Summer Sequel

As I've mentioned before, we are planning on putting Jason's old car in the Canada Day Parade. Yesterday morning, I had a genius idea. Since we're going to be driving through the community very slowly while everyone looks on....what better opportunity to thank said community for their support? Kinda make it into a Team Keenan float, if you will.

I bought some white Bristol board to make signs. Haven't quite decided how to word it yet, but it will be something along the lines of "Team Keenan thanks you for supporting us in the Walk for the Cure". We're all going to wear our JDRF t-shirts and we've already purchased a flag kit for the car. I also bought some sticky-back magnet strips for attaching the signs to the car, so as not to hurt the paint. Very important you know. :)

I told the kids and Jules got very excited. All of this has been very beneficial to her, I think. The story in the paper, the support at the yard sale, participating in the Walk.....it has shown her that people out there really do care. I've never been one to enjoy the limelight...or the spot light...or anything that would draw attention to myself. LOL. But all of that goes out the window when it comes to this. I would never want my little hang ups get in the way. I guess that's just one of the many blessings that has come out of all this....helping me to let go of some of my issues.

Good news! Samuel has decided to join us after all. Of course, only after we promised him candy. LOL. It's all about the food for him, you know. We're still planning on going camping Friday and Saturday night. So far the weather is looking alright. I hope it holds out.

Yesterday Jason and I had the rare opportunity of being in town without the kids. So we grabbed some Dixie Lee Chicken(hadn't eaten there in ages!) and headed over to the Richie Wharf and ate it outside by the water. Lovely! Sitting there under the pagoda(as God is my witness I WILL have one someday!) with the breeze blowing, I was reminded of the island. Oh, how I want to go back there someday! It felt so like Summer. I commented to Jason that it felt like July. You know how July has a feeling? And then, of course, I was reminded of last July.

The last time we were at the Richie Wharf was two days before Jules' diagnosis. Jason's brother was home visiting from Ontario. We had just received our official floor plan of our new house. Life was grand. My stomach turned a little. It's like my reflex is to start mourning all over again. And then I have to remind myself that she's ok. Abby's ok. We're ok. All of this happens in my mind, in the time span of 3 seconds. Then more enjoying the sun, and the breeze and quality time with my husband. Then I spot a tour boat sailing into view. I'm reminded again of that fateful day when Jason's parents and brother and his family took a tour of the river while we waited for them to return. Stomach turns......mourning......we're ok.

I think this will happen a lot to me, and with greater frequency, until the anniversary comes and goes. Last Summer seemed like it was stolen from us. It's like Christmas. You look so forward to it, counting down the days til it's arrival and then it finally comes......and it sucks! You're shocked. You want a do-over. You can't believe you have to wait a whole year til it comes again. This Summer is like our "do-over". We've gone through the ups of downs, trials and tribulations of a whole year with Diabetes, and now we've been rewarded with Summer's arrival. And we're fine. No, better than fine. We're strong.

And life is grand.

Walking On Sunshine

Saturday morning we packed up the family and headed for Moncton. This was the weekend of the walk. We arrived around noon and checked into our motel room. We stayed in the same place as we did when we were down buying the van. It's perfect for us because it has a full kitchen, that way we can bring some of our own food to supplement cost. It also has two double beds and a fold out couch, which we needed since my mother was staying with us. The biggest selling feature of course is the heated indoor pool. The kids couldn't wait to go swimming. All of this for $95 plus tax! Hard to beat that!

We had a quick lunch with the rest of our group(their room wasn't ready) and then we took the kids shopping. Abby was very excited because we were also celebrating her birthday. The stores were mostly crowded, almost annoyingly so. It was hard to keep track of the kids. They were always running off with Mom, Kel or Sher. In the dollar store, I searched for something that all of us could wear to unite our team at the walk. I really would have like to have ball caps, but since it was the dollar store, this was hard to find. We opted instead for pink visors. Pink, of course, because we were representing such girly girls. lol. Maybe we should have done crowns?

After shopping, we ran into DQ and bought Abby her ice cream cake that we promised her. Then it was time for her "party". Everyone gathered in our motel room where we ate take-out, ice cream cake and watched Abby open her presents. She really enjoyed herself. I'm glad that she got to have a special birthday. Samuel is now asking if he can have his next birthday party in Moncton. Ummmm, no! lol. Then it was time to go into the pool. Jason had bought the kids these long plastic water shooters.....not a good idea. I might "accidentally" leave those home next time. It was great to be in the water again. First swim of the season! Later in the evening, we did our usual trek to Value Village. We always seem to go there whenever we are in the city. It might sound sad, but this is how I get clothes. This trip I snatched three pairs of jeans, one pair of shorts and a tee. Not too shabby.

