My Life In Pictures

I can't seem to take the time to write about the things we are doing, so instead I thought I would share a few photos.

We're getting a puppy! He was only ten days old when this picture was taken. Look how tiny he is! We'll be bringing him home around the 10th or 11th of August.

We participated in the Canada Day Parade again this year. Our little way of thanking everyone for their support. Unfortunately, we lost the sign on my side halfway through. :(

After 3 years of missing her, I finally got to return my island! PEI, that is. I wish I could convey into words how that place makes me feel. Not just the cottages or Avonlea, but the island itself. As soon as we were off the bridge, my eyes started to fill with tears...I could not believe I got to come back. I didn't want to leave. The kids, being older this time, enjoyed it immensely. Especially Abby, who could not remember ever being there. I took 106 pictures...wish I could post them all.

The Anne of Green Gables Country Fair was happening at Avonlea the weekend we were there. This guy would walk around playing his mandolin and singing...

At Avonlea, you can dress up in the old time clothes and get your picture taken for free. You just have to use your own camera. We all did it....but Samuel stole the show! I tried to get him to smile but he was in character. He said he was tired of waiting for the train that would not come. Too cute!

Jason took this pic of me and the kids in the Avonlea gardens. Beautiful! I took a good 20 pictures of the plants and flowers alone!

This past weekend we got to return to Alma, which is just outside the Fundy National Park.

The kids loved walking on the beach in their aqua shoes. Jules collected sea shells in her bucket. (*Notice Abby's "Marilyn" pose* LOL)

This is where we would sit and watch the tide go in and out. It is just yards away from out Motel room door. Very relaxing to listen to the waves and feel the breeze off the water.

One of the many beautiful views....this one was taken when the tide was out.

While we were there, we celebrated Jason's 34th birthday. Happy Birthday Honey!

Pumped

Today is the day. Kids are packed, pumps are packed.....I'm almost packed. This is really happening! Had a moment last night in bed when I realized the date. Today is February 13th. Tomorrow will be one year since Jason was done at Weyerhauser. That was a big change for us. And now, almost one year to the day, here we are embarking on yet another big change. February seems to be a big month for us. :)

Oh well, gotta go finish getting ready. Kids are very excited. The girls are behaving as if they are going away on some sort of vacation.....with their pink pullmans and carrying their purses. Too funny. Samuel is "pumped" to be staying at Grammy's house and that he gets to play with Paulina and Anna all day long, since school was cancelled yet again. What is up with this winter anyway?

Fingers crossed.

And away we go......

The Dawn

Tomorrow is the big day.

Pump day.

Tonight, after bedtime snack, I gave the girls Levemir for what should be the last time. Levemir is the name of their long-acting insulin. It is supposed to last 24 hours and keep their sugars at a good basal rate. However, some people believe that it doesn't last the whole 24 hours, like it is supposed to. Since their diagnosis, over 1 & 1/2 years ago, we have been injecting them with two different types of insulins. Levemir at bedtime and NovoRapid at meal times. NovoRapid is a fast acting insulin that helps to bring their sugars down at meal time...when they are eating carbohydrates. But after tomorrow, when they are on a pump, they will only be getting one type of insulin - fast acting. The pump will be giving them little tiny amounts throughout the day, kind of like an intervenus. And then at mealtime, we will tell the pump how many carbs they have eaten, and it will give them insulin to cover them.

I don't know how well I am doing at describing this. It's hard to explain. Two years ago I didn't know anything about this. I used to think that an insulin pump had to be surgically inserted into the body like a pace maker. I guess I've come a long way.

A few months ago I made friends with a fellow Mom of a diabetic kid. Thank God for her! She is really helping me by answering my questions and reassuring me that everything will be ok. She promises me that we will be in love with the pump before we know it. In other words, it's all good. :) Just the other day, Lisa (my new BFF) was describing to me how she changes her son's sight. I had been under the impression that the needle was the thing that stayed in the belly, under the skin, for 3 days at a time. I believe I even blogged about it in my last entry. Turns out that the needle is only used to insert a teeny, tiny, soft plastic tube. So much better! Technology really is an amazing thing. I don't think I am doing very well at describing the process. Perhaps I will get better once I actually know how to do it myself. LOL. That might help. Did I mention that the needle is only as big as the one we use on their insulin pens? Like 5mm long. Very small. Gone are the days with the long four inch needles and flicking away air bubbles. No big scary needles here.

