was my turn to check the girls at 3am. In case I have failed to mention it here, we are still checking their blood sugar at least once a night, if not twice. Anyway, I had my alarm set for 3am, but because I was too tired/lazy, I didn't get up to check them until 4am. Abby was 13, so I knew she would be more than fine for the rest of the night. Jules, however, was 5.9. This is where it gets tricky. She could maintain a 5 until she gets up in the morning, like she has in the past. Or she could go low, in which case she would need some juice to bring her up. I decided to let her be and went back to sleep. Then I had a dream........

Jason and I were hosting some kind of party. At first it seemed like our wedding reception but then it switched to being a house warming. Anyway, pretty much everyone we have ever encountered in our lives was at this party. It was an ordinary dream.....and then it turned. It got dark and nightmarish. All of a sudden there were some not-so-nice people there. I knew they had done horrible things to others and now their sights were on me. Switch to I'm over at Mom's house. The kids are supposed to be getting off the bus soon....but no bus...no kids. Then I can hear Samuel screaming for me. He's crying hysterically, but I can't see him anywhere....can just hear him screaming, calling for me. Then some sort of vehicle passes slowly by and they have Jules with them. I lock eyes with her, as she passes the house. My hands are pressed against the window. She looks so scared and is also crying hysterically. There is someone in the house now. I know they have my kids..............And then I wake up.

I awoke with a jerk, my heart in my throat. It felt so real - that panic. But then I started telling myself that it was just a dream, to relax and go back to sleep. My eyelids were very heavy. I was so tired, it would take only half a minute for me to be sound asleep again. But then I remembered Jules. My thoughts argued back and forth. I should go check her. No, you're sooo tired, go to sleep. No, she could be low. Just make yourself get up. And then I remembered the last time I had a nightmare concerning my children.

We were living over at Grammy's house. I had awoke in the night feeling that same panic that I had just felt. The need to check on them was overwhelming. So I went and looked in on them. They were sound asleep. I thought since I was already up I might as well check the girls sugars. Jules was fine but Abby's sugar was quite low. I remember thinking "What if I hadn't woke up?".

This memory made me get up. I looked at the clock. It was 6am. I got the meter and lancet ready, walked into Jules' room, sat on her bed and checked her blood sugar. Something in me knew what it was going to say. The meter beeped. I looked down and sure enough it read 3.7. Jules was low and would need to drink some juice to bring her level up. As I walked out of her room, to go and pour her some juice, I looked upward and said out loud, "Thank you God!". I know that it was him who woke me up. I think I was having a perfectly normal dream and then God switched it to scare me and wake me up. In my dream I could hear Samuel crying but it was Jules' face that I saw, nobody else. I don't think it is a coincidence that the last two times I had a nightmare concerning the well being of my children, I woke up feeling the need to check them and thus discovered that they are low. It's things like these that let me know there is some one out there looking out for us.

The Search Continues

The trip to Moncton went well, but still no van. There were a ton for sale....just not in our price range. A little bit discouraging, but now it's off to the auction! Or rather on Wednesday, we'll be off to the auction. I'm excited, actually, to go. We went to the one in Fredericton last year, on the hunt for a little beater, for Jason to drive to work. We had nearly no funds at the time, and thus did not purchase anything. There were a lot of vans at that one. I remember walking around, looking at them, sitting in them, wishing that one day we could buy such a vehicle. And now, we can! Or at least I hope too. It should be quite cool going to an auction this time - with money! Now all we need is the right van to bid on....and no one to out bid us. So stay home people!!

Road Trip

We're off to Moncton to look for vans......Kids too.....Just decided....Hey we're nothing if not spontaneous......Borrowing Jason's parent's car for the trip.....Gotta go...Wish us luck!