The next morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining. We all ate breakfast together in the motel's little diner. Not feeling like eating the usual fare, I choose the Belgian waffle with strawberries and cream. Heaven! I couldn't finish all of it, it was so big. Then it was time to pack up, check out and don our visors!

JDRF's Walk for the Cure was located in Riverfront Park in downtown Moncton. In other words it's in behind Main Street, along the Petticodiac River. In regards to the walk, I must start by saying that it was one of the most organized events I've ever been to. Awesome! Since we were early, we snagged a picnic table and managed to keep it throughout the entire time. I led my team over to where we submit our pledges. When they saw how much we raised, they gave us a round of applause. Very nice. They also gave me a walk t-shirt, a nice bag and an ipod shuffle! Very nice indeed! My teammates also got a t-shirt, but no ipod. :( An ipod was the incentive prize for any walker who personally earned more than $1000, and since our yardsale profits were on my pledgesheet.....I got the ipod. Oh well, there's always next year girls. lol.

Scattered around the park were activities for kids. There was a jumping castle, some sort of blow-up tunnel castle, an arts and crafts table and the most amazing face painting.

There was also a very efficient BBQ area(no lines!), a snack stand, and coolers everywhere filled with ice cold water, juice and pop. Everything was free! Maybe the best part was the band Cat Sass - freaking awesome! I mean every single song was good. Their music really helped pump everyone up. A hockey player(#26) from the Moncton Wildcats and it's furry mascot were also there getting their pics taken with kids and signing t-shirts.

He signed my shirt, which would probably be more cool if I knew who he was. lol. Abby was not at all impressed with the mascot. She's not that into large fuzzy strangers trying to hug her. Go figure.

At 1:45pm, the band announced that it was picture time and could all the kids with diabetes please come up to the front of the stage to get their picture taken together. My girls were pretty well in the center, with fellow diabetic kids on either side. Just as the kids were finally all situated and smiling for pics, the band starts playing You and Me by Lifehouse. "What day is it.....". They were not 3 notes in and I was crying. I will never be able to hear it again without crying and seeing this image in my head.

Just after this pic was shot, two babies were seated on the right hand side. They were no more than 7-8 months old. It made me cry even harder to know that they too had this disease.

A few sleeve wipes later (I forgot kleenex) and after a very interesting trip with the kids to the port-a-potty, it was time to start the actual walk. We all lined up at the Start sign. Much to my Mom's chagrin, a bagpipe player started to play. And then we were off! The walk did not seem to take too long, 35-45 mins I would say. To Samuel, it was an eternity. lol. Jason carried Abby a lot of the time. Halfway through they had a stand set up with water bottles, where we took a rest so we could check the girls sugars. Then it was time for the home stretch.

This whole experience has helped me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I would recommend it to anyone who has gone through the same situation. I can not begin to describe my emotions as my family neared the finish line. Jason, the kids and I all held hands and stepped across. It was like that finish line represented so much more than just a 5k walk. It was that together, as a family, we had been to hell and back and yet we were not beaten. In fact we were stronger than ever. A moment I will never forget.

Ready for the Walk?

I've been active online much more than usual this week. Blogging, twittering, facebooking, etc... Don't get too used to it, though. As anyone who follows me knows I go through phases. Periods of time where I will blog everyday, or like today - twice a day, followed by weeks of nothing. lol.

I just received an email from the JDRF fundraising coordinator in Moncton. She sent out an email to all team captains to go over some last minute information and instructions. I read the instructions regarding submitting pledges, etc.. and then began reading the schedule of Sunday's events.

12pm – 1:45 pm - Registration (all pledges should be remitted by 1:45 pm)
12pm – 1:45 pm – Live Entertainment by musical band “Cat Sass”, BBQ, refreshments and activities for kids of all ages
1:30 pm – group picture of all children with Juvenile Diabetes (this picture will be used for a Thank You poster after the walk

I started to cry. Just the image of a group of young children gathered together, all smiles, all suffering with Diabetes would have been enough to make me cry back in the day. But now my two beautiful daughters faces will be there too. Too much.

She ended the email with the usual "if you have any questions, please contact me" etc... But then in large letters she wrote:

On Sunday, June 3rd, we WILL WALK TO CURE DIABETES!