We have to be at the hospital and have the girls admitted by 9am. Then we should start getting trained on how the pump works and how to use it. Hopefully, by lunch time, we will be hooking the girls up. I'm praying for it to go smoothly. I'm scared that if it doesn't go smooth the first time round, that the girls will change their minds. Especially Abby. However, I've been told that the site change shouldn't really hurt anymore than when I give them insulin in the belly, and they're already used to that. So I remain optimistic. We will stay at the hospital all day tomorrow, all night and will probably come home some time the next morning. Samuel is going to stay at Mom's. He's excited to be having a sleepover of his own.

It's going to change how we do everything....all over again. We'll have to teach Mom plus there's the whole school thing. The teachers and T.A.s will have to be briefed. Sometimes my brain feels like it is going to overflow with thoughts. Hard to harness them.

But it's all good.

Now if I could only get some sleep.......

Pump it!

This week the girls will be put on their insulin pumps.

Breathe.

I haven't really been blogging much lately but thought I better write something, do something to document this for myself. And perhaps for someone else out there who may one day unfortunately be in the same situation.

Pumps are very expensive. VERY. But we were lucky enough to get ours before our benefits ran out from Jason's previous job. I believe that company was Maritime Life, which had awesome coverage. Some companies will not cover the cost of a pump, only their supplies. We got two Medtronic pumps and what should have costs us $13,200, only costs us $400. Again, very lucky. Pumps usually last approximately 5 years. So next time, I hope we are so lucky again.

We've been waiting for the right time to put the girls on. Or should I say the right financial time. My oldest daughter Jules, has been wanting a pump for a long time now. And finally the right time seemed upon us. Then we got word that Jason was yet again getting laid off his job. This time, however, they assure us it is not permanent, but only for a few weeks. To make a much longer story shorter, we've decided to go ahead and do it. Jules has waited long enough. Plus we are putting Abby on one as well. They will go through it together.

They are both very excited to be going to spend the night in the hospital. But have also confessed to be a little scared about the pump. Frankly so am I. It is quite the mixed bag of emotions. Now that the moment we wished for, prayed for, is finally upon us...I find myself hesitant. Not so sure anymore. Scared.

We have found ourselves a new normal, a routine, with the insulin pens. It's not such a big deal anymore. There are many days we do it without any much thought at all. I don't feel so controlled by it anymore. But now, with a pump, it's a whole new learning curve. It's like starting over. Bye bye comfort zone. Hello change. And change is something I've had just about enough of....thank you very much.

Right now when you see the girls, if you didn't know, you couldn't tell they were diabetic. Not unless you saw them getting their sugar checked or witnessed them getting insulin. Other than a medic-alert bracelet, there is no mark or stamp on their person that screams "we have diabetes!". But with a pump, it is different.

A tiny needle will be inserted into the skin of their belly. This needle is attached to this little plastic thing. The insulin pump has a tube that clips into the plastic thing and that is how insulin will travel into their body. I compare it to a seat belt. At any time, like swimming or taking a bath, we can simply unclip the pump, wait, and when they're done, clip in back on. For some reason, however, it seems to bother me that during this time, like bathtime, when I am playing with Abby in the tub, or when Jules is running around the sprinkler in her bikini, etc... they will have this little plastic circle taped on their belly. A physical reminder of their condition.....as if I could ever forget. Like I said, a mixed bag of emotions.

So why do it then? Because it will give them better control. Free up their schedule. If on vacation, we happen upon an ice cream stand and it is not meal time, then maybe they could have a cone. Unlike now. If they want to sleep in and skip breakfast, they can. Unlike now. If they run high in the night and require some extra insulin, I can just press a few buttons and not have to wake them for a needle. Unlike now.

A pump is the best possible treatment for a type one diabetic and I want that for my girls. So wat if it's new? So what if I'm scared? So what if it means more change? We will get through. Just like we did when they were diagnosed three weeks apart. And before long we should have our new normal back. A routine again.

Breathe.

Here we go.

The Chair

Okay. So as anyone who knows me already knows, the past few years I've been on a mission to evolve when it comes to my self worth. How I think of myself, treat myself, ..... you get the idea. In some areas I have come really far. So far that I can now look back with bewilderment that I would ever have behaved in such a fashion. Other areas are still a work in progress. Still others probably haven't seen much, if any, change.