And again the waterworks! I'm starting to become anxious about the walk now. If I can't read an email without bawling, how am I going to hold it together on Sunday? I've always known it was going to be an emotional, moving experience. I've just been avoiding thinking about it, I guess. Instead I've focused on the yard sale, Abby's birthday, etc.. But now the walk is upon us and there's no avoiding it any longer. It's one thing to get misty eyed and quite another to convulse uncontrollably. I don't want the kids to have to witness that. lol. Sunglasses are most definitely on the top of my list of things to pack, followed by a box of kleenex.

Not sure if I will be posting again before we leave. Today I'll be busy cutting cake, playing Mario, etc.... and tomorrow I work. Then comes the craze of making sure everything I want to take is clean and laundered, packing, double checking my list(OMG! Must make a list!) and helping the kids pack their bags. So, yeah I might not be back. But I'll be sure to take lots of pics which I will post and/or flickr. That is if I can stop crying long enough. ;)

The Big Number 5

Tomorrow is Abby's 5th birthday. Hard to believe. I hate to type such an over-used line but.., time really does fly by. It's not that it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby, it's more that it seems like only yesterday she was 3. And now today is her last day of being 4. This just reminded me of a childhood memory. I am about to turn 10. We're down in the basement playing or doing something or other when Sherry turns to me and in an "impending doom" kind of voice says "Today is your last day of being 9. Tomorrow - double digits! You'll never be a single digit again!". It worked. Looking back it is so ridiculous to get depressed about turning 10! But yet I did. Kinda gives you a sad look into my psyche, doesn't it? It's like even at such a young age, I knew how fleeting life was. Or how being a kid is such an important time. Therapy anyone? lol. It's not Sherry's fault. When it comes to guilt or anything sentimental, I'm a very easy target. Who else could mourn being a single digit? lol.

......But I digress.

We've decided not to have a stereotypical birthday party for Abby on Thursday. She's not much for large groups of kids anyway. On Jules and Samuel's birthday, she hid the entire time in my bedroom. "Too many kids" she'd say. Instead we're going to celebrate her big number 5 in Moncton. We're going there this weekend for the JDRF walk. That way we can go swimming in the pool, get her an ice cream cake from DQ, and do who knows what else. Tomorrow I'm still going to make pancakes for breakfast(tradition on birthdays), bake her a cake and give her one present. But I've asked everyone else to save their presents to give to her on Saturday.

When Jules and Samuel turned 5, their last birthday before starting school, I had a big party at the bowling alley. I always swore that I would do something just as big for Abby's fifth. Unfortunately, the money just isn't there this time. Times have changed. It may sound bad, but by going to Moncton for her birthday(something we were going to do anyway) whatever we end up doing, I can tell her it is to celebrate her. Which let's face it, is not that far off. Sure it's not really just to celebrate her birthday, but the fact of the matter is, the reason we are going to Moncton is for her and her sister Jules. To raise funds and awareness for diabetic research and to expose them to more people their age who suffer from this disease. So, on Saturday, if she happens to go in the pool with her cousins - Happy Birthday! If we happen to go to the movies or to a mall - Happy Birthday! If we happen to eat out at a restaurant - Happy Birthday! What's the harm if it helps to make her feel that her birthday is special?

Because it is.

Happy Birthday Baby! Hope you have a great day!

No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends

The above line is from one of my favorite movies, It's A Wonderful Life. Right now I am feeling a lot like George Bailey.....again. Late last Summer, in the midst of our chaos, the community blew me away with their support. And now they have done it again.

The Anglican Church Hall in Blackville is now filled to the brim with donations, not only from family members and friends, but from complete strangers as well. It is unbelievable! Our story was published in two local papers that came out this morning. Upon reading them, an older lady from our community, whom I've never met, called to offer us her winter coat. Another gentlemen called from Newcastle to offer donations. Several older ladies surprised me with baked goods to sell in the sell. One even said she made me something special that was just for us to eat at lunch tomorrow...not to sell. She had dropped off a few items for the sale and gave me a huge hug before leaving and promising to return tomorrow. I can't stop to think about it or I will start to cry.

I had a moment as I was locking up the hall to come home tonight. I was proud of myself. No, proud doesn't seem like the right word to use. It's hard to describe. It's like seeing my children's picture in the paper along with the story describing everything we went through. It's like I can feel several emotions at the same time. I'm sad, yet happy, yet nauseous, yet proud, yet inspired, yet.... Like I said, very hard to describe. lol I intend to take the camera tomorrow so I can post pics of just how much stuff is actually there. Some people snuck their way in tonight, while we were still setting up. Mostly family members. lol. But now I've already raised over $70 and the sale hasn't even started yet! Amazing!