One issue that was/is always something I struggled with is the act of doing something, an activity, etc... just for myself. Just because it was something that I enjoyed. To some this sounds so simple, yet maybe there are others out there who can relate. I tend to use the word
"selfish" in my head to describe any such activity. If I wanted to go in to town or even just take a walk by myself, it would be "selfish" since that would leave Jason home alone with the kids. If I wanted to buy something for myself, be it a sweater on clearance, a couple of extra things at the Dollarstore or even a grocery item that would be just for me(it/ muslix cereal or sweet & salty bars, etc..) I would call myself "selfish" for wanting to spend money on "just" me...I mean who did I think I was anyway?

Cut to the box.

There was a cardboard box in the corner of my room that had literally been there since we moved in....over a year ago. It was filled with photographs and picture frames that I hadn't yet sorted through. The box was quite large and was on my side of the room so that every morning when I woke up, if I glanced down to the foot of my bed, I would see this box. Now I love my room. Love it! I love the red walls and it's deep purple ceiling, our dark wood furniture, and how the long goldish curtains hang on it's big window. I love the high bed and it's large walk-in closet. It is everything that I ever dreamed of having in a bedroom. But I didn't love the box. The box took away from the rest of the room. The box gave me an excuse to leave things like bags, clothes and yes even other boxes! laying all over it, so that my corner was usually if not always a mess.

Until two weeks ago.

Inspired by a new year, I did the unthinkable and purged my bedroom. I cleaned out my over stuffed night stand, organized my closet, cleared off the top of my dresser and....got rid of the box. In actuality I downsized the box so that it now tucks itself nicely in the corner of my closet, but still the effect is the same. The corner was clear! I had always dreamed of having a chair in that corner, so just to see how a chair would look, I stole my little brown tub chair from the living room and set it there. Awesome! Words cannot express the joy this little act brought me. It made the room seem so much more "adult". Like a "real person's" room. The way bedrooms look on television and in the movies.

I loved it so much that I never put it back. I sat on that chair more in the bedroom than I ever had in the living room. It became my little place to retreat to. To sip tea, drink wine, read a book, paint my nails, etc... You name it, I did it on this chair. However, now there was a "hole" in the living room where the chair had been. On cold mornings the girls would now gather together in their nightgowns on the floor next to the heater....they had no chair to sit in. Jason couldn't rest his feet on the windowsill and watch television, a position that he loved...and really missed. What was I to do? I had no choice.

I bought a new chair!

Yes I, the one who has on numerous occasions been referred to as a chair(for letting others "sit" on me), the one who never lets herself do anything "for herself", did the unimaginable - and bought a chair. Not a new chair for the living room, like originally thought, but a new, stylish chair for the bedroom. A chair just for me.

Did I feel guilty? Sure. Still do at times. But on Thursday, when the chair gets delivered, I will be squealing with pure excitement and trying my best to squash the word "selfish" out of my head's vocabulary.

And....begin.

The first day of school has come and gone. Abby was so excited she barely slept the night before and hardly ate anything for breakfast that morning. Jason had taken the last half of his night shift off so he could wake up and see her off. There was of course the mad rush to make sure everyone was fed, dressed and packed. I had to pack so many things to take with us that I didn't know how we were going to carry it all. Six boxes of Kleenex, two sharps containers, glucagon, two red bags for carrying snacks to gym, etc..., newly filled insulin pen, pen needles, three pairs of inside shoes, four cases of juice boxes, four 3-packs of cracker snacks, and let's not forget the digital and video cameras. God bless Sobey's reusable shopping bags!

Finally when everyone was all ready and the pictures were taken, Jason headed outside to start up the old 68' Dodge. This was of course, the vehicle that Jason wanted us to drive up to the school in. We filled it with all the bags we had to carry, and left it idling at the mouth of the driveway. Being so busy, I never had time to cry or get too sentimental over the moment. Then the bus came. As I watched her walk across the road and climb those steps, it was like time stood still for a moment. Or the very least, went in slow motion. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. She sat down and smiled at me through the window, her tiny hand waving furiously.....and then she was gone.

I stood still for just a second, feeling the moment, and then the mad rush continued. We had to beat the bus up to the school, grab all of the bags and be standing curbside, camera ready for when she stepped off the bus for the first time. The parking lot was full of parents doing the very same thing, so we were forced to park on the side of the road. Narrowly escaping falling into the deep ditch, I managed to somehow grab the heaviest bag there and walked as fast as I could to the front steps. Phew! Mission accomplished. Abby, Jules and Samuel all departed the bus and our whole family walked into the school. Surreal.

Abby never once seemed scared or sad. After unpacking our load and talking with both teachers, reviewing the girls schedules, etc., it was finally time to leave. By this time, our car was the only one left, sitting there all alone by the side of the road. How bizarre it was to walk across the parking lot, get into the car and drive off without taking Abby with us. Jason and I both turned to look into the back seat, almost surprised not to see her sitting there smiling at us. The past two years had been filled with special times spent with her while her siblings were at school. And now for the first time in 7 & 1/2 years, there was only Jason and myself. No kids at all. Bizarre indeed.

Just as we had done last year, we headed up to Nine Pine for breakfast....our new tradition. The place is filled every year with parents celebrating the first day of school. This year we were joined by Sherry and Gary, who with Anna in preschool, also found themselves childless for the day. During breakfast, Mom called the cell just to let me know that Abby was doing fine. After returning home, I tried to busy myself with things that I enjoyed doing, so as not to sit and watch the clock. I decorated the porch for Fall, which was my first time, considering we did not move in last year til the end of October.

At 1:50pm, the phone rang. It was the school saying that Abby was 24.6! Got Mom to give her 1.5 units before sending her onto the bus. And so it begins......

The trio arrived home safe, sound and still looking forward to school tomorrow, which I guess is all you can ask for. I'm sure before you know it, I will be too.

My Big Fat Family Reunion

It's that time of year again.....for the great big family reunion weekend. I cannot believe how fast the summer is passing. Well...I guess I can, since it always seems to fly by. Wonder why that is? Why does summer fly by and Winter drag on? Could it be that one lasts for two months and the other lasts for six? .....Yep, that's it. Anyway, last night we took our trailer over and set it up. Mom and Sherry did too. We're in a different place in the field this year, but I think it will be a nice change. The weather right now is calling for some rain, so I think it's good that we all have awnings, thinking they might come in handy.

It was very bizarre to be standing back in that field last night, feeding the horses. I kept staring over at Grammy's & Granddad's house, memories flooding my mind. Only now the memories are different. They are of last year, when all hell broke loose and we suddenly found ourselves living there. What a roller coaster ride last year was for my family. Sometimes it still takes me a few minutes to process it all. I am sure I will have my moments this weekend, when I will be thankful that I am wearing sunglasses. Only I won't be crying for the reasons you think, not out of sorrow or pity, etc.. Instead all tears will come from grace, from gratitude. Living there in that house helped me. It comforted me when I so needed comfort. There were times when I never wanted to move - ever. Not even into my brand new home, which was slowly making it's way to us. I would sit in Grammy's rocking chair and read by her lamp. I loved feeling the warmth of the fire that came from the stove in the kitchen. I grew accustomed to seeing the horses everyday, enjoyed the fact that they were getting to know me and I them. They were definitely part of the healing process. And perhaps one of the best things to come out of all this, is our relationship with my aunt & uncle. We've made friends in them. We visit them now and sit and have tea and talk for hours. I will always cherish those months when we were neighbors.

Now I must go and start doing the things that must be done before we leave tomorrow, laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc... Procrastination is a horrible thing that I do much too often.

Reunited...And It Feels So Good

Friday morning, before we left to go camping, a package finally came in the mail from Utah.

And then we had ourselves one happy camper. :)

Summer Sequel

As I've mentioned before, we are planning on putting Jason's old car in the Canada Day Parade. Yesterday morning, I had a genius idea. Since we're going to be driving through the community very slowly while everyone looks on....what better opportunity to thank said community for their support? Kinda make it into a Team Keenan float, if you will.

I bought some white Bristol board to make signs. Haven't quite decided how to word it yet, but it will be something along the lines of "Team Keenan thanks you for supporting us in the Walk for the Cure". We're all going to wear our JDRF t-shirts and we've already purchased a flag kit for the car. I also bought some sticky-back magnet strips for attaching the signs to the car, so as not to hurt the paint. Very important you know. :)

I told the kids and Jules got very excited. All of this has been very beneficial to her, I think. The story in the paper, the support at the yard sale, participating in the Walk.....it has shown her that people out there really do care. I've never been one to enjoy the limelight...or the spot light...or anything that would draw attention to myself. LOL. But all of that goes out the window when it comes to this. I would never want my little hang ups get in the way. I guess that's just one of the many blessings that has come out of all this....helping me to let go of some of my issues.

Good news! Samuel has decided to join us after all. Of course, only after we promised him candy. LOL. It's all about the food for him, you know. We're still planning on going camping Friday and Saturday night. So far the weather is looking alright. I hope it holds out.