Now I have to try and wind down enough to get some sleep. The whole family has to get up early tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy.....but oddly, it feels good.

The Year

Update time.....

In regards to our upcoming sale, the ACW told me I could go up on Saturday, shortly before they closed and help myself to anything that was left over from their Rummage Sale. So Sherry and I filled my van with clothes - to the top! A lot of which is in excellent shape. Some still had tags left on them. Anything that had a stain on it or did not seem to be in good shape, we left behind. We had to rush around because I had to get back home in time to get interviewed.

Harold Adams had contacted me and was interested in doing a little story for the Route 8 news - the newsletter that comes with the sales flyers. I got home just in time to freshen up a bit and then he was here. The story is not that personal, strictly about the sale and the walk. Afterwards the whole family went outside and he took a few photos. He wished us luck and said he hoped the article would help our cause. I hope so too.

During the interview and then later, after he left, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions. In fact, I've really been all over the place emotionally for the last couple of weeks. I think it is the whole walk thing. And the fact that the first anniversary is fast approaching. I was sad that this event was necessary, but as we sat there on the porch smiling for his camera, I felt genuinely happy. And proud. This little idea I had, had actually grown into something that was being supported by so many people. In that moment, I felt like I was making a difference.

This past year, so much in my life has changed. We moved into our new home which pretty much has all new furnishings, we bought a newer van, my son got pre-diagnosed with asthma, my in-laws house burnt down and my husband lost his job of 11 years. The biggest change, of course, is my daughters' diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes, just three weeks apart.

With every loss experienced in life, I think getting through "the year" is crucial. The first Christmas, first birthday, first day of school, etc... As each special day passes, you prove to yourself that life does go on. That "You can do this". And while part of you does want to fast forward the year, to get all this "newness" over with. There is that other part of you, the one you try to bury or ignore, that secretly wants to hit pause or better still - rewind. And that is the part of myself that I've been battling these past few weeks.

On my front lawn, there are two maple trees, one larger than the other. This section of my yard (of my life) is one of the few things that has remained the same. Lately, I've found myself staring out the window at my large maple tree. This is the one that provides the most shade in the summertime. Memories flash through my mind of life BD - before diabetes. *flash* Jules and Samuel are 3 yrs old, Abby barely one. I've spread a quilt on the ground, in the shade and we're having a picnic.....of pizza. *flash* Jason and I are sitting in our newly purchased folding chairs. We're looking at brochures and planning our first family vacation to PEI *flash* I'm sitting in the shade watching the kids play. Mom walks over and surprises the kids with "red eye" cookies. She joins me and we sit together and watch the kids lick the jam out of the center first. When I see these images, I cry and long to go back. I'd give up the new house and the new van, anything to be that family again. The family that doesn't have diabetes in their lives. Right now I can still say "This time last year....". This time last year, they didn't have it. How can it be real when this time last year things were so different. It reminds me of that book which has recently been turned into a play - "The Year of Magical Thinking", where she cannot accept her husbands death. Somewhere deep inside of me, I must think that I can stop this from being true. As long as the past is not that far behind, we can still go back.

Obviously I know this isn't true. No intervention needed, I promise. On most days I can even see the good that has come out of this. I just need to go through the year.

3 Years!

I just realized that I've been blogging for three years now. Man how time goes by fast. It's crazy how so much of ones life is out there in cyberspace for the world to see. To think I used to consider myself shy! lol.

I took the kids to the doctor yesterday. Our doctor is such a sweetheart. He knew our medical benefits had run out so he gave us medicine samples from his closet. I didn't need A single prescription! We are so blessed to have him as our family doctor. He truly seems to care about his patients. The kids stayed home from school again today, which makes them have an extra, extra long weekend. They should be fine by Monday.....I hope.

In a walk update, I received a package from our support group in Moncton. Apparently there is going to be activities for the kids, a BBQ and live entertainment. June 3rd is fast approaching! The hall is officially booked for our yard sale. The date is set - May 19th. I've pretty much gone through everything of mine - clothes, toys, videos, CD's, etc.... Perfect opportunity to get rid of those Shania Twain CD's left over from when Jason was going through his country phase. Thank God that's over! lol. Now I just wait for the arrival of other people's things. I'm not going to bother pricing right now. I think I will wait til I am setting it up at the hall. Thinking that might be easier. Then I can separate into categories......shoes $1, etc..