Yesterday Jason and I had the rare opportunity of being in town without the kids. So we grabbed some Dixie Lee Chicken(hadn't eaten there in ages!) and headed over to the Richie Wharf and ate it outside by the water. Lovely! Sitting there under the pagoda(as God is my witness I WILL have one someday!) with the breeze blowing, I was reminded of the island. Oh, how I want to go back there someday! It felt so like Summer. I commented to Jason that it felt like July. You know how July has a feeling? And then, of course, I was reminded of last July.

The last time we were at the Richie Wharf was two days before Jules' diagnosis. Jason's brother was home visiting from Ontario. We had just received our official floor plan of our new house. Life was grand. My stomach turned a little. It's like my reflex is to start mourning all over again. And then I have to remind myself that she's ok. Abby's ok. We're ok. All of this happens in my mind, in the time span of 3 seconds. Then more enjoying the sun, and the breeze and quality time with my husband. Then I spot a tour boat sailing into view. I'm reminded again of that fateful day when Jason's parents and brother and his family took a tour of the river while we waited for them to return. Stomach turns......mourning......we're ok.

I think this will happen a lot to me, and with greater frequency, until the anniversary comes and goes. Last Summer seemed like it was stolen from us. It's like Christmas. You look so forward to it, counting down the days til it's arrival and then it finally comes......and it sucks! You're shocked. You want a do-over. You can't believe you have to wait a whole year til it comes again. This Summer is like our "do-over". We've gone through the ups of downs, trials and tribulations of a whole year with Diabetes, and now we've been rewarded with Summer's arrival. And we're fine. No, better than fine. We're strong.

And life is grand.

Schools Out For Summer....Well Almost

Today is the last day that Abby and I will be waiting and watching for the kids to come home from school and get off the bus. Yes there is still school tomorrow, but Abby has a full day of preschool while Jules and Samuel only have a half day. So this is it. Next year it will be just me waiting for the three of them to come home. Very weird and somewhat sad. I'd like to think that I'm not as neurotic as I was when Jules and Samuel started kindergarten....but only Summer will tell. It's hard not to get sad when you know how fast they are growing up.

I am really looking forward to Summer this year, perhaps more than I ever have. Which is strange, considering this is the first year in a long time that Jason has no vacation and we have no plans to travel anywhere. No PEI. No Fundy. We'll be very lucky if we go camping in Moncton. Even luckier to go camping more than twice. Money is beyond tight right now. But still the excitement contentment for Summer is there.

As anyone who has not been living under a rock already knows, we had a hard Summer last year. Very hard. And it had nothing to do with the fact that we weren't going anywhere on vacation. This year the expectations are not as high as previous years. While other Summers were filled with planning trips and scheduled fun family time, this year the only expectation or hope can be described in one word. Calm.

This year I will drink in every minute of this Summer and be grateful for the calmness. The lack of excitement. We had enough excitement last year, thank you.

Super Freak

Got some great news last night. My brother is engaged! Yes I know that they've only been together for five months, but I think this is such a good thing! She is very nice and really seems to care for Lee and he for her. It's great that I don't have to worry about him being alone anymore. I think this is really a 'til death' relationship. They're definitely in it for the long haul. Jules was very excited when I told her, visions of dresses dancing in her head. lol. But she'll have to wait a year or maybe two for the blessed event, since there is no date set as of yet.




In other news, Jason and I drove down to Moncton last Friday evening to retrieve "Do-your-best-Bear", better known to us as "the little bugger". lol. He had been left behind at the motel and was deeply missed by all. Seriously. It was quite dramatic when we realized he was missing. Did wonders for my "Mother guilt". I had phoned the motel Sunday night and was told that he was nowhere to be found. A cousin who went to Moncton on Monday, dropped in and checked for us. Still no bear. So what was a parent to do? Samuel decided if he couldn't have the original he would settle for a duplicate, so onto to the Internet we went, searching for "the little bugger". Turns out that he is a collector's item. Seriously. The only place I could find him where they would ship to Canada was on eBay. So, there we were bidding on a care bear on eBay like those freaks who collect such things, just to have them sit on a shelf or in a glass case. (No offense if you happen to be one).





Late Monday night, the phone rings. It is the motel. They found the bear! Oh joy! Thank you God! I can't wait to tell Samuel in the morning! .........Then it hits me. The auction! As anyone who has ever bid on eBay knows, any bid you make is considered a legally binding contract. You are not allowed to retract it. And since we were so anxious to comfort Samuel, our maximum bid was pretty hefty, ......well, hefty for a teddy bear anyway. So of course we won the auction. (Crap!) I mean, not even the freaks would outbid us! So who is the freak now? lol.



And so it is that right now, somewhere in Utah, another "little bugger" is planning a trip.

Oh well, now we have a spare. :)

Walking On Sunshine

Saturday morning we packed up the family and headed for Moncton. This was the weekend of the walk. We arrived around noon and checked into our motel room. We stayed in the same place as we did when we were down buying the van. It's perfect for us because it has a full kitchen, that way we can bring some of our own food to supplement cost. It also has two double beds and a fold out couch, which we needed since my mother was staying with us. The biggest selling feature of course is the heated indoor pool. The kids couldn't wait to go swimming. All of this for $95 plus tax! Hard to beat that!

We had a quick lunch with the rest of our group(their room wasn't ready) and then we took the kids shopping. Abby was very excited because we were also celebrating her birthday. The stores were mostly crowded, almost annoyingly so. It was hard to keep track of the kids. They were always running off with Mom, Kel or Sher. In the dollar store, I searched for something that all of us could wear to unite our team at the walk. I really would have like to have ball caps, but since it was the dollar store, this was hard to find. We opted instead for pink visors. Pink, of course, because we were representing such girly girls. lol. Maybe we should have done crowns?

After shopping, we ran into DQ and bought Abby her ice cream cake that we promised her. Then it was time for her "party". Everyone gathered in our motel room where we ate take-out, ice cream cake and watched Abby open her presents. She really enjoyed herself. I'm glad that she got to have a special birthday. Samuel is now asking if he can have his next birthday party in Moncton. Ummmm, no! lol. Then it was time to go into the pool. Jason had bought the kids these long plastic water shooters.....not a good idea. I might "accidentally" leave those home next time. It was great to be in the water again. First swim of the season! Later in the evening, we did our usual trek to Value Village. We always seem to go there whenever we are in the city. It might sound sad, but this is how I get clothes. This trip I snatched three pairs of jeans, one pair of shorts and a tee. Not too shabby.

The next morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining. We all ate breakfast together in the motel's little diner. Not feeling like eating the usual fare, I choose the Belgian waffle with strawberries and cream. Heaven! I couldn't finish all of it, it was so big. Then it was time to pack up, check out and don our visors!

JDRF's Walk for the Cure was located in Riverfront Park in downtown Moncton. In other words it's in behind Main Street, along the Petticodiac River. In regards to the walk, I must start by saying that it was one of the most organized events I've ever been to. Awesome! Since we were early, we snagged a picnic table and managed to keep it throughout the entire time. I led my team over to where we submit our pledges. When they saw how much we raised, they gave us a round of applause. Very nice. They also gave me a walk t-shirt, a nice bag and an ipod shuffle! Very nice indeed! My teammates also got a t-shirt, but no ipod. :( An ipod was the incentive prize for any walker who personally earned more than $1000, and since our yardsale profits were on my pledgesheet.....I got the ipod. Oh well, there's always next year girls. lol.

Scattered around the park were activities for kids. There was a jumping castle, some sort of blow-up tunnel castle, an arts and crafts table and the most amazing face painting.

There was also a very efficient BBQ area(no lines!), a snack stand, and coolers everywhere filled with ice cold water, juice and pop. Everything was free! Maybe the best part was the band Cat Sass - freaking awesome! I mean every single song was good. Their music really helped pump everyone up. A hockey player(#26) from the Moncton Wildcats and it's furry mascot were also there getting their pics taken with kids and signing t-shirts.

He signed my shirt, which would probably be more cool if I knew who he was. lol. Abby was not at all impressed with the mascot. She's not that into large fuzzy strangers trying to hug her. Go figure.

At 1:45pm, the band announced that it was picture time and could all the kids with diabetes please come up to the front of the stage to get their picture taken together. My girls were pretty well in the center, with fellow diabetic kids on either side. Just as the kids were finally all situated and smiling for pics, the band starts playing You and Me by Lifehouse. "What day is it.....". They were not 3 notes in and I was crying. I will never be able to hear it again without crying and seeing this image in my head.

Just after this pic was shot, two babies were seated on the right hand side. They were no more than 7-8 months old. It made me cry even harder to know that they too had this disease.