I received an email yesterday, from a man wishing to interview me regarding the sale. I guess the word is really spreading. I sent a reply but so far no phone call. I still have to contact the paper and the radio station and make posters. I'm trying not to feel panicked and overwhelmed, but am failing miserably.

The church hall is having their rummage sale tomorrow. Always enjoyable. Last year I did amazing and scored tons of Christmas lights and boughs that really came in handy decorating the porch. Now I'm on the hunt for Summer decorations. And Lord knows I am not above buying used clothing for myself. Definitely need to find time to check it out.

And now I'm off to play more catch-up. Laundry, laundry, laundry.....it never goes away.

Good Day.....I said Good Day!

My sister Sherry just came up with a great idea! What if we had my yard sale (which is to raise my for JDRF) inside a hall? Then it wouldn't matter what the weather was like, I could possibly have it all set up the night before and I would have tons of space that could hold any amount of donated things I receive from other people. How great would that be! The kids could still have their lemonade stand outside if they wanted, but if it rained it would be no biggie to set them up inside the hall. My Mom is going to make a phone call tonight to see if this is even possible. So cross your fingers people. This would really help me to slow down in the panicking department.

I finally dug out all of the kids summer clothes and packed away their winter things. What a chore! It drives me crazy twice a year. Seriously. I don't know if it has this affect on everyone else or if it's just a personal pet peeve of mine. But I'm glad it's over. My Mom surprised with three totes. This made me so happy in a Martha Stewart kind of way. lol. Now I have their clothes all sorted and labeled. Now maybe I won't get quite so crazy come Fall. ....Maybe.

Now it's on to mine and Jason's clothing. This is not such a chore since we don't really have any clothes. lol. It pretty much consists of packing away my sweaters and doing one load of laundry. I went through our clothes last night and was surprised to find a few things I could sell in the sale - almost a whole garbage bag! Awesome! Now I just have to go through the rest of the house and sort through the things I already found in the basement. I want to be all done with my things before I have to start sorting the things that other people give me. Then of course, there is the whole pricing issue. I'm going to need help with that one I think. Not that experienced in that area.

Oh well,....TGIF everybody! Now that my husband works Mon-Fri I can say that and really mean it!

The Walk For The Cure

As anyone who actually reads my blog must already know, my family is participating in the Walk For The Cure For Juvenile Diabetes. It's on June 3rd in Moncton, to help raise money for JDRF or Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

Now we are in the business of asking people to pledge money or sponsor us in the walk. To help raise funds I've decided we're going to have a yard sale. I had already been putting a few things away in the corner of the basement, toying with the idea of having a yard sale. I've never done one before. Last year they had a day where they encouraged everyone along the road to have a sale on the same day. I thought I might join in this year. But now that we are doing the walk, I figured this might be a good way to raise a little money for the cause. I've set the date as Saturday, May 19th - rain or shine. Is 9am too late to start? I know that yard sales usually start at 8am, but I'm scared that we would never be ready in time, especially since the kids are participating. Thoughts anyone?

The kids are going to have a lemonade stand at the same time. I guess my cousin actually has a genuine lemonade stand, that she said my kids could borrow. I didn't even know they made such things. It has a chalk board to write their prices on and everything. They'll love it! Thanks Janice! The lemonade is not going to be real lemonade but Crystal Light Lemonade, since that is the kind my girls have to drink. I thought it might help remind people what the money was going to. They also might be selling Rice Krispie Treats or some other baked good. Anything to help add to the pot. lol.

So now I have to go through my house again and see if there is anything else I am willing to sell. A great opportunity to let go of more "stuff". I got rid of a lot during the move, but a little more couldn't hurt. Mom said she has some things over there and Kellie too. I even got a call from a lady from Renous who heard of the sale and wanted to donate her things. It sounded like she might have quite a bit. Kids clothes, etc... She said she was going to tell her whole family about it and see if any of them had things to donate as well. Wow! I feel a cross between total excitement and total panic. lol. Like I said, I've never had a yard sale before and I'm scared of not being prepared. What does one need? Tables, small bills, change, little stickers for pricing, grocery bags to put their purchases in, .... anything else? Anyone who has experience in this, ...if you see that I'm forgetting something obvious, or have an opinion on the time to start, please, PLEASE let me know.