A few sleeve wipes later (I forgot kleenex) and after a very interesting trip with the kids to the port-a-potty, it was time to start the actual walk. We all lined up at the Start sign. Much to my Mom's chagrin, a bagpipe player started to play. And then we were off! The walk did not seem to take too long, 35-45 mins I would say. To Samuel, it was an eternity. lol. Jason carried Abby a lot of the time. Halfway through they had a stand set up with water bottles, where we took a rest so we could check the girls sugars. Then it was time for the home stretch.

This whole experience has helped me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I would recommend it to anyone who has gone through the same situation. I can not begin to describe my emotions as my family neared the finish line. Jason, the kids and I all held hands and stepped across. It was like that finish line represented so much more than just a 5k walk. It was that together, as a family, we had been to hell and back and yet we were not beaten. In fact we were stronger than ever. A moment I will never forget.

Ready for the Walk?

I've been active online much more than usual this week. Blogging, twittering, facebooking, etc... Don't get too used to it, though. As anyone who follows me knows I go through phases. Periods of time where I will blog everyday, or like today - twice a day, followed by weeks of nothing. lol.

I just received an email from the JDRF fundraising coordinator in Moncton. She sent out an email to all team captains to go over some last minute information and instructions. I read the instructions regarding submitting pledges, etc.. and then began reading the schedule of Sunday's events.

12pm – 1:45 pm - Registration (all pledges should be remitted by 1:45 pm)
12pm – 1:45 pm – Live Entertainment by musical band “Cat Sass”, BBQ, refreshments and activities for kids of all ages
1:30 pm – group picture of all children with Juvenile Diabetes (this picture will be used for a Thank You poster after the walk

I started to cry. Just the image of a group of young children gathered together, all smiles, all suffering with Diabetes would have been enough to make me cry back in the day. But now my two beautiful daughters faces will be there too. Too much.

She ended the email with the usual "if you have any questions, please contact me" etc... But then in large letters she wrote:

On Sunday, June 3rd, we WILL WALK TO CURE DIABETES!

And again the waterworks! I'm starting to become anxious about the walk now. If I can't read an email without bawling, how am I going to hold it together on Sunday? I've always known it was going to be an emotional, moving experience. I've just been avoiding thinking about it, I guess. Instead I've focused on the yard sale, Abby's birthday, etc.. But now the walk is upon us and there's no avoiding it any longer. It's one thing to get misty eyed and quite another to convulse uncontrollably. I don't want the kids to have to witness that. lol. Sunglasses are most definitely on the top of my list of things to pack, followed by a box of kleenex.

Not sure if I will be posting again before we leave. Today I'll be busy cutting cake, playing Mario, etc.... and tomorrow I work. Then comes the craze of making sure everything I want to take is clean and laundered, packing, double checking my list(OMG! Must make a list!) and helping the kids pack their bags. So, yeah I might not be back. But I'll be sure to take lots of pics which I will post and/or flickr. That is if I can stop crying long enough. ;)

The Big Number 5

Tomorrow is Abby's 5th birthday. Hard to believe. I hate to type such an over-used line but.., time really does fly by. It's not that it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby, it's more that it seems like only yesterday she was 3. And now today is her last day of being 4. This just reminded me of a childhood memory. I am about to turn 10. We're down in the basement playing or doing something or other when Sherry turns to me and in an "impending doom" kind of voice says "Today is your last day of being 9. Tomorrow - double digits! You'll never be a single digit again!". It worked. Looking back it is so ridiculous to get depressed about turning 10! But yet I did. Kinda gives you a sad look into my psyche, doesn't it? It's like even at such a young age, I knew how fleeting life was. Or how being a kid is such an important time. Therapy anyone? lol. It's not Sherry's fault. When it comes to guilt or anything sentimental, I'm a very easy target. Who else could mourn being a single digit? lol.

......But I digress.

We've decided not to have a stereotypical birthday party for Abby on Thursday. She's not much for large groups of kids anyway. On Jules and Samuel's birthday, she hid the entire time in my bedroom. "Too many kids" she'd say. Instead we're going to celebrate her big number 5 in Moncton. We're going there this weekend for the JDRF walk. That way we can go swimming in the pool, get her an ice cream cake from DQ, and do who knows what else. Tomorrow I'm still going to make pancakes for breakfast(tradition on birthdays), bake her a cake and give her one present. But I've asked everyone else to save their presents to give to her on Saturday.

When Jules and Samuel turned 5, their last birthday before starting school, I had a big party at the bowling alley. I always swore that I would do something just as big for Abby's fifth. Unfortunately, the money just isn't there this time. Times have changed. It may sound bad, but by going to Moncton for her birthday(something we were going to do anyway) whatever we end up doing, I can tell her it is to celebrate her. Which let's face it, is not that far off. Sure it's not really just to celebrate her birthday, but the fact of the matter is, the reason we are going to Moncton is for her and her sister Jules. To raise funds and awareness for diabetic research and to expose them to more people their age who suffer from this disease. So, on Saturday, if she happens to go in the pool with her cousins - Happy Birthday! If we happen to go to the movies or to a mall - Happy Birthday! If we happen to eat out at a restaurant - Happy Birthday! What's the harm if it helps to make her feel that her birthday is special?

Because it is.

Happy Birthday Baby! Hope you have a great day!

No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends

The above line is from one of my favorite movies, It's A Wonderful Life. Right now I am feeling a lot like George Bailey.....again. Late last Summer, in the midst of our chaos, the community blew me away with their support. And now they have done it again.

The Anglican Church Hall in Blackville is now filled to the brim with donations, not only from family members and friends, but from complete strangers as well. It is unbelievable! Our story was published in two local papers that came out this morning. Upon reading them, an older lady from our community, whom I've never met, called to offer us her winter coat. Another gentlemen called from Newcastle to offer donations. Several older ladies surprised me with baked goods to sell in the sell. One even said she made me something special that was just for us to eat at lunch tomorrow...not to sell. She had dropped off a few items for the sale and gave me a huge hug before leaving and promising to return tomorrow. I can't stop to think about it or I will start to cry.

I had a moment as I was locking up the hall to come home tonight. I was proud of myself. No, proud doesn't seem like the right word to use. It's hard to describe. It's like seeing my children's picture in the paper along with the story describing everything we went through. It's like I can feel several emotions at the same time. I'm sad, yet happy, yet nauseous, yet proud, yet inspired, yet.... Like I said, very hard to describe. lol I intend to take the camera tomorrow so I can post pics of just how much stuff is actually there. Some people snuck their way in tonight, while we were still setting up. Mostly family members. lol. But now I've already raised over $70 and the sale hasn't even started yet! Amazing!

Now I have to try and wind down enough to get some sleep. The whole family has to get up early tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy.....but oddly, it feels good.

The plane boss! The plane!

A few nights ago I had a dream that I witnessed a plane crash, right from my own house.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

So yesterday afternoon, my girls were outside playing, my son was watching TMNT, and I was cooking supper and talking on the phone to Jason, who was on his way to work. All of a sudden I started hearing this noise, soft at first, then louder and louder. I looked to the television thinking, "What-the-hell are those Ninja Turtles doing?". Just then the noise got so loud I thought we were about to have an earthquake. I literally braced myself for the shaking. And that's when I saw it.

A plane.

I ran to the front window.

"Please don't crash, please don't crash.", I chanted, as I watched it disappear beneath the trees. I waited for it. The crashing noise, the explosion......

I raced out onto the porch.

And then another plane appeared.

And another.

My husband asked me yet again what was going on. He had asked several times but I hadn't answered him.

"I don't know", was my reply. I had no idea.

All I knew was that there were three planes circling our house. They were flying extremely low. And I mean extremely low. None had gone so low as that first one, though. I literally thought for a moment that maybe it had indeed crashed and these other planes were circling the crash site. Their huge shadows passed across our yard.

My daughters came running toward me. They were scared the planes were going to crash into our house. My son came outside. When he saw the planes, he pointed up and shouted, "It's Heroes of the Pacific!" - the name of a PS2 game about Pearl Harbor. lol.

Across the street my Mom, sister and her kids were also outside watching what now seemed like our very own air show. I grabbed the video camera and started taping so Jason could watch later. Just then a provincial forestry truck drove up the road with it's light flashing.

Forest fire.

I raced back into the house and put on some shoes. I shut off the burners on the stove, supper was just going to have to wait. I let Jason go, as he arrived at work. I know he hated missing all the action. When I went back outside I noticed that Abby didn't look so good, so I brought her back in the house to check her. Sure enough, she was low. I gave her a juice box and we ran over to my Mom's house.

My Mom and sister had also seen that first plane. And like me, they thought for sure it was going to crash into the river or into the camp in the Rapids. It was seriously that low. Our kids were no longer scared, and were waving at the planes who were still flying overhead.

Apparently there had been a forest fire of some kind down the road. I don't know how big it was because we never saw any smoke. But it was obviously out now, as the fire trucks went back up the road and the planes flew away.

And our suburban excitement was over.

Maybe tonight I'll dream that I won a million dollars :)